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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 20/02/2019 08:09

My ex remarried and has two children with new wife. They took all four children to photo shoot and there is a picture of all of them in pride of place in their living room. I think that’s the way to do it personally.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2019 08:12

I think as long as you have pictures of your step child up too, maybe have a big canvas of your blended family on the wall as well for the future.

pictish · 20/02/2019 08:14

Greyhound sorry but you’re wrong. OP’s dh split with sd’s mum before she was born.He has never lived in sd’s family home, sd has only ever known her father to live separately from her. Daddy did not move out of the family home.

Think your should curb your vitriol at OP.

pictish · 20/02/2019 08:17

“she has a mother and a stepfather and has not lived with her dad ever as they seperated before she was born“

Greyhound - you see?

Notasunnybunny · 20/02/2019 08:17

I think there is a big difference of having some photos of just your children and having a canvas print excluding one child. Basically that says this is their home, the step child is an outsider. I know you only want to hear posters who agree it’s fine but there are lots of people who don’t agree meaning many would feel the same. Is
YOUR wanting a decorative statement really worth causing hurt to your dh’s Other child? Don’t risk the potential pain and deep rooted damage to their relationship, it’s not worth it.

stuffedpeppers · 20/02/2019 08:18

Shitty thing - have your photo of your DCs in your room but in a communcal place - no way

My 2DCs had not one photo of them up on their fathers walls in the new family. Her DCs were everywhere - they rented he paid the rent.

You know the answer otherwise you would not be asking here. You could have done the photo shoot to have all of them two of them in varying combos with DSC your two together - but then you knew this and planned it because you wanted it this way.

My DCS knew what it meant and are still upset by it.

Loseitandkeepitlost · 20/02/2019 08:22

If all three children were biologically yours, but only 2 of them had your partner as their Father, how would you feel if he made the suggestion about having a canvas of just the 2 that were his?

Photos up of all the children in different combos is fine, but the canvas idea is unkind.

brookshelley · 20/02/2019 08:23

Why not get a multi photo frame including a combination of shots

  • you and bio children
  • you DH and all children
  • you and DH only
  • children only

So then you get to show that photo but it's equal alongside other groupings.

Cla9 · 20/02/2019 08:24

It’s fine to have a mix of pictures similar sizes.
I have 4 siblings and we never had a photo of us all together.

Absolutelylocaltoyou · 20/02/2019 08:29

The OP has taken on board the comments on here, give her a break.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 20/02/2019 08:34

Get a canvas done of the step child as well and put it next to or nearby the one with just your kids on. Otherwise it will very much look as if the other child is left out, even with other (smaller) pictures in the same room. A bit galling for the step child to grow up with a bloody great canvas of Dad's newer (and seemingly more important) family on the wall every time they come over. YABU to consider making a big show of just your 2 children when your partner has 3.

Fiveredbricks · 20/02/2019 08:36

Shitty thing to do. Also big canvas portrait prints are pretty grim as it is so yabu for even getting one Envy (not envy).

Fishwifecalling · 20/02/2019 08:37

Photos yes. Bloody great big canvas - no way.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 20/02/2019 08:38

I will be getting it printed and i WILL put It on the mantlepiece

Over 200 posts of you arguing with people who think it’s a terrible thing to do to your SD and you are doing it anyway.
Curious, as you don’t bother listening to anyone, why bother posting in AIBU?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 20/02/2019 08:40

I think the main issue here is that it’s a proper photo shoot. If it was just a photo the same as the others and you had some of all of them I don’t think there would be an issue. I think a step child walking in and seeing that picture would feel left out. You say ‘why should I have a picture of my children’ well because it potentially could harm the feelings and relationships of members of your family.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/02/2019 08:42

I agree Peter I think op had no intention of listening to anyone who didn't agree with her. These are the kind of things you should consider before taking on the step parent role. It will be more difficult to book holidays, photoshoots etc you just have to deal with the added complications not leave out the step child because its inconvenient.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/02/2019 08:45

Why ask if you’re going to do it anyway? Hmm
It is a shitty thing to do whether you admit it or not. And as for bubbas? Behave.

diddl · 20/02/2019 08:45

I think if it's a family pic excluding the step daughter it would be awful.

A pic of just Op's kids maybe not so much.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/02/2019 08:47

New poster, goady thread started late at night, half term. Hmm.

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2019 08:51

She's not putting a canvas on the wall!

A photo of the two of them on the mantelpiece is ok as she has pictures of all of them out already inc DSD.

And when DSD next comes over she can take a photo of the three of them, DSD with new baby, DSD with other child... etc etc.

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2019 08:53

Apologies, Page 2!

I will be getting it printed and i WILL put It on the mantelpiece in the middle of the pic of my eldest and the pic of sc.. not in a book out of sight locked away never to be seen

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 08:55

@Dippypippy1980 they are his grandchildren what are you on about, his son is the dad to both my children and the sc

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 09:00

@swingofthings it's a picture of my 2 bio children only

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 09:01

@pictish thank you I do take on board your comments

OP posts:
Enko · 20/02/2019 09:02

op I am coming in late to this thread however I wanted to pass something on a photographer said to me many years ago.

We had booked a session as at the time my niece lived with me (she lives in Scandinavia but spend 18 months with us) and it was the 1 time we were able to get a photo of all the grandchildren. At the same time we got some photos done of all of the family.. dh and I with our children and some with dh and I with our children and niece. At the time I had felt like you did that we wanted photos of " our" side of the family.

At time of booking the photo we ended up with a 3 montage. 1 is all 5 children 1 is us with our 4 and 1 is all 7 of us.. The photographer said at the time
"a Photo is a snapshot of how your family is right now"

At that moment in time it included my niece.. The photos still make me smile 10 years on.. I am pleased we included her in them she fitted as she was part at that time.

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