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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s being unreasonable.

109 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2019 18:55

For background .... I live with DP, 2 dc, Mum and my sister (14) Just has an argument with my sister because she thinks she owns the house, he’s i know typical teenager...
I’ve just finished tidying, cooking, washing up and sat down to watch some recorded tv, she gets out of the bath and says
‘Once you’ve finished your programme I’m watching YouTube on the tv (we have a smart tv). First of all as a 30 year old I’m not appreciating the tone in which she spoke with me. she can watch YouTube on her iPad. I wouldn’t mind to much but she’s literally been at home all week not gone anywhere with her friends and been watching tv all week which is why I’m so behind. so she’s gone stomping upstairs stating I’m being unreasonable and is now blaring music to try piss me off but I’ve just closed the lounge door 😊 my mum has gone out with my aunt. The funny thing is she always pulls this level of shit when my mums goes out. She does act up when my mums here but not to the extent she does the minute she walks out the door.
So tell me who’s being unreasonable..... me because I wouldn’t let her watch something she can watch elsewhere and because she’s literally hogged the tv all week or her for being a selfish little madam?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2019 20:17

@ivanapee....
Not to get a reaction, jus to gauge peoples views of society and everyday issues... some people invest far too much. And guarantee 70% of the posters wouldn’t say anything to someone’s face....

OP posts:
Deadringer · 22/02/2019 20:20

Considering your living arrangements this sort of disagreement must happen all the time, I am surprised you even took the time to post about it. I agree with the first poster, you both need to grow up.

Fabaunt · 22/02/2019 20:34

I’m a bit shocked at how entitled you are. When your mother passes away and the house is sold so you and your siblings have an equal share, what will you do? They won’t have the luxury of moving their family into your house and living the life you set as an example as you won’t have a home. Doesn’t that scare you?

FlyingTingTing · 22/02/2019 20:39

I think YABU and I would happily say it to your face.

I think she was probably rude to you but then again this living situation isn't good so on that basis then YABU.

Shinesweetfreedom · 22/02/2019 20:41

Poor 14 year old kid.
She must feel like she don’t matter.
Certainly her own mum seems to have her hands full with your kids.

Raven88 · 22/02/2019 20:43

You want her to treat you like an adult but you sound quite immature in this post. Why not get your own TV in your room. Also she won't see you as a parental figure she will see you as a sister.

pitterpatterbaby · 22/02/2019 20:48

Is it your sister that has autism? I'm a bit confused?

Wonderbag · 22/02/2019 20:54

She’s been just left to watch tv all half term 🙁
Could you not sort childcare for your dcs so at least this young girl can spend some time doing something nice with her mum?

Hullaballooooo · 22/02/2019 21:03

I'm confused. Was going to suggest getting another TV but it sounds like there are loads in the house already Hmm

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/02/2019 21:04

PP's have made some good points.

Your sister has spent most of the half term watching TV, that is no good at all. Does she ever get to spend time with your Mum just her?

Her growing up with your family and with your Mum doing a lot for your children will be tough on her.

Yes she will be moody and grumpy like lots of teenagers are but I do feel slightly sorry for her.

Everything is all muddled, you are her sister and you both are on equal footing however you're also a Mum and bringing up your children in the same space.

The TV probably isn't the main problem, on the outside it all sounds ridiculous especially considering you all have TV's in your bedroom. Are there many arguments between the pair of you?

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/02/2019 21:06

You sound 14, get a TV in your room or move out.

kitkatsky · 22/02/2019 21:10

I don't understand from your OP whether you and DP moved into your mum and sis's home pr if they moved into yours. This makes a difference... if she's in your space you can ask for bit more respect, but if you moved back into her home you need to offer her same level of respect you expect from her for yourself, while remembering she's an always unreasonable teen

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/02/2019 21:11

@kitkatsky I got the impression OP never moved out of her Mum's house

Klopptimist · 22/02/2019 21:31

pitter No, it's Op's DC who has autism. I cannot imagine that is easy to live with, for anyone.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/02/2019 21:36

Autism doesn't mean stroppy or hard to live with Hmm

slipperywhensparticus · 22/02/2019 21:39

By the way if you and your partner are working you will have plenty of money saved up right?

AuntMarch · 22/02/2019 21:51

You're arguing with a child about the TV. It's ridiculously unreasonable that you can't see you're being a bit of a bell end. You can tell her no, and you can let her strop, but the way you have posted you sound as teenage as her.

And this comes from a 33 year old who's had to move back home!

tararabumdeay · 22/02/2019 21:54

Some people have to play the system in order to keep their forever homes even though it's rented - because they need to.
Mate once had a 2 bed flat and swapped it for 4 beds just up the road.

OP has never mentioned ownership of the place they live just that they all live there.

Good luck OP, your mum and all of you. I hope your family can continue to live there. Once upon a time you could have bought that property and now be sitting on a fortune with a massive flat in a premium area of London.

No? Stuff 'em and stick to your guns with your sister onside when she gets it.

In the mean time it's her home; her safe place.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/02/2019 22:13

Her mom owns the house?

Charlequin · 22/02/2019 22:18

Most pathetic post I've read this evening 🙄

Schuyler · 23/02/2019 01:44

YABU. There are so many ways to watch TV. You have more than one in the house. You could go to your mums bedroom or maybe look at buying wireless headphones for the TV in your bedroom. Does nobody else have a tablet or laptop except your siste?

Your sister is a bit too old to be bickering over something like this and you are definitely too old. You’re not her mother, you’re her sister and you cannot tell her what to do but you both need to meet in the middle.

SilverySurfer · 23/02/2019 02:09

You're 30, don't you want a home of your own? Isn't it stifling living in your DM's house? As for your argument with your DSis re the tv, you both sound as bad as each other.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 23/02/2019 03:54

YABVU. Your sister has done nothing wrong here. All she said was that after you had finished she wanted to watch hers, which is fair as you should take it in turns since you’re encroaching on her living space.

The bigger picture is a major concern though. Neither you nor your partner are providing stability or security for your own family; you’ve got no assets. You’re leaving yourself completely vulnerable and leaving your children nothing.

You may think you are doing the best for your children, but you aren’t, because you aren’t providing for their future.

Ella1980 · 23/02/2019 04:13

Personally I don't think it's fair on anybody to be living with your mum and your own family permanently. Not sure you can use finances as an excuse.

I'm divorced and since leaving my ex five years ago privately rent a two-bed. He pays me nothing so it was totally just down to me to provide for my kids. My fiance now lives with us but is not himself a huge earner so no way we can afford to buy.

My parents live in a beautiful brand new four-bed house in the next village. Huge house, loads of room. We are very close.

Would I for one second consider moving in with them? No. It wouldn't be reasonable for us to make their house ours because my fiance and I have a duty to provide for our sons/stepsons. Yes it is true that life is hard and we certainly don't have luxuries but that's how it has to be.

Do you have honest conversations with your mum about how she really feels about the situation?

JasperKarat · 23/02/2019 05:09

You're thirty years old, (so have been working for around a decade without having to pay to run a home) had children before you could afford to house them, and now refuse to save to do so while you're living in your mother's home so you can have more holidays, days out and treats. Yet you portray your fourteen year old sister add the entitled one for wanting to watch the TV in her family home after you'd watched what you were watching?? Some self reflection might be of benefit here OP.