Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s being unreasonable.

109 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2019 18:55

For background .... I live with DP, 2 dc, Mum and my sister (14) Just has an argument with my sister because she thinks she owns the house, he’s i know typical teenager...
I’ve just finished tidying, cooking, washing up and sat down to watch some recorded tv, she gets out of the bath and says
‘Once you’ve finished your programme I’m watching YouTube on the tv (we have a smart tv). First of all as a 30 year old I’m not appreciating the tone in which she spoke with me. she can watch YouTube on her iPad. I wouldn’t mind to much but she’s literally been at home all week not gone anywhere with her friends and been watching tv all week which is why I’m so behind. so she’s gone stomping upstairs stating I’m being unreasonable and is now blaring music to try piss me off but I’ve just closed the lounge door 😊 my mum has gone out with my aunt. The funny thing is she always pulls this level of shit when my mums goes out. She does act up when my mums here but not to the extent she does the minute she walks out the door.
So tell me who’s being unreasonable..... me because I wouldn’t let her watch something she can watch elsewhere and because she’s literally hogged the tv all week or her for being a selfish little madam?

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 22/02/2019 19:25

So your plan is to live in your mum’s house forever?

The house doesn’t appear to be big enough for all of you. Technically, physically maybe but come on OP!

You’re a 30 year old who has never moved out and who just moved someone in and started having babies.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/02/2019 19:26

I don’t get this. Is it your house?

If it’s your mum’s then I don’t know why you think you should outrank her. She let you watch your programme and then she wanted to watch hers.

Her tone would have been off at your house, but it sounds like it isn’t so you are on equal footing and there’s nothing wrong with what she said.

Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2019 19:26

@plainspeakingstraighttalking
Who said she was moving out.....? She’s not moving anywhere...

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 22/02/2019 19:27

You are not 30! 😂

Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2019 19:30

I may live with my mum but I do my fair share of the chores. I do most of the cooking and believe it or not we do get on.. yesterday sister started arguing with my brother who said he was coming with us out at the weekend for a family meal. At the end of the day my kids have a roof over their head, my mum has no intentions of chucking us out.... she loves the time she gets to spend with her gc. She said she’d hate it if we moved out anyway because it would be too quiet and she would have nothing to do.

OP posts:
DoneLikeAKipper · 22/02/2019 19:32

Why should she move out

Because if a 30 year old can’t share a tv with a 14 year old without getting into such an arse about it they have to post the whole silly argument on Mumsnet, perhaps the living arrangements aren’t worked anymore. The sister is being a typical 14 year old, if the op doesn’t like it, well perhaps they should start putting some aside each month for their own place. I bet the 14 year old can’t wait until their old enough to move out from this odd set up quite frankly.

not that I can afford to tbh, me and DP earn to much for benefits but not enough to afford a house especially here in the south east.

Surely living with your mother equates to a substantial saving compared to renting? If your partner earns more than an allowance of benefits, where is the excess going if not into savings? I’d imagine if this has been the case for years, it has given you ample opportunity to save, possibly even for a deposit on your own place by now!

IvanaPee · 22/02/2019 19:34

Fair share of chores!

Come on! Grow up and get a family home. Your dc have a roof over their heads yeah, but you’re not providing it!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 22/02/2019 19:34

@Sophisticatedsarcasm I was referring to the posters who seem to think you should move out .

This is MN - where kids are either cotton wool balled until 47, or told to get thee to fuck at 16. There is no mid ground. You cannot have a multigenerational property. Its against posters rules.

Catinthetwat · 22/02/2019 19:36

She's been in all week watching TV. So was your mum too busy looking after your DC to do something with her own daughter? 14 is still young.

Maybe this works for everyone except your sister and she resents you. Maybe you could be kinder to her?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/02/2019 19:36

You don’t sound very good at turn taking, perhaps you should work on that. I don’t think your being an adult allows you to lord it over a teenage sister in your mum’s house. You’re not a guest so you don’t get those privileges either. Your sister might rightly be less than thrilled at having to live with your family. Not her decision, but nothing she can do about it.

ArnoldBee · 22/02/2019 19:36

Buy your own tv - sorted!

EustaciaPieface · 22/02/2019 19:37

You all sound like you watch too much TV

MaybeitsMaybelline · 22/02/2019 19:38

If your mums house is big enough for all of you, then it’s big enough for you to buy you ur own smart tv and stick it in another room surely?

TacoLover · 22/02/2019 19:39

If I was fourteen and confused and hormonal again being forced to live with my sister's two young kids and partner i would have a much worse attitude than your sister OP. She didn't even do anything wrong, she just said she was going to watch tv AFTER you had finished your programmeConfused obviously you don't care about my opinion but I think it's quite strange to have never moved out and be 30. Have you not been saving all this time?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/02/2019 19:39

You sound 15.

NutElla5x · 22/02/2019 19:39

You for still living at home at 30 when you have a partner and 2 kids!

Birdsgottafly · 22/02/2019 19:40

You're viewing your Sister as one of your children. She's a young adult, with as much right to watch the television as you.

So what if she's moidy? In reality she shouldn't have to share her home with another family. If there is only one living room, it isn't big enough to share.

Let's hope that your Brother and Sister don't get pushed out of their family home.

wLuytgNx · 22/02/2019 19:41

It's not her fault she doesn't contribute to the bills or pay for the TV - She is just a teenager.

She could have come in demanding to watch the TV right at that moment but she was giving you a heads up that after you were finished she wanted to watch her programme. Of course she is going to come across rude, she's a teenager. It won't be "oh sister dearest, once your programme is complete, May I watch..?"

p.s I would love a spare hour to sit and watch TV.........

Ellisandra · 22/02/2019 19:41

EustaciaPieface has it.

sighrollseyes · 22/02/2019 19:41

Why not move out and get your own place at 30?

LavenderBelle · 22/02/2019 19:42

You sound like the teenager, people are telling you YABU but you can’t seem to accept it

Crystalintheeyes · 22/02/2019 19:43

Your 30! Move the hell out and get your own place.

Why would you even want to live with your mum at that age. Get some independence.

IWantChocolates · 22/02/2019 19:43

EustaciaPieface I was thinking the same thing.

Read a book, OP?

MadAboutWands · 22/02/2019 19:43

You sound like you are acting like a mother toward her rather than a sister. Which makes totally sense because of the age difference and the fact you have looked after her for a long time. Basically neither yu nor her see each other on equal footing but you dint have qu Te the same ‘weight’ than your mum hence she plays up more for you than your mum.

I think she asked in a way that wasn’t polite at all and any child of mine wouod have had the same answer tbh.
BUT it’s also an age when you need to start treating her like an adult rather than a child. You need to start acting as if you are a similar footing, like you will have to with your own dc when they reach 14~15yo rather than telling them off/telling them what to do.

MadAboutWands · 22/02/2019 19:45

I have to say I’m laughing at some of the answers.
People telling the OP that she should be liv8ng in her own house whent he OP has already explained why it’s not a possibility.
Followed by people treating the OP as if she was 17yo and acting as a child.” Being good taking turns” fgs. You say that to a 8yo not a 30yo....