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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to ask if it is normal to call to say you are in front of a McDonalds?

111 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/02/2019 10:44

My husband really likes us cell phone and he calls people all of the time, calls me all of the time, looks at funny pictures, plays cell phone games and so on...

So he phoned me to tell me he was in front of a McDonalds and he was going to go in. AIBU to think this is odd?

AIBU to ask you if you think there is some deeper sense like he might be sad, stressed, afraid or do people just do this nowadays and is it just normal and I suck at being a millennial because I don’t do this.
(He told me he wasn’t afraid or sad).

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 19/02/2019 11:57

*You don't suck at being a millennial.

You're over-analysing beautfully*

Grin
Purplecatshopaholic · 19/02/2019 11:59

No. Its needy and weird. Is he ok?

mogtheexcellent · 19/02/2019 12:03

My DH does this. He is odd.

Emeraldshamrock · 19/02/2019 12:07

I see your update, YANBU if you have tild hin many times this bothers you.
Tell him you won't be answering his calls, if he is concerned about an emergency tell him not ring so much, then you won't have to ignore his calls. Is he very needy in general? This would bother me too if I was busy.

LagunaBubbles · 19/02/2019 12:11

often phones because of reasons I do not understand, for example to ask which kind of yoghurt I want or to tell me he is in a traffic jam

I get the amount of calls annoys you but I'm struggling to understand what it is about these questions you don't understand? Confused

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/02/2019 12:17

@Eneraldshamrock Actually he is needy, yes, for example he doesn’t eat when he is at home alone. He waits for you to come back, reheat his food and serve it to him.
He has mental health problems (ptsd) and I understand that he needs much love and understanding.
Ptsd is also the reason why I always answer the phone no matter how busy I am because when I don’t he gets very stressed thinks something happened to me but I wish he would stop calling that much.

Tbh sometimes I think it might be because he has ptsd but then it is not a classical symptom of the desease at all. I heard about sufferers isolating but I never heard about them calling all of the time.

So, i have to stop for now. I have a ton of things to do.

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 19/02/2019 12:18

If my DH called me to say this I would assume it was a coded message and he'd actually been abducted. I'd probably put out an all ports alert (once I'd asked for a Big Mac). I get it, OP. It is a bit disconcerting!

Can you ask him to keep a journal instead and you can just 'catch up on his travels' when he gets home?!

ShabbyAbby · 19/02/2019 12:26

I do this
But not just to partners, I am single at the moment
To my friends, family members etc.
I call and say "I was just in the shop and saw the crisps you like. They are on offer" or whatever
Nobody has ever complained
They obviously must all think I'm nuts though

diddl · 19/02/2019 12:27

". He waits for you to come back, reheat his food and serve it to him."

That's being lazy isn't it?

SaturdayNext · 19/02/2019 12:30

Are you in the UK? I ask because we don't usually call them cellphones.

If he's phoning you to tell you he's in a traffic jam, I hope it's on a hands-free?

RelaisBlu · 19/02/2019 12:31

I am also puzzled by this.

I have a friend who tells me she speaks to her adult children every day Shock even though she has nothing to say and when I asked her why she said "I just like to hear their voice"

I really don't get this - I can't imagine anything my adult DC would find more annoying than their DM calling them every day, for no good reason!

CanuckBC · 19/02/2019 12:53

The PTSD clues me in. I have PTSD and I did this with my ex all the time. PRSD has an anxiety component and it’s a way of controlling your emotions IMO. If you are talking to someone you are not thinking the minute details of what is happening. It is probably an unconscious coping mechanism for him. Getting anxious in traffic jam where he can’t escape, call my wife who is my comfort and love, getting triggered about shopping, call the wife about inane things like yogurt or such. I would get a set of ear buds or something you can use on the go so you can take the calls without inconveniencing you but still letting him do his thing. It’s probably more of a coping thing then he will ever admit to or realize.

Mine was also insecurity because my ex was very passive aggressivene about stuff but that is another story.

Emeraldshamrock · 19/02/2019 13:16

It sounds tough OP, dealing with his demons.
Is he getting help, is there a sponsor service.
It is very hard to be everything to someone on top of your own needs, job etc. I hope he gets some peace soon, then gives you some Flowers

LadyBunker · 19/02/2019 13:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2019 13:23

Sorry OP I was doing stuff, I see you asked me about my DH's "issues" and that some took exception to your asking?! WTAF.

Anyway, he has issues around control and wanting attention. He feels he is reminding me that I am responsible for everything in his life. Its not a happy situation but that's another thread.

I see your DP has PTSD and that does make things a bit different, I think the calls are part of that need for constant validation and reassurance, its just a small part of it but no wonder you are exasperated. Did you say he is already having treatment for it? Has he had EMDR?

And why did MNHQ suddenly join in for a chat? (needy?!)

Wallsbangers · 19/02/2019 13:26

I'd have to ignore him his calls. It would drive me nuts.

ViolaD77 · 19/02/2019 13:28

My husband rings me all the time just to say 'r u ok, what u doin?'... Even when he's out with his friends he'll ring me to ask if I'm OK. Maybe he just wants to speak to you 🤷🏽‍♀️ do u like ur husband? 😂

WarpedGalaxy · 19/02/2019 13:35

So he likes to use his cellphone a lot, in common with many others, and you don’t, also in common with many others? Is that the gist of this thread or am I missing some profound point here?

PetuniaPetunia · 19/02/2019 13:48

I am also wondering why people are calling it a cellphone...

GabsAlot · 19/02/2019 13:48

hes got ptsd there you go then-it reassures himt o talk to you

M4J4 · 19/02/2019 14:00

OP, with your update that he expects you to reheat food for him and serve him, it sounds like, coupled with the neediness and incessant phone calls, he is making you responsible for everything in his life, like Dishing's DP.

Unfortunately people are only reading your OP so you will keep getting posts like 'he just wants to talk to youuuuu', when it's clearly more than that.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2019 14:11

M4J4 I make you right.

Emeraldshamrock · 19/02/2019 14:17

I wish people would read the thread, at least the OPs posts.

ImNotYourToy · 19/02/2019 14:28

Throw his phone in the canal.

WarpedGalaxy · 19/02/2019 15:40

Have read the Op's posts, she knows her DH has PTSD and this is probably driving all his behaviours, he needs help from MH professionals and counsellors not a bunch of mners bitching about how annoying he's being.

As for pps calling out the use of the word 'cellphones', that's what people who live in the USA which includes some posters here call mobile phones; but, hey, you already knew that so why the need to call it out? It's bloody tiresome and unnecessary.