Friend slept with a stag on night out

[HopeDog]

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

*If you question that, you have no moral fibre to speak of. And you're stupid. And I hope you also get cheated on, and then see if you think "the woman is innocent, she doesn't know me therefore 'owes me nothing'"

Well prize for most ridiculous overreaction on the thread goes to...

(a) I have never and would never sleep with a man in a relationship
(b) I'm single so the cheating thing will be hard but you knock yourself out with bizarre hopes because someone on the net disagrees with you

And how about them both being responsible? He's on his stag, he should know not to chase other women. She found out he was a husband-to-be on his stag, she should have said no. Both have behaved appallingly.

ADropofReality - I have said it is not a choice I would make, and I don't agree with sleeping with someone who is attached. However, at the end of the day, it is the attached person who made a commitment.

I disagree with the sentiment that women have take responsibility to help stop a man cheating. It is unfair for women to be responsible for men's actions and also unfair to men to paint a picture of being unable to manage their own behaviours.

Statements such as "women shouldn't be easy" or "women should make it harder for men to get their dicks wet", "boys will be boys" and the like perpetuate the myth that women lead men astray and men can't really be held fully accountable and they are victims of circumstance and uncontrollable urges.

It is possible to think that people should avoid having sex with others in committed relationships, whilst at the same time disagreeing with sentiments which reinforce the message that women have to be the gatekeepers of "moral" behaviour, to avoid men making mistakes.

They both have done wrong.

Him more so because he has betrayed his partner. But she still knowingly did it and played a part in the betrayal.

How would she feel if she was on the receiving end?

I can't stand women who think that it's not their problem. Have some morality and thought for someone other than yourself, for God's sake!

But sleeping with someone who you know is attached isn't a different moral code. It is wrong

But not according to everyone! That’s my point.

Some people don’t believe that the single person has any moral obligation to the cheatee.

You don’t have to agree with it or think it’s right but that’s how it is. Some morals are subjective.

What I mostly take exception to on this thread is the idea that somehow women are or should be responsible for the actions of men.

As I said; unless he’s a cheater he won’t cheat. Simple as that.

It's not that hard to find someone to have sex with who does not have a partner.

I think women who do this knowingly get some sort of sadistic thrill or power from stealing someone's man.

Same with a man who has sex with a woman who is in a relationship. Just sleep with other single people what's so hard about that?!

I am not sure that anyone is stating that women need to be held accountable for men's actions, it would be the same conversation if this were a man who slept with a bride to be . I don't believe in the boys will be boys shit either, this is about just being a good person.
I am really baffled that some people live their lives thinking this is acceptable behavior male or femle.

I think women who do this knowingly get some sort of sadistic thrill or power from stealing someone's man.

You can't steal a person. People are not property. Even a married person is free to leave the marriage at any time if they choose to do so.

Thanks for sharing it on the Internet though, on a public forum. AIBU 'my friend posted my secret for all to see? She thinks she is morally superior to me'

She IS morally superior. It's not hard with that utter disregard for others or yourself.

@TellItLikeItReallyIs don't pretend like you don't know what I meant, it's about the principle not the pedantic. Of course people are free to leave marriages, it doesn't mean that third parties should help them out

Men are perfectly capable (or should be) of managing themselves. And if he wasn’t a cheat, she could have stripped naked in front of him and begged for a shag, and he would have said no.

And you honestly wouldn't think a woman doing that wasn't an absolute wanker? With no morals. And totally untrustworthy as a friend?

I don't understand the need to always defend women no matter what. Some women are wankers.

I'd never trust this woman again.
She has no moral compass

He is for sure responsible but that doesn't mean she doesn't take any of the responsibility or blame. Gross thing to do.

You can't steal a person. People are not property. Even a married person is free to leave the marriage at any time if they choose to do so

It is disingenuous of you to deny that some people actually do this

And they sometimes succeed in manipulating, coercing and seducing people to do things. We are not all perfect humans like you who are immune from persuasion

@JacquesHammer

(a) I have never and would never sleep with a man in a relationship but you think it's OK to sleep with someone's fiance? Roughly what is the difference?
(b) I'm single so the cheating thing will be hard but you knock yourself out with bizarre hopes because someone on the net disagrees with you grin No surprises there! I have encountered you when I was using a previous name and you were equally irritating then, whatever the topic you seem to enjoy coming in with your wildly controversial opinion then goading people to bite with your ridiculous statements. I imagine you would be a very difficult person to tolerate IRL

I'd never trust this woman again.
She has no moral compass

Agree, it's a major red flag that she has no guilt or remorse for her actions. Don't be friends with someone like this.

AGAIN, it's apparent I must state: He is a prick too! A bigger prick than her!

I disagree with the sentiment that women have take responsibility to help stop a man cheating. It is unfair for women to be responsible for men's actions and also unfair to men to paint a picture of being unable to manage their own behaviours.

The woman is complicit in the act of betrayal whether you like that or not. Her actions enable his, she is complicit. It is really straightforward that she holds some responsibility in the aftermath.

If she didn't do it there would be no aftermath, so it is just indisputable that she is playing a role in betraying another person.

And you honestly wouldn't think a woman doing that wasn't an absolute wanker? With no morals. And totally untrustworthy as a friend?

I wouldn’t do it myself, I think it’s wrong. Not sure if it reflects who she is as a friend if I’m being honest.

I just don’t like this idea of women managing the behaviour of men.

It’s six of one and half dozen of the other. They’re both morally bankrupt and anyone who did this would no longer be my friend. I have this weird thing about my friends being people I like and respect.

I just don’t like this idea of women managing the behaviour of men

You are lost in an ideology here. At a very basic level, this is about a woman being responsible and saying her behaviour will affect others. His obviously does too, but hers also does. She is playing a role in an act that will harm someone.

She is not responsible for his behaviour. But choosing to do that does make her complicit in a betrayal

just don’t like this idea of women managing the behaviour of men.

I would say it's more about managing their own behavior because they should know right and wrong and that goes for men and women

Breaks the girl code
The what?
Never heard that pile of shite before.
'Girl code' my arse.
On behalf of all rational women everywhere, I reject the concept of 'girl code' and any other bloody stupid idea that makes women responsible for the policing of men's behaviour in their primary relationships. If your husband or boyfriend wants to shag someone else, it's not her fault, it's his.

rtt @plasticpatty

I would say it's more about managing their own behavior because they should know right and wrong and that goes for men and women

And knowing what's 'right', they'll refuse to be held accountable for men who do things their wives wouldn't like.

You do realise that the other side to this is the equally ridiculous script men and society use that runs 'If your partner/husband is unfaithful it's because you haven't been meeting his sexual needs'? Making the wife-figure responsible. No! That's bollocks, too.

Stop making men's behaviour the responsibility of women.

If she didn't do it there would be no aftermath, so it is just indisputable that she is playing a role in betraying another person.

Don't entirely agree with this. If it wasn't her it was just as likely to be some other skank. There is no real aftermath for OP's friend. She doesn't know the guy, just met him that night, and doesn't know his poor fiancee, so she's unlikely to have to deal with any of the fallout.

BUT, the fact that she has absolutely no guilt or remorse, that shows a complete lack of empathy, accountability and basic moral fibre.

The point is, the stag is a cunt who was likely to cheat on his fiance, I doubt it was OP's friend's unique charm that beguiled him. But why did she enable this awful act? Because she's a bitch!

Like I said previously, I hope this happens to her one day.

rtt @plasticpatty**

No. I'll read the opening bollocks and skip the sensible responses.