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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother hit me with a shoe

106 replies

Pepip · 19/02/2019 20:58

This goes back to when we were younger, we were always very close and rarely argued. That was until we were around 13 and 14 (he's a year older), he became very aggressive, would shout at me when we had silly arguments and usually hit me too. I was much shorter and a lot weaker and he would use that against me and often threaten me into doing what he wanted because he knew I was scared. During that time I avoided him as much as possible but he would always find something to be angry with me about. Our parents never really did much about it and would let him get away with it. Eventually he grew up, our relationship never really got better though, he just stopped being so aggressive towards me but we don't really talk nowadays. He's been working away for the past couple years but has come back recently and is staying with our parents whilst he finds a place close by. I popped in earlier with DD, was just talking to my mum when he came through the front door, clearly in a mood and decided to have a go at me for where I had put my shoes, by the door, they weren't in the way of the door though so I don't understand what the problem was. Walked into the livingroom with one of my shoes and threw it at me, hit me right in the head, i started crying immidiatley and I don't cry often but this really hurt. Our mum barely reacted, told him quietly to calm down and then asked if either of us wanted a drink. I left after that but I've never understood why she's always ignored the way he treats me, always put it down to just being siblings. I thought he had changed but clearly not. It brought me back to when we were kids and how scared I was of him, I still flinch when I walk past him sometimes

OP posts:
NutElla5x · 20/02/2019 05:13

Wow he's a grownarse man now and he's still bullying you? Sibling physical fights when kids is quite normal,but as adults it most certainly is not! That's awful behaviour,and in front of your daughter too! I'm guessing/ hoping your thug brother doesn't have a girlfriend because he has got serious anger problems.I'd keep well away from him in the future if I were you,but if you do cross paths and he does physically hurts you again do not hesitate to call the police,because that is assault pure and simple. As for your mum,do you think she's scared of him?

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/02/2019 05:17

There is childhood shenanigans and then there is assault - what you just described is the latter.....

Pepip · 20/02/2019 08:51

There's a chance my mum is scared of him but she's always let him get away with everything wrong he's ever done, which is probably why he's ended up like this. He's had depression in the past so that's what she always put his behaviour down to. DD was distracted by toys so I don't think she saw, she's only 18 months old so she doesn't really understand the situation.

OP posts:
LadyBunker · 20/02/2019 08:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

BettyUnderswoob · 20/02/2019 09:01

I’m not sure depression turns people into violent bullies; that certainly isn’t my experience anyway.

OP, you have to do something. If I were you I’d probably pretty much sever contact with my mum, too, as she clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.
Report your brother to the police for assault. You deserve better than to be treated like this.

ThomasRichard · 20/02/2019 09:02

Report him to the police. He’s a grown adult and I hope they throw the book at him. With any luck it will stop him from hurting anyone else.

GabsAlot · 20/02/2019 10:30

depressed people dont go round throwing shoes at people-a judge wouldnt let smeone off for killng someone coz they were depressed

Pepip · 20/02/2019 11:33

I've reported him, not sure how my family are going to take this but I'm glad I've finally found the courage to do something about the way he treats me

OP posts:
woolduvet · 20/02/2019 11:34

I think your family should be ashamed of themselves, how have they put his needs and wants first.
Your mum should have could down on him hoard telling him that was the last time or he was out.

Well done.

AntsDeck · 20/02/2019 11:34

Thanks for being so brave OP. Well done you x

grinningcheshirecat · 20/02/2019 11:37

I've reported him, not sure how my family are going to take this but I'm glad I've finally found the courage to do something about the way he treats me

They could have stopped him years ago, of they don't like that he has become a violent adult who is responsible for his actions then that's their problem.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/02/2019 11:38

I would keep your child away from him. I am not surprised that you blame your parents for not protecting you when you were younger. It seemed they opted for a quiet life (for them) and neglected their duties as a parent. While siblings often argue its totally unacceptable for a child to have to be abused in their own home.

I had similar with my brother - my parents always largely ignored it and acted like it was typical sibling arguments or couched it as us both behaving badly by not getting along (I probably wasn't perfect in dealing with the violence and aggression but then I was a child and shouldn't have had to deal with it). I've never really recovered my relationship with any of them as a result of it.

AdoraBell · 20/02/2019 11:42

Well done. If your parents roll out the old “you don’t do that to family” respond with “you don’t assault/bully/abuse family”

Lifeisabeach09 · 20/02/2019 11:42

I'd have him charged with assault.

Butchyrestingface · 20/02/2019 11:44

Good on you. Just be prepared for your mother to lie her face off to protect him.

dragonsfire · 20/02/2019 11:49

Jesus that’s extreme he definitely needs this addressing or I would feel very sorry for any partner he has in the future 😬

Pk37 · 20/02/2019 11:49

Of have got up and slammed my fist into his face . Who the hell does he think he is ?!
He’s 21 now not a child . What a prick

Pk37 · 20/02/2019 11:49

*I’d have

MamaDane · 20/02/2019 11:56

My brother was the same toward me when we were kids, although he is 4 years older, and my mum seemed rather apathetic to him hitting me "Stop teasing/provoking him!". Yeah I always felt like she loves him more.

Anyway, my brother stopped when we became adults but he still likes to insult me somewhat jokingly.

What your brother did, throwing that shoe, is not okay, at all. I'm sorry that no one seems to give a shit that he is literally being violent at you. ☹️ You have to stand up for yourself and make it clear how it is not ok for him to do it. Clearly he's been taught that it's OK.

TheClaifeCrier · 20/02/2019 11:59

Well done OP. You've been really brave Flowers

MamaDane · 20/02/2019 12:03

Just saw your update OP, good job! Hopefully it's the reality check he needs to stop this abusive behaviour.

needsleepzzz · 20/02/2019 12:03

Glad you've reported him, he's an arsehole. Good thing the shoe didn't hit your daughter. Stay strong OP, press charges

Arowana · 20/02/2019 12:06

Well done OP Flowers

KitKatCHA · 20/02/2019 12:10

Well done! He's sounds like a dick and tbh your Mum doesn't sound much better.

CrazyOldBagLady · 20/02/2019 12:13

Good for you OP. Disgraceful behaviour by your brother, he old enough to know there are consequences to his actions and you will not tolerate being his punching bag. Best of luck with any fallout, remember you are the in the right here nomatter what anyone at your Mum's house says.