To ask if you regret having a small wedding?

[gigi556]

DP and I have been together for 5 years and have one DS nearly 2. His family live here in the UK and my family all live in the USA. The majority of our friends live here in the UK. DP is divorced and I've never been married.

I was always adamant I would never have kids before I was married and even that I didn't want to live together before I was married but changed my mind as my priorities seemed different when I met DP. We are a bit older and felt prioritizing buying a house and starting a family was more important at the time. I also did not push for marriage because I really could never reconcile in my head The Who, what and where of a wedding when our families live 1000s of miles away.

Fast forward to now. I really want to be married. It's really important to me and I regret not doing it sooner as life has a way of it never being a good time especially now we have a son.

My "dream" wedding would be a casual village hall type affair with all our friends and family (that can come). Nothing fancy or overly expensive. A close friend of mine passed away a few months ago and this has pushed me towards wanting "everyone" to be there as I feel opportunities to see everyone and celebrate the milestones of life are few and far between.

DP says he wants to get married but I think would be happy to carry on as we are. The legal status isn't as important to him but I'm definitely "it" for him. His first wedding has obviously traumatized him a bit as the costs spiraled and they spent £20k which was 2x original budget. We don't have spare money at the moment and he doesn't think we can do my "dream" wedding for less than £6k-£7k. I think we can do it for less but I also know that we will have help from my dad as he paid for my sisters wedding at a significant cost. He's quite proud and although I think he'd accept help, I think he'd rather not or not entirely.

Anyway, we are booked to go to the states in April and the idea of getting married while we are out there has been mooted. Very small civil service with food after at a restaurant or hotel with 20-25 close friends/family. On the one hand, it means we'd finally just do it. I'd have my immediate family there and a couple of friends. I do think it'd be lovely. My priority is being married rather than getting married but I'm worried I'd regret not having any of his family there and none of our friends from here. I could get excited about it, but equally I feel a bit meh about the idea as it definitely feels like a big compromise. Funny enough, before we had DS, I would definitely have eloped just the two of us (this no longer appeals as we'd have to take our son!!)

Anyway, if you're still reading, did you have a small "compromise" wedding and regret it? Or were you happy you just did it?

As a side note, DP has suggested having a party here in the UK at later date but I really don't see the point as I feel it's really not the same as a wedding.

Let there be family fall out....tbh if they kick off about not being invited then they are a bit toxic and it was prob good that they didn't attend!

Why don't you marry in the USA then throw a church hall reception party back in the U.K. - if you cater yourselves it would cost under £1000

We buggered off and got married in Vegas, in the suite we were staying in, BIL & his wife as witnesses. It was perfect.

We got married abroad with very few peopl (less than 20) unfortunately in laws were unable to attend which was a real shame but we had a big party for all friends and family in the U.K. saved us a fortune and we had a wonderful holiday around our wedding. Would not change it at all

I had a really small wedding, 30 off guests. It all (including honeymoon) came to around £5000 I think? All paid for, no debt - which was brilliant! However, I wish that we had of run away to do it. It was a lovely day, but I don't feel I got as much out of it but mainly due to me hating being centre of attention. Plus I am not particularly romantic!

We did it for under £1000. Small village church, only immediate family and handful of friends. We all walked to village bistro few doors down for drinks and lunch. They had kitted it out with fairy lights! Lucky enough to have a friend who’s a decent photographer and she had lunch and drinks in return, plus got everyone to forward us their snaps off smartphones. Never ever regretted it, it was exactly what I wanted. Having a big formal do would have been my idea of hell!

Ours was small and lovely - I'd probably do it even smaller in hindsight!

We eloped. No regrets at all. I don't get why people have these huge weddings after they've already had kids or say they can't afford to get married when they already have a house and kids or have a huge wedding with vows when they're already been divorced. The wedding in the US sounds perfect! I'd go for that.

26 including the bride and groom and I would have been happy with less, it was a wonderful personal day. My brother had 7 in total and it was so intimate, it was wonderful.

I had 15 people and a buffet at our house . I only wanted the truly closest people to me there .

Ultimately I see a wedding about 2 people making a commitment

If you spend a lot of money, you can have unrealistic expectations of the day.
We spent £1000 and it was perfect. Register office and function room in a lovely country pub with DJ and food for 60 guests. That was 20 years ago though!
Spending more money and getting anxious about the little details does not equate to a happier day. I reckon being relaxed is more important.
If I were you, I would definitely get married in the US and have a blessing in church and party when you return. It will still be special.

We are getting married this year, just us, not even DC - going away for 2 nights, having the ceremony and a nice meal and that's it! It's a package deal so only need to organise paperwork and something to wear so we can actually look forward to it.
Everyone important (apart from my "difficult" family members) knows and is happy for us including the kids. We'll have a family meal when we get home to celebrate and I'll wear my dress for them and if they change their minds we can add them to the booking. We've both had short and disastrous marriages before so we know how unimportant the actual wedding really is, we just want the rings, certificate and a couple of nice photos to show them. Don't think we'll regret it.

