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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To share what my Smear nurse said?

302 replies

LellowYedbetter · 20/02/2019 12:53

On Friday I went for my smear ... after two weeks of dreading it. The embarrassment, the awkwardness, what if I smell? What if the nurse thinks I look weird down there? What if .. what if ... what if ...

Well I got there and sat down. The nurse made small talk about unrelated stuff and then sighed and said “I’ve got 12 smears today, all one after another! I’m going to be smeared out by the time I leave work!”

Ok so apart from the “smeared out” comment making me laugh like a giggling school kid I IMMEDIATELY relaxed. This procedure that is a nightmare for the patient is just one of many jobs on that nurses list. There are at least 11 other women having their smear today with this one nurse. As if this nurse is going to remember the smelly fanny of patient number 3, or the hairy legs of patient number 1, or the fat belly of patient number 8 ... it made me realise that although the procedure is a massive deal for the patient, to the nurse it’s just another 20 minute appointment. It helped me. And I’m posting this hoping it might help others?

OP posts:
Redglitter · 20/02/2019 16:41

The nurse i went to told me its a lot harder to do a smear test for a fat patient - ive never been back

Birdsgottafly · 20/02/2019 16:43

"I must I admit I'm genuinely baffled as to why anyone dreads smear tests; they don't bother me at all,"
" Well lucky you. Wait until you’re post menopause and the speculum feels like the nurse has inserted a red-hot poker into you."

I had to have my pelvic floor muscles tested, for post Menopause incontinence and that was painful. It's put me off getting a smear. I have a tilted cervix, so that doesn't help.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 20/02/2019 16:44

I've had 2 c sections, 1 epidural, 1 lumbar puncture (that took 4 attempts) and an examination of my bladder via the urethra. None of those were as distressing as my last 2 smear tests. It's SO FUCKING PATRONISING to suggest women avoid smears due to embarrassment. Infact it doesn't ring true at all and I have my doubts about this op and this thread.

BusterGonad · 20/02/2019 16:47

I didn't have a smear for bloody years after having my son, I'm almost the other way now and hate any medical intervention. My son was born extremely prem, then I started to get poorly with stomach pains and bowel issues on and off over the next 7 years. I was eventually diagnosed with crohns, I just felt like my body was out of control and hate being poked and prodded. The longer I left it the more worried I got about the possibility of having cancer. It sounds so stupid but after failing in going full term pregnancy wise then being diagnosed with a chronic condition I just felt like I WAS going to have a bad outcome from the smear! I eventually had one about 8/9 years late and all was well. It hurt a tiny bit. Hopefully when the next one is due I won't get so worked up. Just a little tip, I don't shower/wash the morning of my smear as I've heard (I could be wrong) that it's easier when your not freshly washed.

pudding21 · 20/02/2019 16:52

bib Of course there are many reasons why people hate smears, and many people have said the same thing on here and they are valid reasons. The research states otherwise, thats thousands of especially younger women are afraid and embarresed. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/smear-test-cervical-screening-attend-reason-embarrassment-jos-cervical-cancer-trust-a8738416.html

There is also starting to be a stigma associated with the smear tests now including HPV testing.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/02/2019 16:54

I genuinely do not understand what the issue is. These wonderful nurses do this for a living and have seen many a fanny in their time - they dont care about yours!

WineGummyBear · 20/02/2019 16:55

Hate them. This thread has really helped me as it seems like the procedure has improved.

Smear Twix is now a thing.

Bowsbows · 20/02/2019 17:08

The thing is - no matter how awkward/uncomfortable smears might be (but my last one was 20 secs, quick in, quick out, barely a scratch - plus I have never had a VB, only CS, plus I have a tilted womb and it's not straight down there (inside - TMI but I can feel a kind of sharp u-bend when applying tampons- like a right angle turn, none of which makes smears easier)

  • no matter how awkward it cannot repeat cannot be as awkward or uncomfortable as getting cancer and all the treatments, proddings, procedures etc that would entail OR the worst case scenario of course.

Nobody loves going for a smear but it's just so essential and not even comparable to the repercussions of the alternatives. It's life-saving and we're so lucky to have access to this procedure in this country, on the NHS, and any accompanying preventative treatment if anything amiss was found, before it gets worse/is too late.

