To share what my Smear nurse said?

[LellowYedbetter]

On Friday I went for my smear ... after two weeks of dreading it. The embarrassment, the awkwardness, what if I smell? What if the nurse thinks I look weird down there? What if .. what if ... what if ...

Well I got there and sat down. The nurse made small talk about unrelated stuff and then sighed and said “I’ve got 12 smears today, all one after another! I’m going to be smeared out by the time I leave work!”

Ok so apart from the “smeared out” comment making me laugh like a giggling school kid I IMMEDIATELY relaxed. This procedure that is a nightmare for the patient is just one of many jobs on that nurses list. There are at least 11 other women having their smear today with this one nurse. As if this nurse is going to remember the smelly fanny of patient number 3, or the hairy legs of patient number 1, or the fat belly of patient number 8 ... it made me realise that although the procedure is a massive deal for the patient, to the nurse it’s just another 20 minute appointment. It helped me. And I’m posting this hoping it might help others?

I think there is a risk of false positives, especially with younger women, which leads to unnecessary treatment.

I had a postive smear when I was 17 and had some sort of laser treatment and then I had annual smears for about 5 years, all clear. No idea if the first one was real or a false positive.

I don't think they do smears at that age any more, because of the risk of false positives. I think they start at 25, but then that wouldn't have helped people like Jade Goody, who I think developed cervical cancer in her early 20s?

I completely understand why you'd be reluctant to go for a smear, but as many have said, it is something that could save your life ultimately.

Read my posts. I quite clearly say that I do go for smears.

I have been for birth trauma counselling. Ultimately it did nothing. I did not, however, have an unusual experience, but talking about birth trauma is taboo because it scares other women.

This reminds me of the flannel and the glitter story!

Everyone and their granny tells this urban myth, it's always a friend of a friend. Three different people in a facebook group I use have claimed to know someone who did the glitter flannel/glitter spray instead of fanny deodorant thing. Although even more people have claimed to know someone who taught/treated/babysat a child called La-a

I'm lucky as my smear tests never hurt. I barely feel them, to be honest, it just takes some rummaging to find my cervix I scheduled my last one on the morning of my grandad's funeral because I had the day off anyway. When I told the nurse she said, "Very efficient planning. It's not like this is going to ruin a nice day!"

That’s actually really smart/clever bedside manner, I bet she says it to everyone! It’s a quick and subtle way of putting someone at ease by reminding them it’s a routine thing for her without actually having to make a big deal of it.

I find some of the discourse around smears really bizarre at times though, the constant ‘it’s quick and painless!’ when it simply isn’t always true, I’ve never missed one but they’re excruciatingly painful for me. While at the same time suggesting you go and treat yourself with chocolate cake like a small child for what is ostensibly just a normal routine part of healthcare. A really small deal nobody should be worried about versus something so intimidating you need to reward yourself after, which is it? 😂

It can all be a bit infantilising too, reassuring grown women who are well aware they’re not the only ones to ever have a smear that their fanny isn’t special or gonna cause the nurse to recoil in horror, the whole ‘it’s totally painless!’ thing to get women through the door who might then find it’s anything but, and the frequent reminders of ‘a smear might be awkward but it’s better than cancer’ which is obvious to even the biggest dimwit: people don’t avoid smears because they mistakenly believe cancer will be easier to deal with. They do for a range of reasons that should be taken seriously and worked around.

Flexibility is useful I think, at my last GP appt for another issue he mentioned I was due a smear and offered to do it there and then which he did, I was really grateful that in a hurried ten min slot he was willing to carry one out despite the queue outside the door so I didn’t have to come back and use another appointment.

But yeah it’s just all a bit weird. There isn’t all of this drama around men having their prostates checked (public health campaigns, comedians promoting it, having it compared to cancer treatment, insisting it’s pain free). I do think it veers into treating women like idiots or kids sometimes.

I'm 25 and my first one is now a few months overdue. Gave birth to DD1 in the summer, have PTSD for the birth, last month had a gynae appt as still having some issues with my pelvic floor. His exam wasn't painful and he said as I didn't find that painful I shouldn't find the smear painful, but the previous exam by the GP was really painful, and it's not just the pain, it's the severe anxiety surrounding it all and that I get taken back to my birth experience when I go to medical settings and have those examinations. BUT I know I need to go, and I will. I just need to track some cycles first as I haven't been so I can make sure that I book the appointment for when I'm not on my period so I should go in a few months. Hopefully DH can accompany me as I will be terrified .

Spot on saxatablesalt. You’re entitled to share your experiences. I’d much rather (when the topic comes up) be honest, that no, for me it IS agonising, and others read it and realise they’re not alone in being the unicorn who for some reason doesn’t breeze through their smear not feeling a thing, than plaster a smile on and maintain the ‘oh it’s nothing!’ facade. I’m not remotely embarrassed by them, I’ll happily have any practitioner male or female, and get them on schedule. But my god they’re painful. And I bleed after every time. It’s not the speculum that hurts it’s the scraping.

Sorry if this has been mentioned upthread but Dr Zoe was on Loose Women earlier, discussing actually GIVING the smear tests.

She said as a healthcare professional, she's far too concerned with the actual test to take any notice of the women. Can I find the cervix, have I got enough cells, etc.

If anyone is worried, they should just watch that segment on catch up. It'll put your mind at rest.

Also if anybody is worried about smell, eg if you've been at work all day, you can buy wipes from the supermarket and keep them in your handbag. Just get to the doctors 5 mins early and use their toilet, give yourself a quick wipe everywhere before your appt! I always put on clean pants just before I go too. For added peace of mind on the freshness front, haha.

