To want a picture of my bio children

[Fairydustsprinkled]

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

I'm surprised you went ahead with the photoshoot without the sc , I'm sure you could have made a special arrangement with the child's mother in the circumstances or picked a different day.

I think you will just have to put those photos in an album but it would be so hurtful for the sc to see this mounted on a massive canvas, even in your bedroom, it's not like any room is completely out of bounds. I'd be upset about this as an adult if this was my dad with his 'new' family, but as a child I'd never forget it and would always feel second best.

In the nicest possible way, you chose to have kids with a man with dc already so you need to grow up and start treating them the same. Of course you love your bio children more but you don't have to make that so obvious. It doesn't reflect well on your husband that he agreed to the shoot without his other child, he must be a very insensitive person.

Stepchildren are part of the family. You wouldn't take just one of two of your own children if one was unable to make it. Best thing would be to wait and include everyone. Don't start a wedge that could destroy your family and children's future happiness.

Oceanbliss thank you good idea except why just dsc and her dad?

To create balance. There is the one of your bio children (with or without their bio parents?) and she is not in, so to balance that there is one where it is her and her bio Dad. In the middle is one of the whole family. In none of the three canvasses is anyone alone. It really is about avoiding a picture of her by herself and her bond with her bio Dad is as important to her as your bond with your bio children. Just as your feelings for your bio children are different from your feelings for your dsc, her feelings for her bio parents are different from her feelings for her dsm. So the three canvasses of equal size with these three elements of your blended family is to create harmony.

So you have a newborn and then get a photo shoot of your older biological child and your new baby together and leave out your dh oldest.
Shitty behaviour tbh I would have waited until I could find a photographer that could come. Or took the photo myself and had a non professional one of the three made into a canvas.
Couldn’t do that to a child.

You have pictures of your "bubbas".

You want to make a large canvas out of one of them. Leaving your stepdaughter out of it.

Imagine if one of your children was in that position in the future. If you divorce, and their father remarries and has children with another woman, and the stepmother makes a canvas out of a picture of HER children and leaves your children out.

It's not about you, it's about who is included in your family. If you leave your stepdaughter out, you are effectively saying that she is a second-class child.

Oh dear OP this would be pretty hurtful. Nothing wrong with how you feel but keep it private or between you and MN - don't put it on the wall for all to see. Keep the pics on your phone or have them printed in small photo form for display.

I've been in that situation, being the EOW child visiting their DF and family. He and my DSM had pictures of my half siblings on their walls, because of course they did!

This is as unfathomable to me as the "what will your dc feel if their father isn't on the birth cert" line that comes up frequently on MN. These have been such non issues in my life, and I'm not an emotionless person. Really, if you were to list issues that might affect a stepchild, missing out on being in one photo with the half siblings would not rank highly.

(And I think putting it up in the couple's bedroom could make a more negative statement than putting it in a family room with the other pictures.)

YABU for using the word bubbas.

How about having a second photo shoot to which DSC is also included. Then you can have photos of your biological children, a photo of all of your children, a photo of DSC and a photo of all of you, parents and children.

I feel as long as there isn't an unbalanced mix of various photos that's fine but to have one large, special shot of only your DC is a very sad message for a DSC who is trying to make the best of having a blended family whilst having siblings who have both of their parents at home. Poor bairn.

Does your husband prominently display pictures of his children from his previous relationship excluding you and your mutual children? If yes, YANBU, if no then you are.

Another pointless thread!

Aibu?

Yes. Here's why.

I don't think I am.

With all due respect - why post?

Have you got one older and one baby? Is that right? So new pic is older child and teeny baby?

What about another photo (hopefully taken by someone for free, rather than rebooking photographer) of stepdaughter with baby - kind of each older child with their baby sister/brother?
Would that work?

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. You're a mother and you want a special portrait of YOUR children.
Of course you feel differently about your step child, many more people than actually like to admit it never feel as much for a step child as their own flesh and blood.
You're proud of what you've created, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You're not being serious? Of course you can't do that. Why did you even go ahead and get the photos taken without your step-daughter? How thoughtless. Your family includes all your children. Very damaging for your stepdaughter.

Nothing wrong with feeling like it. Everything wrong with letting any of the children realise that you feel like it though.

It's hard enough if one of your parents leaves and marries someone else, replacing your mum. The last thing you want to feel is that their new children are there to replace you.

I'm glad I read the full thread and have seen OP take on board why people are saying it WBU, not something you see much of on Mumsnet!

I was going to suggest one of your dsd and her dad separately as Oceanbliss suggested. Then a complete family one would balance everything out. Expensive. But unfortunately you chose to be with someone, who already has children. With this comes consequences and responsibilities. You don’t have to do these now. You could wait a couple of years if money is tight. But you need to not put the original canvas up til then.

@BrendasUmbrella it's nice to have an opinion where someones not like.. shock shock horror, you will ruin her life you are all doomed because you want one picture of your kids (eye roll)

Thank you

You lost me at bubbas

For what its worth I don’t think YABU, but I probably would just put it in the bedroom / anywhere other than living room. If you’ve got a particular place in mind though just get it and put it up and if DSD says anything then maybe move it

Or please the PP’s and get your step daughters face turned into wallpaper for the living room so she doesn’t feel left out

@Onetwopyjamacrews haha thank you

Alot of you have very high horses, please don't fall it would be a crying shame

I will be getting it printed and i WILL put It on the mantlepiece in the middle of the pic of my eldest and the pic of sc.. not in a book out of sight locked away never to be seen

Canvas prints arena bit naff. Along with names of your kids tattoos. Print the photos you want and keep them in a lovely album - open them and look at them when you want to - no one gets offended.

I think it's fine if and only if you also get a canvas of DSD on her own and put it up. Otherwise it looks very bitchy

I was the stepchild...dads new fam had lovely photoshoot family photos up. Fancy holidays i didnt go on with them too. Wasnt worst thing in the world but sure left me feeling a bit outside of the family at times