To not want mother to kiss baby for this reason?

[ripeavocado]

I have a 9-month-old who interacts with my mother quite closely. My mother has a partner who regularly gets cold sores. Although my mother has never presented with a lesion, I know it’s possible that she may carry the virus asymptotically, and can at any point be “shedding” the virus (am I correct in believeing this?). For this reason, I’ve asked her not to kiss my baby. She’s taken offence to this (as she believes that she doesn’t carry the virus due to her never having had a lesion), and I suppose I’d like to know whether people feel I’m being unreasonable? Also, if not, is there any way of protecting my baby, should my mum ever slip up and kiss him?

Divgirl2 I agree but the virus can be transmitted by just kissing on the face.

Yeah, you're not actually open to any views other than your own are you OP? I think you need an echo chamber not AIBU.

My mother has this. Very, very rarely did she get cold sores. Never once saw my dad with one.

On a very rare occasion, she had a cold, kissed my son (then only a few months old), shortly thereafter (hours) she developed a cold sore. My son shortly caught a cold and had a cold sore, was plagued with them throughout childhood until thankfully came along zorvirax and other medications.

YANBU

I'd never kiss someone's baby on the lips regardless. Do people think they like it?

howhasthishappened
Me, my husband, both my parents and my sister all have the virus and have suffered cold sores.
Have kissed all my children a thousand times over.

Easy to see why in some families everyone has cold sores.

Not a single person in my family or immediate circles gets cold sores, but it's more from luck than judgement, as I never knew they were communicable. Now that I do know, I don't understand why anyone would risk giving the virus to a baby.

Actually we don’t really know that much about the herpes virus. Some research suggests that many people are immune to it. Some research suggests that fetuses whose mothers’ have an attack during pregnancy gain immunity from the virus for life.

So DH and I should NEVER have kissed our children's faces because DH sometimes gets coldsores??? I can imagine that one coming up in therapy sessions in a couple of decades...

Yes, the herpes virus is dangerous to babies and I don't want my DCs (or I) to pick it up anyway. That does not justify banning the partner of a person from ever kissing on an incredibly low risk of transmitting it. If DH does have a coldsore from the tingling stage, kissing stops until it has healed. To say that he and in this case, I could never kiss our children is frankly bonkers. That is the same logic of chain of transmission that OP is wanting to impose on her DM.

DS2 for some reason is a lip kisser depsite us always going for cheeks. He's managed 6 years without getting coldsores despite there being a carrier of the virus in the house.

No echo chamber here. YABU.

Herpes virus can be fatal in babies and toddlers. They just don't have the immunity to fight it. The virus can lead to all sorts...encephalitis or meningitis for a start.

Yes it's possible theoretically for little ones to put something in their mouths and get it that way but kissing is the biggest way of transmitting.

If said person is harbouring certain viruses or diseases (chicken pox is herpes) then kissing a baby or young child can easily transmit it. The risk lessens as the child gets older and their immunity grows and they get stronger.

That said in some unfortunate babies the common Cold can land them in Paeds A and E. My son was 1 when he caught bronchiolitis caused by RSV. He could have died. Who did he catch it from? Goodness knows. Do I let that stress me with DD? No. If she got it now she'd be mighty unlucky and you can't stop everyone who might have this or that from kissing them at all. Kissing on the lips is not necessary....a kiss on the forehead is far safer and just as nice. :)

Yet another OTT idiotic OP. I take it your mother managed to bring you up without mortally wounding you?

Stop offending your baby's grandma

My friends sisters boy contracted the herpes simplex virus from someone with a cold sore when he was just born, as a result he ended up being extremely disabled and was unable to do anything for himself and was in a wheelchair because if the damage it had done to his body.
When I was in the hospital having my first 4 years ago he was also in hospital and sadly passed away at 6 all because of the coldsore virus, he lived his life in pain.
YANBU

YABU and very silly. Stop this ridiculous paranoia.

All these children that sadly have caught the virus have caught it from someone with an actual cold sore.

Not someone who lives with someone who has the virus.

By all means restrict where she kisses your baby, but if she doesn't get cold sores then surely to god she isn't infectious!

Please ask your doctor!

There is I believe a tiny risk of someone carrying it but asymptotic and passing it on. Very small.

I’m pretty hot on hygiene, food hygiene etc and don’t touch either DGDs until I’ve washed my hands - long journey with trains, tubes etc. But despite DP getting the occasional cold sore, it’s not occurred to me never to kiss my GCs . I’ve never had a cold sore, never kiss or share towels, cups etc with DP when he has one and if I’ve reached 58 without having had one I’m pretty sure I’m not a threat to my GC. I will definitely check with my doctor friend though as am prepared to stand corrected.

Coldsores are extremely dangerous to newborns, IIRC up to 6 months, though the first 4 weeks are the most risky. Whether this is new advice I'm not sure, because I don't remember being worried about it with DS1 (2008) yet it seems to be common knowledge among people who have had babies recently (DS2 2018)

It's not an idiotic worry at all. The virus can infect their internal organs and if this happens 1/3 will die. NHS page: www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

OP I would get her to wash her hands (just ask everyone to do it, then it's no big deal) and ask her not to kiss him in the first 4 weeks especially on his face or hands - but if she does and she doesn't have an open cold sore, don't worry about it, as it's unlikely she's contagious. I'd relax the kissing rule after that unless she has an active outbreak or is at all run down.

This has some advice on how to spot symptoms and what to do, but stresses that it's the first 4 weeks which are the greatest concern.

www.babycentre.co.uk/a557527/cold-sores

Yanbu. The herpes virus can be fatal for small babies. Those who are minimising this are unaware of the risks.
She might be a bit offended, but that's nothing on how bad she'd feel if something awful happened. Plus, why risk your lo having cold sores for the rest of their life. Kissing on the head is fine.

The OPs mum has never had a coldsore Bertie.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

CRoss post @bertieBotts@

Yes, hence why I'd relax after 4 weeks unless she did get one (there's always a first time). OP is right you can have it asymptomatically and even if it's a tiny chance I wouldn't risk it for the sake of waiting 4 weeks for a kiss. I wouldn't say she can't kiss the baby ever.

Yanbu. Herpes is dangerous for young children as others have pointed out. As long as she can carry him and hug him there's no need to put him at risk by kissing him, especially on the lips.

Show her a decent article on the risks and I'm sure she'll agree.

I wouldn't kiss/hold a baby if I had a cold - I don't think that's unreasonable and a cold is much less dangerous to a baby. I would not fuck about with something that has such a high chance of death no matter who it upset. And I'm not precious in general - I have put my baby's relationship with their grandparents over other risks which are less immediate and severe. But for four weeks and a high risk like that, no chances.

Babies are much nicer to kiss once they can smile and laugh in response, anyway. She won't miss out at all.

Oh - however - I have just realised the OP is talking about an already born 9 month old and not an unborn baby.

In that case no further precautions than anyone else - avoid kissing if you have a cold, wash hands if it's been a while.

So what did you do with your babies when you had a cold? Did you exile your snotty toddler when you brought home baby no. 2? I wouldnt want someone w a coldsore kissing my baby but I had winter babies and they were surrounded by the common cold from the get go. As most winter babies/subsequent children are.

I think YABU. She has never had a cold sore despite her partner getting them so is probably immune to the virus like a lot of other people are.

I get cold sores and I’m not going to never kiss my baby! Obviously I wouldn’t if I had an active sore.