The dr also said women worry about stripping off too but every time I've done it, it's been private behind a curtain and you're given a big bit of paper towel to cover yourself over with. So it's not too bad. I always think they see women of all ages and shapes and sizes so I try not to worry.

I've found the more appts I've been to, the less I really care about it now. Like OP said, it's just one foof of many that week for the nurse!

(I've had to have a few people look down there for various issues over the years!!!)

I once made a comment to the nurse about "you must hate this part of the job" during a smear test.

She said "Oh I don't mind this at all. I hate it when I have to do injections at the baby clinic - all those lovely babies and I make them cry".

I always remind myself of this before every smear!

As a midwife who spends a lot of my day looking at vaginas I agree that we honestly don’t notice and don’t care. It’s just routine to us.

I have a tilted uterus which means my cervix is very hard to reach and it is painful. But all my nurses have always been lovely. I have no embarrassment about that since having children.

In one day last year I had a smear and mammogram. And the mammogram was really painful because I am so flat chested that manipulated it all into the right place was awkward. The staff were lovely there as well.

I had a similar conversation except the nurse said "I've done so many smear tests today, I've just been up to my elbows in ....awkward pause...... paperwork".

I must I admit I'm genuinely baffled as to why anyone dreads smear tests; they don't bother me at all, but it does seem to be an issue for many women.

One in five women are victims sexual assault
One in ten women have endometriosis, and more have PCOS, vulvodynia and other conditions that cause them pelvic pain.

Is it really that difficult to understand why something that’s painless to you might be painful or traumatic for someone else?

it's natural to worry more about things like smears when younger as you've less life experience. I'm very shy generally (I couldn't get a bikini wax) but after 2 dc, there are some unpleasant, necessary things you have to get on with. It's always a huge relief when it is done!

I'm a nurse. Not a smear nurse but a nurse. I have inserted more catheters (male and female), suppositories and enemas than you could imagine. I have washed 1000's of patients. I have never once judged anyones body, pubic topiary or smells. Most good health professionals don't.

Go for your smear test, and treat yourself to a smear twix after. It might just save your life.

Top tip: wear a skirt on smear day and if you find it uncomfortable take some pain killers before hand. Even if its just placebo it helps.

Smears generally don’t bother me, but at my last one the nurse was running super late (about 40 minutes) and was really abrupt - presumably she was a bit stressed about catching up, and it was rushed and horrible. I wish they had told me upfront how long the wait would be and given me the option to re-book. I wondered afterwards how a young woman having her first one, or someone who was nervous would have made of it, and if it would have put them off their next one.

I'm really taken about about fears of 'smelling' or 'looking weird down there'. I note another poster saying that younger women are more likely to be embarrassed by smears than older women. Surely this can only be because young women are made by media/porn/society to feel pressure about the look and smell of their vulva, in a way older women weren't?

I don't like smears because they hurt but it has never occurred to me to think that the nurse may be making a judgement call on the presentation of my vulva!

@sinkgirl I did apologise for wording my post badly. Yes, of course there will be some women for whom it will be a difficult experience due to past issues.

@SinkGirl also, I did not say that I found smear tests painless. I have suffered endometriosis leading to infertility and operations.

But then you get the whole lecture about how important it is and how quick and painless it is and before you know it she’s got her rubber gloves on and you think maybe just getting it done will be quicker than getting her to shut up about it.

I really do get that. Except that, in any other scenario, that would be coercion!

Sorry that you had a bad experience. I don’t know what happened but in 20 years things have changed as most posters now show....maybe try it again?

Tbh, in that time, we've had alerts in our health authority that smears have been conducted incorrectly; processed incorrectly; and the wrong results have been given... I'm low risk. I'll take my chances with nature I think

Like I said my reasons for not going have NOTHING to do with being embarrassed; self conscious or any other perceived 'trivial' reason. I have friends who are GPs and nurses - I know full well that they don't stand there judging you on whether you've shaved your legs or how pretty your fanny is.

But until someone can assure me that I will definitely be treated with courtesy, dignity and respect - I ain't goin' back.

Also if anybody is worried about smell, eg if you've been at work all day, you can buy wipes from the supermarket and keep them in your handbag. Just get to the doctors 5 mins early and use their toilet, give yourself a quick wipe everywhere before your appt! I always put on clean pants just before I go too. For added peace of mind on the freshness front, haha.

I always do this, take some baby wipes in my bag and have a quick wipe in the bathroom before i go in unless it’s first thing in the morning. I’m not concerned with a particularly strong smell or anything, I just think it’s basic manners when another human being has to get all up and close with your areas, in the same way you wouldn’t attend the dentist without brushing your teeth right beforehand!

When people say it is painful, do you mean that the pain last longer than the actual smear itself? I've had a few that have hurt, but only in the few minutes that it is being actually carried out.

Top tip: wear a skirt on smear day and if you find it uncomfortable take some pain killers before hand. Even if its just placebo it helps.

Does it help with sexual trauma related smear phobia? Or cervical shock?

Don't be so bloody patronising. We all know that it doesn't take long, and cancer can kill. A fucking twix wouldn't have helped me feel better after being resuscitated and losing my driving license for a year.

Pinkblanket it hurts during the scraping, severely, like actual “bite down on my fist” pain (the chaperone was trying to tell me to say ‘four foot snake’ last time as I couldn’t prevent swearing under my breath!). But it hurts for a few hours after too, like a dull but intense ache. The aching is fine though, it’s the pain of the scraping that gets me. I have a very high pain threshold ( I know everyone says that haha) but it’s a pain unlike anything I’ve felt before as it’s so deep and internal and acute, and you can’t do anything about it, it’s in a place you don’t normally feel anything, it almost feels like skin being burned.

The nurse who performed my most recent smear was amazing. I wonder if it's the same woman. 😂