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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother hit me with a shoe

106 replies

Pepip · 19/02/2019 20:58

This goes back to when we were younger, we were always very close and rarely argued. That was until we were around 13 and 14 (he's a year older), he became very aggressive, would shout at me when we had silly arguments and usually hit me too. I was much shorter and a lot weaker and he would use that against me and often threaten me into doing what he wanted because he knew I was scared. During that time I avoided him as much as possible but he would always find something to be angry with me about. Our parents never really did much about it and would let him get away with it. Eventually he grew up, our relationship never really got better though, he just stopped being so aggressive towards me but we don't really talk nowadays. He's been working away for the past couple years but has come back recently and is staying with our parents whilst he finds a place close by. I popped in earlier with DD, was just talking to my mum when he came through the front door, clearly in a mood and decided to have a go at me for where I had put my shoes, by the door, they weren't in the way of the door though so I don't understand what the problem was. Walked into the livingroom with one of my shoes and threw it at me, hit me right in the head, i started crying immidiatley and I don't cry often but this really hurt. Our mum barely reacted, told him quietly to calm down and then asked if either of us wanted a drink. I left after that but I've never understood why she's always ignored the way he treats me, always put it down to just being siblings. I thought he had changed but clearly not. It brought me back to when we were kids and how scared I was of him, I still flinch when I walk past him sometimes

OP posts:
MrsWillGardner · 22/02/2019 07:30

Have you posted about this before, under a different username? I’m getting a serious case of de ja vu here...

TheSerenDipitY · 22/02/2019 08:00

good on you OP, you have taken the first and hardest step to standing up for yourself,
it might get a bit stressful with your parents for a bit,
but stay strong and stand firm, he has bullied and assaulted you for your whole life and no one has stopped and thought that it might be an idea to tell him to pull his head in, they have stood by and allowed him to do this to you!
stand tall!
stay strong and in weak moments keep in mind that you are teaching your daughter that its not ok and to speak out and to be strong!!!

Elllicam · 22/02/2019 08:05

Good for you for reporting it OP.

SoleBizzz · 22/02/2019 10:04

See a therapist. You do not deserve any if your family's bullshit. You will blame yourself for everything. You are WRONG!! You need to un scramble your life history. Don't live for your toxic family. Time to stop and be you. You are enough.

beansontoastfortea · 23/02/2019 01:37

Good for you op you've done the right thing!! No one should treat you like that!!!

Ce7913 · 23/02/2019 03:52

Well done for reporting the cretin.

OP, I'm sorry, but you need to face and accept that your parents aren't safe people.

They enable your abusive brother.

They were okay with you being abused and living in fear and turmoil as a child, and they are okay with it now.

They are okay with you daughter witnessing it (how terrifying and destabilising for her), and they will make excuses for your brother when he threatens or abuses her, too.

If you continue to expose your daughter to them and to your brother, she will learn, just like you did, that her fear and discomfort and pain and emotional and physical boundaries mean nothing...

That she mustn't stand up for herself when someone who is supposed to love her repeatedly hurts her and scares her.

That she shouldn't expect better or feel wronged when someone who is supposed to love and protect her continually exposes her to known abusers.

Your daughter will learn that she's not worth protecting, just like your parents taught you.

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