Who’s in the wrong

[Littleteacup1]

Our heating and hot water is on for the morning then turns of at 9.at ten I washed my hair hot water was still running. Partners just had a shower Before going out but has moaned that I’ve made him late due to there being not hot water. I’ve suggested in the past we have the hot water on more often but he thinks we shouldn’t as no point if no one is home during the day except weekends

He is actually at working late as works from home or he stays at the office which I walk past on the way home and often pop in to drop of food

He’s worked late for most of our relationship maybe one or 2 nights a week it’s onky now it’s become most nights although he’s has had a promotion and pay rise

I'm with @Friar Tuck on this, people are over-reacting. Just because DV often starts with irrational stroppiness and damage to property does NOT mean that everyone who does this has massive anger management problems or will escalate to physical violence. Sounds like he thrashed around a bit in the bathroom and was petty, because he knew he was running late/short of time and he hadn't taken responsibility for the hot water.

Also, some people sometimes have to work late without there being any hidden agenda!

he's had this much of a strop over a shower
Tell you what, next time you're in a rush, you nip upstairs, get in a nice hot shower and then suddenly turn it down to cold. See what sort of mood you find yourself in. And then when you go to finish off at the basin find your DH's underpants soaking there. A £ says you'll be ready to take out your frustration on a poor helpless shampoo bottle.
Only on Mumsnet.

Toddler tantrums aren’t standard in my house. Sorry, but not everyone fails to develop the appropriate anger management skills that come with emotional maturity. Plenty of people manage to get angry and frustrated without throwing or kicking things. If you do that then you need to work on yourself. It’s not just something everyone does.

Not saying he doesn't need to work on it but the OP is saying it's out of character and he seems to be under a lot of pressure at work so I would suggest it may be worthwhile them talking it through and finding strategies to help him, together.

I too was rereading the update looking for the "violence". He shoved some shampoo bottles and took some towels out of the sink. Annoying and a bit childish but not something to lose sleep over.

not sure what point you’re making crabby. I suggested OP tell him that his behaviour is never to happen again. Which she says she has done. How is that different than them talking about it? Surely you agree it should never happen again?

As for

Just because DV often starts with irrational stroppiness and damage to property does NOT mean that everyone who does this has massive anger management problems or will escalate to physical violence.

It doesn’t have to escalate to physical violence (on OPs body which I think is what you mean- his behaviour was already physically violent) for it to be domestic abuse. Using aggression to intimidate someone is abusive. No-one has said he beat her up. He didn’t. Violence doesn’t have to be the worst end of the scale in order for it to be unacceptable.

For anyone who is reading this and their partner is prone to rages where they throw things that is enough of a reason to end things. You do not have to wait until a fist lands on you. It does not have to be violence against your body in order for it to be abuse.

He didn't have a rage, he had a minor strop!!!!

On the face it does seem brutal but tbh the traditional mouse traps are barbaric half the time the don't kill instanly and mouse left withering to die.There back legs still going on bar trapping them.They couldn't just leave it unpleasant to see but wouldn't make a big deal about it

sorry wrong thread

Depends how you look at it friar. At very least it was a toddler tantrum. From a grown ass man.

And I'd suggest you try following my last but one post and see how you feel after an unexpected cold shower followed by your partner's thoughtlessness inconveniencing you - I'm sure you'd be pretty frustrated too and might lash out at a shampoo bottle in the privacy of the bathroom on your own....

Having no hot water has happened to me countless times. I have a teenager. It results in me saying “there was no hot water for me to shower. can you set your timer on your phone please. Ten minutes.” And he says “oops, sorry.” It’s also happened to him and he said “Mum! You used all the hot water!” And I say “oops, sorry” and nobody throws anything.

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Well anyone who goes to gave a shower at 3pm knowing the water went off at 9 am and expects it to be still warm when there are others in the house.... is an idiot