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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother hit me with a shoe

106 replies

Pepip · 19/02/2019 20:58

This goes back to when we were younger, we were always very close and rarely argued. That was until we were around 13 and 14 (he's a year older), he became very aggressive, would shout at me when we had silly arguments and usually hit me too. I was much shorter and a lot weaker and he would use that against me and often threaten me into doing what he wanted because he knew I was scared. During that time I avoided him as much as possible but he would always find something to be angry with me about. Our parents never really did much about it and would let him get away with it. Eventually he grew up, our relationship never really got better though, he just stopped being so aggressive towards me but we don't really talk nowadays. He's been working away for the past couple years but has come back recently and is staying with our parents whilst he finds a place close by. I popped in earlier with DD, was just talking to my mum when he came through the front door, clearly in a mood and decided to have a go at me for where I had put my shoes, by the door, they weren't in the way of the door though so I don't understand what the problem was. Walked into the livingroom with one of my shoes and threw it at me, hit me right in the head, i started crying immidiatley and I don't cry often but this really hurt. Our mum barely reacted, told him quietly to calm down and then asked if either of us wanted a drink. I left after that but I've never understood why she's always ignored the way he treats me, always put it down to just being siblings. I thought he had changed but clearly not. It brought me back to when we were kids and how scared I was of him, I still flinch when I walk past him sometimes

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 20/02/2019 13:14

Well done, you've done exactly the right thing. Be prepared for the backlash though, maybe turn your phone off for a few days and be ready for some nasty messages/emotional blackmail etc. I'd also expect your mum to tell the police that nothing happened and you've made it all up.
My older sister is like your brother and I wish I'd had your courage. My family is broken anyway and I should have seen that years ago, instead of feeling responsible for keeping it together.

ThomasRichard · 20/02/2019 13:15

Well done, that must have taken some bravery Flowers Whatever happens next, you are not in the wrong here. He brought it on himself through his vile actions and I hope your parents support you.

Tavannach · 20/02/2019 13:20

Well done. I hope that gives him the wake up call he needs, and the situation improves.

Charley50 · 20/02/2019 13:44

Completely unacceptable. I wouldn't be going there while he was there at all.

FaithFrank · 20/02/2019 13:58

Well done OP Flowers

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 20/02/2019 14:34

OP - did you go to the GP or A&E or Urgent Care and get the bump/cut bang documented ? or get a friend to take photos

Just a thought

FizzyGreenWater · 20/02/2019 14:38

When your shitty family have a go at you and try and put pressure on you, calmly say 'It's not the first time he's shown completely unprovoked violence, but it's the first and last time in front of my child. He won't be seeing her again and part of the reason I've reported is to make sure that I don't end up with an injured child and an SS referral in the future because I've allowed a violent thug around her. If you think how he acts is ok, I'm quite happy to report that you too aren't able to safeguard my child abd to keep her away from you too.'

MamaDane · 20/02/2019 14:59

I agree with Fizzy^
Don't let your daughter be raised seeing this abusive behaviour as something normal.

GunpowderGelatine · 20/02/2019 16:06

Well done OP! Hope it goes ok

Cheby · 20/02/2019 16:16

Well done OP. I hope he sees it as a wake up call and moderates his behaviour, and I hope your family supports you.

ohfourfoxache · 20/02/2019 16:21

Well done Thanks

LizzieSiddal · 20/02/2019 22:50

Good for youFlowers. I really hope your mum supports you.x

GabsAlot · 20/02/2019 23:04

just seen your update good for you op

Grannypants123 · 20/02/2019 23:37

What a prick! My brother used to knock lumps out of me when we were kids but we fought like cat and dog and I would fight back, albeit he would always win the fight. The fighting stopped when I was around 12, he would have been 11.

He wouldn’t even dare lift a finger to me now as he’s an adult now and knows it’s wrong!

I’m with other posters who say you should report him to the police, he assaulted you! If he finds it that easy to hit his sister he would do the same to a future partner or child, trust me.

Hope you’re ok x

Grannypants123 · 20/02/2019 23:41

Sorry, just seen you reported him. Good for you!

NitrousOxide · 21/02/2019 00:15

Well done OP! That would have taken some bravery Flowers

CanuckBC · 21/02/2019 00:15

Good on you! I know it must have been difficult to do but it was the right thing to do.

OffToBedhampton · 21/02/2019 17:36

Well that was a brave step OP. The police will arrest and interview him - or at least in our area they do as have zero tolerance for domestic abuse. Unless he admits it or your Mum confirms she witnessed the assault, it'll likely be left in file as NFA this time. It'll be an agrravated one though as you had child in your arms (if I recall correctly)

But he won't do it again. (Unless he wants to be prosecuted next time). And it might be the wake up.call he needs. But as said before who throws a shoe at someone's head???! 😮😮 You could have been seriously injured or your baby. He's got an abusive nature to do that.

OffToBedhampton · 21/02/2019 17:39

Ps. OP if your parents moan about you contacting police, just ask them "so if this was his wife he was beating up and assaulting, when she had baby in her arms, would you tell her to just keep quiet about it too? That's disgusting. Is it ok if he assaults your grandchild too?" He is a grown man and you are frightened of his violent temper.

GabriellaMontez · 21/02/2019 17:48

I suspect your mum is scared. Maybe your courage will be an example to her. Your daughter is the lucky one here.

BWcastle2000 · 21/02/2019 18:08

I’m glad you reported him OP. No one deserves to be assaulted.

AJPTaylor · 21/02/2019 18:12

Honestly I would tell my parents I am not going to their house whilst he is there.

Magenta82 · 21/02/2019 18:51

Well done that is really brave OP, you did the right thing.

Sonicknuckles · 22/02/2019 07:18

Keep us updated OP. Hope you are ok

cstaff · 22/02/2019 07:24

Hope you are ok and well done. That took some courage.