SinkGirl · 20/02/2019 17:11

Of course bows but knowing that logically doesn’t make it any easier if you are suffering from trauma and can bury your head in the sand and put it off. HCPs need to recognise the sheer number of women who have trauma related to this part of their body and do whatever they can to ease that process.

LellyMcKelly · 20/02/2019 17:13

I have to bit my lip so I don’t make some terrible joke about dinner and a movie first. Every single time.

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 20/02/2019 17:13

@bibbitybobbityyhat

How dare you suggest that I’d make up this story just because my feelings differ from yours. There are tons of reasons people hate smears, I simply listed a few of mine. Not everyone thinks in the same way so kindly fuck off.

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 20/02/2019 17:15

I always remind myself that a smear test is better than a visit to the dentist

Goatrider · 20/02/2019 17:30

I think it is fair to say a lot of women are put off from embarrassment. I had my first one 30 years ago, with a fanny that is not neat and tidy and was full-on hairy. Never crossed my mind that I would be judged for it.

Attitudes seem to have changed massively in that time.

Letsmoveondude · 20/02/2019 17:37

This thread has given me the nudge to book my smear test. Overdue one by quite some time.

Alsohuman · 20/02/2019 17:40

Weren’t the vast majority of fannies full on hairy 30 years ago? The vogue for ripping it all off is relatively recent.

underneaththeash · 20/02/2019 17:55

ethelfleda - I too would much rather have a smear than dentist...I have an annoying cervix too, so smears take forever and I have to put my legs in various positions, whilst they coax it into the correct place.

PlumPorter · 20/02/2019 18:50

A lack of “self care” can be interpreted by medics as an indicator for depression. The current normality of complete pubic hair removal means completely natural is often queried.

This is fucking hilarious.

I've read this on another thread previously. I have no idea if it's true or not but what a nonsense.

sequinafortune · 20/02/2019 18:54

My lovely smear nurse told me to make fists and put them under my bum, which helps her find what she's looking for apparently! Maybe it was to take my mind off it? Who knows! I don't mind a smear, but I know lots of women do. FlowersBrewCake for you all! Keep on going and being safe! Wine

sequinafortune · 20/02/2019 18:56

I always brush my hedge if I'm going to go. I'm case she thinks I'm depressed Hmm
I suspect those of us over a certain age, who remember the 70s, are still quite well adorned Grin

PurpleDaisies · 20/02/2019 18:59

A lack of “self care” can be interpreted by medics as an indicator for depression. The current normality of complete pubic hair removal means completely natural is often queried.
Utter nonsense. Where’s your evidence for that?

ethelfleda · 20/02/2019 19:34

Laughing at hairy bush meaning that you’ve got depression!!
I’m that bloody busy every day I do well to brush my teeth! And I certainly don’t ‘tidy up’ for a smear test!

Anywherebuthere · 20/02/2019 19:37

My smear test experience was awful nearly 5 years ago, 6 weeks after I had my baby. The nurse was very rough, poking and prodding. She told me I was overweight so she was struggling to do what needed to be done and not to be surprised if I got called back for another smear.

Because of that I ended up avoiding getting another one done when my letter cam through over a year ago.

Last month a different nurse picked up on it when I went to see her for something else, she convinced me to book an appointment in with her (she told me to think of my kids and how long I want to be around for them and to take advantage of the test being offered).

So I went to my appointment, the nurse was lovely. She made a bit of small talk and told me if I relaxed it would be over a lot quicker. The silicone brush used this time was also painless compared to my previous experience with a scraper.

It was done in less than a few minutes.

It does help to relax and it helps if you have a sensitive nurse who does the test. I do know that I wont put my next smear test off and will get it done on time.

madeyemoodysmum · 20/02/2019 19:39

Yep agree. I was literally in the room for 2/3 mins on my last one. Easy as rolling off a log.

Anywherebuthere · 20/02/2019 19:40

The nurse who did my smear test last month told me to do the same!
It seems to have worked and my results came through last week.

madeyemoodysmum · 20/02/2019 19:42

Plum. Where did you get that rubbish!!

I go from hairy to lightly trimmed depending on time of year and if I can be arsed to do it.
I’ve never had anything g more than a quick tidy even when I was young and frisky.

And If your a single lady not liking why bother then too?????

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