Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong

41 replies

Littleteacup1 · 23/02/2019 15:28

Our heating and hot water is on for the morning then turns of at 9.at ten I washed my hair hot water was still running. Partners just had a shower Before going out but has moaned that I’ve made him late due to there being not hot water. I’ve suggested in the past we have the hot water on more often but he thinks we shouldn’t as no point if no one is home during the day except weekends

OP posts:
SayNoToCarrots · 23/02/2019 15:29

So should you have gone without hot water instead of him?

Merryoldgoat · 23/02/2019 15:31

I don’t quite understand - did you use all the hot water because you have a cylinder? Or do you have a combi which you actually turn off?

You either run out (which the timer won’t affect) or totally switch it off which is unnecessary.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 23/02/2019 15:31

He doesn’t sound very bright does he?

  1. how does lack of hot water make him late? Surely lack of hot water means no shower so he is ready earlier?

  2. does he expect hot water to just be available whenever he wants it regardless of how long he had the heater on for? Does he not realise thathit water being used by one person elaves less hot water for the next person?

AdaColeman · 23/02/2019 15:31

Have you not got a system over ride button so you can heat water when you need it outside the set times?

VioletCharlotte · 23/02/2019 15:34

We just have ours on for longer at the weekend. Makes sense as we normally all shower later and teens often shower mid afternoon if they've been doing sport.

Crabbyandproudofit · 23/02/2019 15:35

You are both adults who can work out your central heating/hot water controls (presumably). A cold shower isn't much fun and he is miffed that he didn't think to put hot wafer on again to make sure he had a nice shower.

Can you set your controls to give different times through the week and weekends?

Sirzy · 23/02/2019 15:35

So if your both having a shower flick the boiler back on for long enough to fill the tank again?

Not rocket science surely?

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 23/02/2019 15:35

Just change your timer so it comes on longer at weekends.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 23/02/2019 15:47

Have old heating system can’t change timer unless we do it manually each weekend. Hasn’t been a problem so far as we normally have heating on during day at weekends but today is rather warm so haven’t turned it on. He was already in shower when the hot water stopped as he was shampooing yes I feel sorry for him having a cold shower. He’s now thrashed around the bathroom some basket that I had in for my of the boiler has been tipped out the way he claims he tripped over it. My reusable pads that where soaking where thrown across the room they where in the sink fully clean just stained after a year of owning them where soaking in stain remover I asked if he had an old bucket I could use and he suggested I use the sink. Shampoo bottle in the bath a long with some towel apparently they where in the way but all his shampoo and bits still neatly lined up. He’s acting like a child. I know he’s off to a work meeting to fix something urgently and was rushing but no need to act like this got a friend coming over so will be ok

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 23/02/2019 15:55
Shock

Oh this is far more serious than just an idiot being pissed off about no hot water! This is violence OP! Whose house is it?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 23/02/2019 16:49

Our house we both own it

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 23/02/2019 16:49

Never done anything like this before

OP posts:
PuzzlingPuzzle · 23/02/2019 16:57

WTAF that’s not a normal reaction to running out of hot water. Surely your system has a ‘boost’ button he could use 30 minutes before he wants a shower? And if he knows it goes off at 9am I don’t know how he could be expecting hot water at 3pm. And why it would be your fault?! I hope you’re ok and safe, it’s bit concerning that you’d even think this could be your fault to be honest. He’s 110% in the wrong.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 23/02/2019 17:13

Never? He’s never thrown a strop before and kicked stuff across the room, or swiped at something he was walking past? How long have you been together? It seems really strange that he would suddenly start doing it over lack of hot water. I’m sure he’s been inconvenienced by more than that over the years.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 23/02/2019 20:07

No never he’s occasionally had a argument with me but he’s goes off to the office to work and comes out later completely over it he did text when he left to apologise. It’s so out the blue if it happens again I will take action but at the moment as it was so out blue just going to wait and watch. I’ve let him know it’s unforgivable hes just got home.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 23/02/2019 20:25

I’d be wondering what else is going on in his head if this is so out of character. Could he be massively stressed about something? Work?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 24/02/2019 08:52

I do think it could be work he’s been on call for things for a month now and most nights he’s left work only to be told there’s an emergency can he sort xyz and he’s having to meet up with collague on his Saturday to sort xyz for a company that there work deal with

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 24/02/2019 08:58

Take photos of everything he has done so he (and you) are not tempted to minimise it in future.

As someone else said - this is quite serious. He was damaging your property imagining it was your body with the hope that you will realise this and get the message that next time he could hurt you.

Tennesseewhiskey · 24/02/2019 09:02

Personally if I used a lot of hot water, I would put the heater on so there was enough for someone else

However, this reaction isn't normal at all. Theres clearly a lot going on. If its really out of character, you still need to talk about this. And any hint of this again, and I would be out

Iloveacurry · 24/02/2019 09:05

Well if he doesn’t want to change the time for the water so it’s on for longer, he needs to get up earlier to use the shower.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 24/02/2019 09:29

Have old heating system can’t change timer unless we do it manually each weekend.

Practical suggestion: you can update your central heating controls to one where the water and heating come on separately (or just one).

www.amazon.co.uk/slp/central-heating-controller/kufo5ovb735g4dc?tag=mumsnetforum-21

(Mine does heating and water separately. I can set three different on/off times for each of them, for each day.)

ILoveMaxiBondi · 24/02/2019 11:47

if it happens again I will take action

Sorry Op, I know you want to pretend it didn’t happen but it’s far too serious. You’ve basically just said you’ll accept it happening twice. You need to sit down with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour was abusive and disgusting. That he will never again use violence (yes it was violence) to intimidate you (that’s exactly what his aim was-to intimidate you into behaving better the next time) in your own home. Never. not once more. Not twice more. None. Honestly OP you can’t iust accept his apology and put it behind you. It’s far too big. We’re you not terrified at the maniac destroying your house as it has never happened before?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 24/02/2019 12:03

Ilove I’ve already said all of that and he’s apologised and no I wasn’t terrified. I’m not going to keep going over it it’s never happened before In 2.5 years he’s stressed due to work if it ever happens again he’s out completely. I’ve watched my mum put up with this so won’t ever let it happen to me but I’m willing to give second chance. People only get one second chance and there out

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 24/02/2019 12:13

Is everyone reading a different thread to me? Where's the violence?! He's pissed off because mid-shower it turns cold on him - well that pisses me off too. He gets out, possibly needs to finish rinsing his hair in cold water and doesn't want to freeze his bollocks off in cold water at the same time - perfectly reasonable. OP has left the basin full of pads - sorry but who does that when they know someone is going to be getting ready for work?! Do it after when they're gone, don't hog the basin. And in a fit of pissedoffness due to cold water and OPs thoughtlessness he's shoved her shampoo bottles in the bath. Well wow! It's hardly the crime of the century and I really can't see that he's a danger to OP. She 'wasn't terrified' - well no, I would hope not. Who would be terrified if their partner knocks a shampoo bottle in the bath in a fit of stroppiness?!!! Hmm Blush
There are women out there suffering from actual physical violence, having the crap kicked out of them, and you're all up in arms about a shampoo bottle in the bath. I despair.

Josiebloggs · 24/02/2019 12:20

Sorry OP but if he's suddenly out working most nights and working weekends and he's had this much of a strop over a shower I'd be double checking he is actually at work.