To ask if you regret having a small wedding?

[gigi556]

DP and I have been together for 5 years and have one DS nearly 2. His family live here in the UK and my family all live in the USA. The majority of our friends live here in the UK. DP is divorced and I've never been married.

I was always adamant I would never have kids before I was married and even that I didn't want to live together before I was married but changed my mind as my priorities seemed different when I met DP. We are a bit older and felt prioritizing buying a house and starting a family was more important at the time. I also did not push for marriage because I really could never reconcile in my head The Who, what and where of a wedding when our families live 1000s of miles away.

Fast forward to now. I really want to be married. It's really important to me and I regret not doing it sooner as life has a way of it never being a good time especially now we have a son.

My "dream" wedding would be a casual village hall type affair with all our friends and family (that can come). Nothing fancy or overly expensive. A close friend of mine passed away a few months ago and this has pushed me towards wanting "everyone" to be there as I feel opportunities to see everyone and celebrate the milestones of life are few and far between.

DP says he wants to get married but I think would be happy to carry on as we are. The legal status isn't as important to him but I'm definitely "it" for him. His first wedding has obviously traumatized him a bit as the costs spiraled and they spent £20k which was 2x original budget. We don't have spare money at the moment and he doesn't think we can do my "dream" wedding for less than £6k-£7k. I think we can do it for less but I also know that we will have help from my dad as he paid for my sisters wedding at a significant cost. He's quite proud and although I think he'd accept help, I think he'd rather not or not entirely.

Anyway, we are booked to go to the states in April and the idea of getting married while we are out there has been mooted. Very small civil service with food after at a restaurant or hotel with 20-25 close friends/family. On the one hand, it means we'd finally just do it. I'd have my immediate family there and a couple of friends. I do think it'd be lovely. My priority is being married rather than getting married but I'm worried I'd regret not having any of his family there and none of our friends from here. I could get excited about it, but equally I feel a bit meh about the idea as it definitely feels like a big compromise. Funny enough, before we had DS, I would definitely have eloped just the two of us (this no longer appeals as we'd have to take our son!!)

Anyway, if you're still reading, did you have a small "compromise" wedding and regret it? Or were you happy you just did it?

As a side note, DP has suggested having a party here in the UK at later date but I really don't see the point as I feel it's really not the same as a wedding.

I don't know anyone who has regretted having a small wedding. I've had several friends and family say that they'd spent way too much in their big weddings and they wished they'd been more sensible as they'd have had a house deposit/honeymoon or they'd not still be paying it off years later. One guy I know is still paying for his first huge wedding whilst now engaged to wife no. 2 to be.

We did Gretna Green with 15 guests and no, I regret nothing. We had a lovely little ceremony followed by a gorgeous meal, we did everything just as we wanted it

To add, we did have a party back home but in all honesty that was a bit much for me and I was glad I didn't have the party on my wedding day as by 8.30pm on our wedding day I decided I'd had enough and was leaving to go to bed

DH and I married three years ago in New York, just the two of us. It was perfect and I'd do it again tomorrow.

Did ours with 5 weeks notice. Short notice and my living abroad really cut down the guest list. Both from huge families. Don't regret a thing.

Our wedding was about 25 people for a nice dinner. Our original plan was 15 people, but after many requests we extended the guest list a bit. Don’t regret it for a second.

You can always throw an amazing anniversary party at some point.

And no friends that we hadn't both met.

Nope. Was about 30 people, would have had ten if I could have got away with it.

I slightly regret having a big wedding. So much money could've been saved doing it smaller and the wonderful memories of the day were the things that didn't cost anything and involved only those closest to us.

Just us and two witnesses that were passers-by. It was the best day we have ever had as the celebration of our relationship. There were no family politics, bad behaviour or pointless expenses, so the real significance to us of the ceremony and the rest of the day had no-one at all around to spoil it. You can't ever put a price on that.

Not a moment regretted, every moment was and is treasured.

The whiners will get over it

I regret having a massive one! Dreadful waste of money for one day!!

@Roomba Well yes, DP definitely regrets the cost of his first wedding as the marriage was over 18 months later. He has said it was one hell of a party though!

We had no guests - the photographer was our witness - had never met him before - our wedding was perfect! We had a big party when we got home - best of both worlds!

Ours was under 50 people so probably small no regrets at all

Just had witnesses - but then I hate a fuss and people looking at me. I'm separated mow but never had any regrets. Registry office and afternoon tea - was plenty. But I get what you mean about the scarce times you are gathered with the people you love though.

Small wedding here. I don't regret it, but if I was to do it again I would elope or cut it right down and have a posh lunch out instead of a reception.

we had 50 at the register office, and then over the road to the pub for an informal buffet. If I did it again I'd probably have maybe 10 or 15 less TBH.

I would regret it if I spent countless thousands of food, frock and paraphernalia that would have no use after 1 day!
We paid for our own wedding so it helped focus on the essentials - Marraige Service followed by a nice meal for close friends and family and a nice honeymoon for us. Our money was committed to the house we were buying.

I've been to some eyewateringly costly weddings - but even if I had the £20,000 some cost, I'd have put it to our home rather than a party.
Like everything else though - each to their own. Your wedding, you decide according to your priorities.

I regret not having a wedding dress. A dress would have been OTT for what we did. I do regret that. But much of what we did was perfect.

One friend went to USA had just a couple of friends and all the children, they did Disney, the Quays had a great holiday. Another friend went to Australia just them, the children and another family.

When you get back you could have a bbq type event party and invite family and friends.

I didn’t have a small wedding, I had a big one. It was a great day.

BUT, I barely thought about it after about a month afterwards. I don’t know anyone who regretted their wedding, big or small. I’d say it’s not very important in the overall scheme of things. Have your small wedding, enjoy it, get on with the rest of your life.

I really could never reconcile in my head The Who, what and where of a wedding when our families live 1000s of miles away.

So not so much a paltry wedding as a Daltrey one.

We had a small wedding... 30 guests. Booked a room in a hotel, paid for everyone to stay the night, and was everything we wanted for under £5000 (total Inc dresses, flowers, everything)

I don't regret anything...loved my wedding.

I didn't RTFT because I leap forward to say that we don't regret a thing! Eloped. Only our children and two witnesses (non-relations) invited...best day ever! Lovely ceremony, amazing boozy lunch at a Michelin starred restaurant then a loose walk on the pier. Soooooooooooo happy we did EXACTLY what we wanted.

That said, a super fun party with friends followed the next week. Perfect balance.

I have around 10-12 people registry office and a meal locally. It was honestly a wonderful day and I’m really happy 20 yrs on with it