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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 10:15

Wow. Your poor step-child. You should have included them in the photo shoot in the first place.

Crazycrazylady · 20/02/2019 10:19

If I walked into a house and saw that photo on the wall, I'd think you were a complete b*tch. You should have not gone on the photo shoot until all children were available. If you're ok with people thinking that . Rock on

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:21

I am such a bitch Hmm

OP posts:
JE17 · 20/02/2019 10:22

A stepchild here. My DSM has many, many photos up around the house. There's 3 small ones featuring me, and the rest are all of her own DC, including the huge ones in pride of place in the living room. It's one of the most obvious ways of showing everyone my lowly place in her family (DF is at fault too obviously for not having the backbone/ caring enough to do anything about it). I think that as long as you have a good mix of photos with shared prominence then there's no problem at all in having different combinations of who is on them.

TheFaerieQueene · 20/02/2019 10:23

Yes YABU and even more so for saying bubba. 🤮

BertrandRussell · 20/02/2019 10:25

“My partner doesn't mind and I would be honest about it he isn't the sugarcoating kind”
Hmm

OBface · 20/02/2019 10:26

Please don't do this.

As the majority have already said it has the potential to really hurt your step daughter - her right not to feel an outsider in her father's home trumps yours to have a canvas of 'your' DC up in a prominent place (my heart breaks that you don't include her in your idea of family).

Take the advice of almost everyone posting and don't be selfish.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:26

@JE17 noted and fully taken on board, awful that you felt like that and we're unable to say anything or felt that your dad wouldn't do anything

If I had just gone ahead and done this and sc was clearly hurt I would immediately have rectified it

OP posts:
Janecon · 20/02/2019 10:27

@Fairydustsprinkled no-one is saying you need to hide away pictures of your children!!

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:27

@OBface thank you

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 10:27

I am such a bitch you said it.

Sorry OP. You don't come across well at all. If you sign up to a blended family that means treating them all equally. Excluding your step child from the photo shoot was wrong - whatever your excuse may be.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 20/02/2019 10:30

So, the SC should be included because the new family are half siblings, yes? This is the consensus of opinion.

So when SC is at home with mum, and Mum does a photoshoot, are the new siblings from the second family invited over in the interests of fmaily completeness ? of course they arent.

Subsequent families always seem to have to make compromises for first families

Not a popular opinion but, SC is not the OPs child, the OP only has to consider her own family unit. IF this second relationship ended, the OP would be stuck with an unassociated child in her family photos. Harsh, but true.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:32

@CostanzaG I don't come across well (in your opinion) anything I had said would not have come across well to people like you and that's ok

OP posts:
Isitweekendyet · 20/02/2019 10:32

Have ‘your babies’ printed on a canvas on one wall and have another picture of step child printed on a second canvas and a third of all three together. It’s not exactly rocket science.

Asda and places print canvases for 10/20 - it sounds like you’re purposefully exclusing your step daughter and won’t take any ownership of that fact as she’s not ‘your baby’.

She’s as much part of the family as your other children, get her her own canvas. Jesus Christ!

MatildaTheGreat · 20/02/2019 10:36

I agree with @PlainSpeakingStraightTalking is a family not allowed to do anything when the sc isn’t present?

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 10:36

people like me please, please elaborate?

I've seen first hand the damage that can be done when step children are treated differently to their half siblings. It's not nice or fair.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:37

@MatildaTheGreat it seems not and I am a bitch Shock I can live with that though

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:40

Users like you who just want to argue and belittle people, if you have bothered to read the thread I have taken positive and negative comments on board so I can't really do anything right can i

Pleased you are so perfect though, enjoy your high horse, seems lovely up there

OP posts:
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 20/02/2019 10:40

So when SC is at home with mum, and Mum does a photoshoot, are the new siblings from the second family invited over in the interests of fmaily completeness ? of course they arent

Not the same at all. The mum has no connection to OPs children other than her ex is their father. If she remarried, had more children and her new partner wanted a picture with just his and the mother's children, it would be just as unreasonable.

VampirinaHauntley · 20/02/2019 10:41

Also agree with @PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

There’s nothing wrong with having a canvas of just your bio children. I’m sure there are pics of SC dotted around the house.

Youseethethingis · 20/02/2019 10:41

Another day, another photo shoot, another canvas. Maybe a whole family shoot with Mum and Dad too? There’s the answer.
It’s a minefield, this step mumming lark. Mustn’t overstep, your not her mother, none of your business blah blah blah on the one hand...
Mustn’t have a canvas of your bio children, step child is your child too, that’s evil blah blah blah on the other.
My sympathies to everyone out there trying to navigate it and sometimes inadvertently screwing up Flowers

Blackbear10 · 20/02/2019 10:43

This thread has brought out some really nasty attitudes!

I can only imagine some posters children suddenly becoming step children and them going apeshit had this happened to them, but it’s fine to be all cool and ‘your bubbas come first babes’ while it’s not your child that is the step child.

As for OP, you’re not a very nice person shown by your complete ignorance of behaviour that might really upset your SD and the way you have behaved on this thread.

I think it’s really awful that you either didn’t wait till all children could be involved in the photo shoot or you discreetly keep the photo of your ‘bubbas’ Hmm to yourself.

It really doesn’t matter how many other photos there are about the place and deep down I’m sure you can understand the difference.

You shouldn’t have ever got involved with a man who already had children, you sound to emotionally immature to deal with it.

As you have given abuse and sarky comments to anyone that had the audacity to disagree with your shitty behaviour I await your really clever comments. 🙄

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 10:45

Users like you who just want to argue and belittle people, if you have bothered to read the thread I have taken positive and negative comments on board so I can't really do anything right can i

Pleased you are so perfect though, enjoy your high horse, seems lovely up there

Wow touched a nerve have we? I'm not perfect, never claimed to be. .....but based on the information you have provided I formed an opinion. I think It was unfair exclude your step child - you probably know this but clearly don't care.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 10:48

@Blackbear10 thank you for your opinions.. sorry personal attacks 😂

OP posts:
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