We had 50 people and spent £2k and don’t regret a thing

We had a very small wedding, 19 altogether inc ourselves.

Afterwards I wish it had been smaller, 17 people too many!

I was far more interested in the marriage than the wedding day, we left for our honeymoon the same day, I could not wait to leave everyone.

Have been to way to many weddings where ££££ has been spent, and of course its up to the couple how they spend their money but it just was so stressful for many of the brides, many having to 'keep up with whoever'.

One wedding was not short of £35,000 lots paid for on credit cards, less than 2 years later they split up, crazy and they are still paying for it!

Small wedding costing less than 400 quid with registry office and pub do. Was amazing - a really happy, fun and positive day. Our friends were all delighted for us and we had a blast.

We got married in Paris, where we were living at the time. Just our parents and immediate family and a few close friends although my DH probably found that too much and would have preferred it to be just us. It was really low key but suited us down to a tee. Twenty years later and I still look back with such happiness.

We had a small wedding. Very small budget. We married in a registry office with my sister and DHs best friend as witnesses and then a big (for us) party in our big garden. No fancy dress or expensive rings. Friends and family provided flowers food cake photographs and even decorated the garden for us. We already had our DC aged 2 and 5 and it was wonderful having them there. We both felt our marriage was a personal commitment to each other and DCs and not a big public declaration. I wouldnt change one thing about our wedding day and neither would my DH (we would both have hated the pressure of a big church wedding with so much expectation). As for your own situtation, I would say that as you live in the UK cant have both sides of the family together for your wedding it would be nice to do it in the US while you are there and then have a big 'We got married' party when you get back to the UK.

I regret having a big wedding.

Your plans don’t sound “small”, especially if they involve transatlantic flights for any of the guests.

In your situation I would just marry asap in the UK, very quickly and cheaply, and use money for other things.

Being “it” for him is by-the-by: you don’t currently have legal and financial security.

Husband and I, has a small church wedding (Super Cheap) and found hidden in the countryside a 13th Century Mill House that has been turned into a restaurant, they have a event room you could hire for £200. we spent another 300 on a massive hog roast for 50 people.

My amazing mum paid for a DJ for us, Our friends wedding present was all of them put in for a photographer for us - have a close friendship group of about 20 (Although you can do it cheaper if you go to a university asking students to do it for their portfolio)

Whole wedding came to £2200. It was very Low Key, Low Price & Everyone to this day says it was the most relaxed fun wedding they have ever been too (Including those that are married themselves)

So yes! Low Key and Relaxed ( you want to enjoy your day, which if its a massive show like day you won't )

Also some advise, on the day - Step back with your hubby. and just take 10 minutes watching everyone dance and drink and laugh. just take them 10 minutes to take a mental picture! it goes so quick you'll forget half of the day!

No regrets at all, had a very small (second) wedding, civil ceremony followed by lunch, five guests in total. My first wedding was also quite small, garden party type event at home but looking back even that was too much & you never get the chance to chat to all your friends & family at a wedding.

I wish my wedding was smaller than it already was.

I loathe big weddings. DH and I took a day off work and spent £13.50 on the licence, had a registry office do with two witnesses and no guests.
No reception, flowers, cake, photographer or daft dress. I was back at work next morning for an 80 hour continuous shift as a junior doctor. We spent our “honeymoon” in my hospital on call room. No regrets.
The wedding is irrelevant - it’s the marriage that matters. And DH and I loved each other dearly, right up to his sadly early death at 36.

We had 12 people. Registry office then private room in a very nice restaurant,
No regrets at all it wass amazing.
people saying they had a small wedding of just 50, that's not small!

We had a small wedding but prioritised having both families there. That meant having it vaguely centrally located in the UK and moving the date we originally picked. His family couldn't make that date but were happy for us to go ahead anyway without them. We moved it instead which pretty much forced them to come!

It was an opportunity to see everyone and have some family photos and those photos mean more as some of those people have now died and are the last photos we have of them. In particular it was the last photo taken of my brother in law's wife and him taken together all dressed up and he now has that photo up at home even though or wedding was not exactly a significant event for them.

I have to admit I didn't have a dream wedding in mind at all, but a work colleague pretty much strong armed me into going to find a cheap wedding dress (under £100) and I am grateful to her because I now appreciate the photos and would now have regretted not doing that part.

I think you have to decide what is important to you. You can have the key elements without spending much. Looking back for me it was having the people there and the photos.

Best decision ever.
Less stress
Less money
Less annoying relatives putting you down
I could enjoy the day without nerves and not having to worry about other people