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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/02/2019 06:47

I''m glad you've taken on board what people are saying.

I think it would be ok for you to have your 2 children on a canvas print, IF you also get a canvas done of either all 3 children or all of you as a family as well. And give them equal prominence.

A family member has a stepchild and 2 of their own "bio" children - all 3 get equal treatment and equal photography. OK, it is different in that they all live together, but they wouldn't dream of leaving the stepchild out of a big statement picture.

NoParticularPattern · 20/02/2019 06:48

I don’t see an issue. My SIL has all sorts of photos of her kids but not one of them has all of them in. For one reason or another one seems to be missing each time. It’s not like you’re refusing to have a photo of her printed or are refusing to display it, it’s just unfortunate that she’s not in that particular one. You can’t possibly expect all children to be in every photo, biological or not!

londonrach · 20/02/2019 06:50

Yabu. Not nice way to treat your step child. Re canvus arent they abit tacky. Better a nice photo framed of all your children.

londonrach · 20/02/2019 06:51

Including step child

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 06:55

I don't see sc as MY child, she is brilliant but is my partner's child and i am a stepmum but she is not mine.. she has a mother and a stepfather and has not lived with her dad ever as they seperated before she was born. I personally see her probably 40 times a year so I will not pretend I have the same feelings as I do my own children and I will not feel bad for that

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 20/02/2019 06:56

I know I am coming late to this - if they were both yours from a previous relationship then I would say yes - but as the new baby is equally related to your child and your husband’s child then I think your step daughter need to be in the pic.

For the record I think it is totally understandable to feel more for biological/adopted children than step children. But if it’s on the wall, your step daughter will think this reflects her dads feelings as well.

Notwiththeseknees · 20/02/2019 06:57

I wonder how the OP would feel if her DH had a massive canvas of his daughter slap bang centre over the mantelpiece with the other DCs in smaller pictures?

anniehm · 20/02/2019 06:59

It's ok as long as there's a similar sized one of your stepchild as well in that room. I would suggest also getting one of all of them too - group on always have cheap deals for photo shoots

strawberrypenguin · 20/02/2019 07:02

Put it up as a photo not a canvas. A canvas is a large statement piece. A photo among others is a reminder of an occasion.

Greyhound22 · 20/02/2019 07:06

I don't think it's a problem really but your language in the subsequent posts just makes me sad.

I see so much of it on MN and I always put myself in the place of the SC. It must be heartbreaking for them and it seems like it is rarely handled well. You're making it sound like your 'bubbas' are all that matter in that house and that the SC is an inconvenience you have to put up with. Poor kid.

snitzelvoncrumb · 20/02/2019 07:06

I think it's fine, I would be careful how I displayed it though. If the picture is on its own, and like a big feature on a wall it will look a bit mean, but if it can be displayed with other pictures near it, it's fine. Having a blended family is about compromise, if mum can't have a picture of her kids in her own house she is going to resent the step child.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 07:07

@Notwiththeseknees there are actually more pics printed of my sc in our home than bio children, my partner's dad has several of her but none of my other children around his home.. does anyone care about my bio children's feeling in this scenario.. I think not

OP posts:
Ithinkmycatisevil · 20/02/2019 07:08

Just put it up, I very much doubt your step dd will even notice let alone care. analyse things like that in great depth the way that adults do.

I think a lot of the previous posters are stating how they would feel if their child was the step child, rather than how the child themselves would actually feel.

So long as their are other photos of the step child around the place I don't see a problem.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 07:11

@Ithinkmycatisevil thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 07:13

@Greyhound22 she really isn't a POOR KID... So presumptuous but very very wrong.. nice try though

OP posts:
HeyThoughIWalk · 20/02/2019 07:16

Can you get a few canvases made? One of the photoshoot, and then a couple with DSD and a combination of the other kids? So everyone is appearing on a canvas in some combination?

That's the only way I can see this not being an issue, to be honest.

Dohee · 20/02/2019 07:16

You'll be surprised what step children notice. They notice when they are not one of the family, and much like that lady in the news, can feel 'stateless'. You've no Mum and Dad at home, you've no Mum and Dad at other house. Everything is disjointed. Depending on how old you are, this may be a bigger deal.
However, you are entitled to only want your blood children in your photo.
The thing I would be asking myself though is, where do you see the step-child in the future in terms of your family? Are you in this for the long haul? Can you accept him as one of your own?

PeanuttyButter · 20/02/2019 07:18

Are there pics of OPs children at step child's house? Unless step child is at each house 50:50 I think they would be able to differentiate that OP house is predominantly where the siblings live and therefore why big pic on the wall. I'm presuming there would be a big pic on her other houses wall

Dohee · 20/02/2019 07:19

@HeyThoughIWalk I agree
Get a few different photos taken of all of you together, all the children, one on ones with parents and children and individual children etc. Be careful where you place the 'family' one that you want though as that's saying quite bluntly to the stepchild 'you're not part of this family'.

Dohee · 20/02/2019 07:21

A picture paints a thousand words.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 20/02/2019 07:22

I don’t think it’s ok, sorry, it’s hurtful.

But then I don’t think big yucky canvas prints on the wall are ok either, so it wouldn’t be a problem to me 😂

Dohee · 20/02/2019 07:26

I have a step dd and she comes in and notices stuff (I can see her noticing stuff) and then goes and has fun. But she examines the house for any trace or sniff of dissent first lol. It would be as simple as drawings my dc have done being up on the mantlepiece, so I always make sure her latest drawing is up there in pride of place too.

For all the much you want to just have your blood children in the photos, you need to accept that you have a blended family now and that dc is yours now too.

Nomdejeur · 20/02/2019 07:27

You keep saying your DH would be fine with it but the person that counts is the sc. How do you think the SC would feel, and depending on the answer is whether to put it up or not.

WhiteCat1704 · 20/02/2019 07:27

Hey OP,

Didn't read it all but I think you should put the canvas up. It's your home and your children and as you said there are plenty of photos of the SC there already. Maybe get an extra photo of SC with the baby..

I have a big canvas of my young DC and loads of photos of diiferent configurations..some with SD, some of just SD, some without SD..as long as your SC is on some of the photos around the house it shouldn't be a big deal.

CosmicCanary · 20/02/2019 07:27

Maybe your SC won't even notice a big canvas on the wall with daddy and his new bubbas...or maybe she will and be quietly hurt by it.
I have 2 DSS's and this is not a risk I would take tbh.

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