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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend slept with a stag on night out

489 replies

HopeDog · 22/02/2019 11:50

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

OP posts:
Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 10:29

It is not a woman's responsibility to stop a stranger from cheating on his partner.

True, but imo she is responsible for not actively enabling the cheating to take place!

It’s a bit like a get away driver pleading innocence that they only drove the car and didn’t actually rob the bank!

Asta19 · 23/02/2019 10:32

but I wish you could go back 25, 50 or 100 years and see how things were

I can’t go back 100 years, but I’m 50 this year so I can go back 25. In the area of relationships, yes I was definitely more respected 25 years ago. Back then my boyfriends didn’t expect me to act out things they’d seen in porn videos, they didn’t treat me as a booty call, they weren’t chatting up other women on social media behind my back because it didn’t exist. I’d love for relationships to go back to how they were then.

Moominfan · 23/02/2019 10:32

If it wasn't her it would be someone else. Hopefully truth will out one way or another and bride to be or wife can move on

Moominfan · 23/02/2019 10:33

But I wouldn't want to be mates with someone who does that. It's shitty.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 10:34

“It's not ok to sleep with someone who is about to be married. ”

Says who?

Weetabixandshreddies · 23/02/2019 10:36

Women NEVER have to take responsibility for a man’s behaviour.

But we should take responsibility for own behaviour.

This woman slept with a soon to be married man. She is responsible for her behaviour surely? The man here is answerable to his fiancee and the friend isn't responsible for what he did but she is totally responsible for what she did ie agreeing to sleep with a man that she knew was in a serious relationship.

She can never complain if a partner does the same to her can she because in her eyes there is nothing wrong with this.

Cheeeeislifenow · 23/02/2019 10:38

*“It's not ok to sleep with someone who is about to be married. ”

Says who?*

Decent moral humans that's who.

Alsohuman · 23/02/2019 10:40

Anyone with a moral compass @ Streetwise.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 23/02/2019 10:42

Responsibility here lies 100% at the mans door. He was probably going to be unfaithful that night and it just happened to be OPs friend who was the OW.

She owes nothing to the bride at all however to sleep with a guy you know us attached I think you accept your actions will contribute to pain down the line for another person. That is a very shitty thing to do.

And I could literally have a different ONS every weekend with a different consenting adult and provided we are both unattached and keeping safe its not a problem and no one should judge me for that.

sillysmiles · 23/02/2019 10:44

She agreed to sleep with a man. Her interaction was with him and him alone.
He agreed to sleep with a woman. But his interaction had impact on other people- namely his fiance.

Bluelonerose · 23/02/2019 10:46

The stag is vile and I hope he gets found out.

As for your friend. I wouldn't trust her again if she knowingly slept with anyone she knew was in a relationship.

But if she is free and single it is her choice as to where her morals lie.

Niffler25 · 23/02/2019 10:46

I can't believe the amount of woman on this thread who didn't think there is anything wrong with a man/woman sleeping with someone they know is in a relationship Confused. It's a disgusting, low, immoral thing to do regardless of your genitalia! Nothing to do with the nonsense that is 'girl code', it's just wrong on every level. No wonder the world is in such a mess with the attitude of do what you want and bugger everyone else! OP I personally couldn't be friends with someone who did that, man or woman.

Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 10:48

Back then my boyfriends didn’t expect me to act out things they’d seen in porn videos, they didn’t treat me as a booty call, they weren’t chatting up other women on social media behind my back because it didn’t exist. I’d love for relationships to go back to how they were then.

I’m sorry you’ve had crap men in your life recently, but to say things are worse than they’ve ever been when women were legally regarded as chattels who had no right to vote, required a man to get a loan, and who couldn’t be raped by their husbands if married is daft.

Asta19 · 23/02/2019 10:50

I’m not sure when rape in marriage was made illegal but I could still vote and get a loan 25 years ago!

Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 10:51

But if she is free and single it is her choice as to where her morals lie.

Yes, of course someone’s morals are their choice! It doesn’t make her right though.

My morals may be (they’re not) to sleep around with who I want, when I want, irrespective of the relationship I’m in. Is that ok because it’s “my choice where my morals lie?”

Weetabixandshreddies · 23/02/2019 10:51

No wonder the world is in such a mess with the attitude of do what you want and bugger everyone else!

Exactly this. When did being totally selfish and not caring about causing pain to another human being become an acceptable way to live?

Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 10:52

I’m not sure when rape in marriage was made illegal but I could still vote and get a loan 25 years ago!

Perhaps, but you said that women were less respected than they’d ever been, not since 1994!

Asta19 · 23/02/2019 10:53

Ok fine if you want to be picky about it. Women are less respected now than they were 25 years ago! That is not progress!

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 10:54

“Anyone with a moral compass @ Streetwise.”

Maybe not. What if the women in question thinks marriage is a load of bullshit? She can sleep with whoever she likes. All adults have that freedom.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2019 10:54

1991 was when rape within marriage was outlawed

Alsohuman · 23/02/2019 10:57

Women are less respected than they’ve ever been in my life time - I’m 65. And I place the blame for that fairly and squarely on the value so many seem to put on themselves.

Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 10:57

She agreed to sleep with a man. Her interaction was with him and him alone.

But the ramifications of her actions are not so restricted are they! To go back to my previous analogy, It’s a bit like a get away driver excusing their actions by saying “my only interaction is between myself and the steering wheel - I’m not directly involved in any theft so I’m morally upright”

JacquesHammer · 23/02/2019 10:58

Women are less respected now than they were 25 years ago!

I think on a societal level you’re probably right. But I think women’s consensual sex lives are nothing to do with that.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 10:58

“
Yes, of course someone’s morals are their choice! It doesn’t make her right though.

My morals may be (they’re not) to sleep around with who I want, when I want, irrespective of the relationship I’m in. Is that ok because it’s “my choice where my morals lie?””

What is the link between sex and morality? I have never really grasped this.

If a woman or a man are faithful to their partners all their lives but they are cruel to animals and beat their children, how is that better than people who sleep around and are kind to everyone?

Woolyheads · 23/02/2019 11:05

Phew. So glad this turned out to be a human man.

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