To not want mother to kiss baby for this reason?

[ripeavocado]

I have a 9-month-old who interacts with my mother quite closely. My mother has a partner who regularly gets cold sores. Although my mother has never presented with a lesion, I know it’s possible that she may carry the virus asymptotically, and can at any point be “shedding” the virus (am I correct in believeing this?). For this reason, I’ve asked her not to kiss my baby. She’s taken offence to this (as she believes that she doesn’t carry the virus due to her never having had a lesion), and I suppose I’d like to know whether people feel I’m being unreasonable? Also, if not, is there any way of protecting my baby, should my mum ever slip up and kiss him?

Virtually all adults Carry the virus- but your mum’s immune system clearly ‘handles’ her exposure. If she’s never had a cold sore she’s no more likely to be shedding HSV than anyone else who has not had one. yABU

I don’t kiss my own DC on the lips so would be very annoyed and disgusted if anyone else did. I do kiss my DC but don’t like anyone else kissing including grandparents. I don’t kiss other people’s DC including nieces and nephews so don’t see why they should feel the need to kiss mine.

My DM has terrible cold sores on a regular basis and often has big red patches on her face even when she doesn’t have an actual sore. We’ve discussed how awful it would be to inflict that on DC and she doesn’t kiss at all for that reason.

Btw avoiding lip kisses doesn’t protect from herpes. Especially in babies with undeveloped immune systems. Nobody should be kissing babies at all.

As a virologist YANBU. I wouldn’t want anyone to kiss a baby on or near the mouth.

OP, your instincts are correct and there's plenty of evidence to back you up. People can be offended, can think you're over-reacting if they like, etc. but your job is to protect your child. It's not worth the risk. Imagine if the worst did happen; how would you, and your mum, feel then?

@scubadoobie
OP, your instincts are correct and there's plenty of evidence to back you up.

So exactly what evidence is there that cites people living with someone who gets cold sores can pass on the virus when they've never had a cold sore themselves?

NannyOgg 'Living with' completely trivialises the matter. You can 'live with' a roommate whom you barely interact with. My mother is in a relationship with her the individual who gets cold sores, so the appropriate phrase would've been 'intimate with'. Let's not warp the situation, now 😅

My dad gets cold sores, and I've had them since I was a baby (usually right on time for some kind of occasion where I'd rather look, er, not scabby. DP has never caught one from me. Unless your mum has a giant weeping sore which hasn't been covered with a Compeed, I'm not sure how contagious it is. That also said, I've had the odd cold sore my whole life and other than being a mild embuggerance it hasn't done me any harm.

@ripeavocado

So she's 'intimate with' someone who suffers and still doesn't have them herself? And I'm assuming you and she never kiss in greeting?

Why haven't you checked with, you know, an actual doctor rather than a shedload of randoms on the internet if you're so concerned?

@grincheux

embuggerance

Now that word belongs on the Favourite Words thread.

I understand your concerns, I really do. I just think you're being overly anxious about this. Your Mum hasn't even shown signs of having the virus. It can only be spread via the sores, not from kissing in general.

Neonates i.e. newborns, i.e. up to four weeks old...get neonate herpes, which is life-threatening. Your DB is 9 months old.

The moment the virus takes a hold (indicated by tingling) is when its active and contagious, right through till its still scabby,but should be gone after two weeks, and its possible to get something to cover it.

I have personally never suffered pain with them or used zovirax or any of those things. I tried coffee to start with pointless, but now just use lip balm and they're gone without any pain or itching.

I haven't actually seen any DC with cold sores, and I have certainly kissed mine loads!!

Anyone who's had chicken pox has the virus dormant in their system. So most adults.

The risk for your DB is over.

I have never kissed a baby on the lips?!? My babies have literally tried to climb inside my mouth, as they do at a certain age and you can't keep their fingers out but not contracted the virus. Maybe I have passed on an immunity.

I think you can feel a lot more calm and confident that your DB will not get it OP, because it's too old - no longer a neo-nate.

However you won't be able to stop your DB catching the virus. My family don't have it,so I have no idea where mine came from.

Hello, I get cold sores and have a baby. I just try and avoid kissing on the mouth, or if I had one active I would avoid altogether. I have read conflicting things about when cold sores can be passed on, but this seems like a reasonable level of precaution to me. My 4yo is very affectionate and comes to kiss me on the lips some times, I let him unless I have one but there isn't the fatal risk factor there!
Considering 80% of people have the oral herpes virus, bear in mind that you or your partner could easily also carry it without realising, you could have picked it up anywhere- shared cup, previous partner, family member etch.

Is it ok for somebody who suffers with cold sores but doesn't have an active one to kiss a baby on the head (ie not the mouth)? This thread has got me anxious as my dad has developed a cold sore and was holding my baby (newborn) three days ago (ie before he had the cold sore). He definitely kissed him on the head. @xMSx

@ripeavocado - I understand your anxiety but it may be a little OTT to ask your mum to never kiss baby just in case.

My mum suffers cold sores yet I never caught them from her. She was so careful from the moment she felt one coming. I trust her judgement not to put my baby daughter at risk.

I caught the virus from a boyfriend many years later and it affected me in a similar way that it does to babies and I was hospitalised. I'm still yet to have a cold sore, 11 years later. We only know I carry it due to the tests in hospital.

I don't kiss my DD on the lips but that's more because I think it's weird and for intimate relationship only. I still kiss her on the forehead, cheeks etc. If I felt I had a cold sore coming, I would take the same precautions my mum did with me.

I 100% understand how awful it can be but I do think banning your mum from ever kissing baby on the face is a bit over the top.

@DorisDays if your dad didn't have a visible cold sore its not likely to have been transferred to your baby especially if he was only kissing on top of the head, so baby should be ok!

Congrats on your baby!

@xMSx Thanks so much for replying and calming me down :-)

Shedding? We're all shedding, all the time and most of us don't even know we have the virus. I bet your mother feels hurt. As long as she's not kissing his mouth whilist having a big, fat cold sore you'll be fine. YABU IMO.