To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

I don’t think cohabit -> marriage -> kids as the OP’s doing is that unusual now, or really that ‘traditional’ either. Marriage -> cohabit -> kids is more unusual and the only younger people I know who’ve done that are evangelical Christians, who tend to get married young anyway.

I guess 'traditional' is subjective depending on how far back you want to go (but I do understand the post).

Personally, although I am married, I don't think it's a precursor to a stable relationship. There's nothing to stop you getting married very quickly after meeting someone. This doesn't make your relationship more stable than a unmarried couple of a good number of years.

What I do agree with is that children should only be considered in a stable relationship with consideration given to living arrangements (renting or buying) and the economic viability of caring for a child. I'm not suggesting things can't go wrong but stability is essential when considering bringing a child into the world.

People who make public pronouncements about 'traditional family values' are always the ones who become embroiled in the filthiest of scandals.

Congratulations on the wedding, OP! Is your trousseau all ready? Got the dowry sorted?

I had a mortgage and husband by 21 and children by 23. It seems great in principle as I figured struggle now and reap the benefits later. I wished I’d live a little bit more then though as now at 40 it’s become apparent that I’m going to be spending at least the next decade caring for my parents and in laws as well as my older children.

My life has in not been affected negatively or positively by getting a few contractual bits of paper in the perceived correct order before procreating.

Will you immediately give up your job in April? Because that was once traditional.

@thefirst48 no inheritance money from her passing

People who make public pronouncements about 'traditional family values' are always the ones who become embroiled in the filthiest of scandals.

THIS!

I morally don't give a monkey's who anyone reproduces with, on an individual basis. I do think that far too many people have children in uncommitted relationships that show no signs whatever of lasting the distance and that this is damaging for society.

I also think that in many cases women who have children with several different fathers are making life extremely difficult for all concerned - and particularly of course for the children concerned - when the levels of interest and financial commitment shown by the different fathers can vary so wildly. We are increasingly having generations of children growing up with huge chips on their shoulders, understandably.

These are not private questions. People who bring children into unstable environments create difficulties for society as a whole and we all end up paying the price.

Could not agree more!

Give up a job? That's not traditional values.

It is traditional for the women of the house to grind flour using a hand-stone and weave garments from the wool harvested from my sheep (which I got from a neighbouring tribe). They do this constantly throughout the year because this is women's work, while men's much more important physical labour is strictly seasonal (apart from murdering neighbouring tribesmen, which we do all year around).

Of course, I'm thoroughly modern in some ways; The other side of my family (recent immigrants, only been in the country since 43AD) introduced the idea of acquiring additional slave women (from the neighbouring tribe) to do this work for the women of the house and weaving our wool into togas! Personally I prefer nudity and woad (TRADITIONAL VALUES) but still, I think we should all be open to the benefits of multiculturalism.

Not trying to be smug or on a high horse,

No need to try, you've achieved both without effort.

These are not private questions. People who bring children into unstable environments create difficulties for society as a whole and we all end up paying the price.

100% agree

@squeezysparklyballs I need a place to live before I "live a bit"

Christ, I got it very wrong. I bought a house, then got in a relationship with someone, then had a kid, then bought another house, then had another kid and we still aren't married 15 years later... and we're about to buy a house again and only thinking about marriage because it would make it easier if one of us popped our clogs.

But then I prefer careful consideration of circumstances to following tradition without justification.

@Margot33 you're right. But after we got engaged my parents said we'd have to buy our own house before getting married

from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order

after we got engaged my parents said we'd have to buy our own house before getting married

Think your parents have got a bit confused!

I did everything in your 'right' order - well, we got married before we bought a house, but I guess that's ok within your traditional view? We were married with a house when we had DS, anyway. That just happened to be how things worked out and I really hope people don't assume I have views like yours because of it. I have friends who are doing it all sorts of different orders (or indeed deciding never to do some of your steps at all) and it's pretty clear that there's no one way that guarantees happiness or misery, just different ways for different people.

If I was old enough to get engaged that meant I was old enough to make my own decisions.....my parents had no place in telling me what to do.

Are you and your DFiancé/Fiancée hoping to make your own plans and decisions at some point in the future?

@CostanzaG @Justmuddlingalong Couldn't both live under one roof with our parents, and didn't want to continue living apart. They suggested the idea of buying our own house before the wedding and it made perfect sense

Oh, your parents told you to? That's so sweet.

Oh Lord.

didn't want to continue living apart

So you have very ‘traditional values’ but only about the things you want to do anyway? Which seem to boil down to ‘get married before children’ so are not that hugely different from the general population anyway?

Run your life how you like, but I don’t think you’re as unusual as you may imagine.

@53rdWay My main point was owning your own house and being married before having children

WHAT? YOU'RE LIVING IN SIN? Holy shit, where are your morals? What about tradition?
You see, OP, just like everyone else, you're picking and choosing which traditions suit you best. And yet, your choices are better/correct/more socially acceptable than those taking a different path? 🤔