To not want mother to kiss baby for this reason?

[ripeavocado]

I have a 9-month-old who interacts with my mother quite closely. My mother has a partner who regularly gets cold sores. Although my mother has never presented with a lesion, I know it’s possible that she may carry the virus asymptotically, and can at any point be “shedding” the virus (am I correct in believeing this?). For this reason, I’ve asked her not to kiss my baby. She’s taken offence to this (as she believes that she doesn’t carry the virus due to her never having had a lesion), and I suppose I’d like to know whether people feel I’m being unreasonable? Also, if not, is there any way of protecting my baby, should my mum ever slip up and kiss him?

X pist

The common cold is nothing like as dangerous as the herpes virus so it's not comparable.

OP - you are being very reasonable. I work in the medical profession and understand the clinical aspect of this. From what you say it is def possible she could be carrying the virus. Your grandma can still be very involved and loving but does not need to kiss your young child, whilst their immunity is vulnerable. Why risk it? I wouldn’t even say kissing on the head is fine.

Of course we can’t orotect against everything and our children will be unknowingly exposed to lots of risks, which is normal. But knowingly putting your child at risk, (as you say your mums partner has recurrent active herpes) would be foolish.

To all those posters saying YANBU. I get cold sores. I would never kiss my baby with an active sore. My partner has never had a cold sore.

But by your logic neither myself or my partner should ever kiss our baby!? Bloody ridiculous.

Why not seek advice from a pharmacist or your GP? rather than asking a random selection of people on the internet that mostly have no more medical knowledge than yourself.
I always find it astounding that people post for medical advice on a forum.

Yanbu I have cold sores and hate them
Yanbu to try to
Stop
Your children getting them, they hurt. That said I kiss my children on the cheek or head, never never on the mouth or near the eyes.

I not that keen on people kisses my children just incase

@ripeavocado I feel sorry for you, as it would seem your DM has a greater focus on her want to kiss your baby's face, rather than the need to be cautious with possible cold sores. I think you're being perfectly reasonable to ask her to be mindful, but obviously I'm in the minority!

If the OP is NBU then no one should ever kiss babies anywhere.

Are there two mumsnets? The last time I read a similar thread, there were dire warnings about cold sores being potentially fatal (as in this very tragic case www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6050737/Parents-13-day-old-baby-died-common-cold-sore-virus-make-plea-awareness.htm) yet people here are saying it's fine to kiss the baby?

I don't think it is OK for l a me one in regular contact with a cold sore sufferer to kiss a baby on the face. I know a colleague who has asked people not to kiss his brand new baby on the face.

YANBU - she can kiss the baby on the head, that's enough. I don't want anybody kissing my baby on the lips regardless (we don't do that either), but I definitely want even more caution about face kisses if somebody could have herpes. My MIL does, which I didn't know about until she told me when the baby was born to explain she couldn't kiss him and that we need to clean his fingers if he tries to grab her mouth. I appreciate that she loves him far too much to take risks, however slight. I'm sure your mum really loves your baby too, perhaps showing her some articles about the danger of herpes would help.

Maelstrop actual, active cold sores are very dangerous, people who are infected but currently asymptomatic less so, people who are not infected but live with people who are infected but currently asymptomatic even less so. And if you have a cold sore and kiss a baby on the hand you will pass on the cold sore to its fingers. So the OP is BU on every count.

yet people here are saying it's fine to kiss the baby?

Yes because some people are capable of making a sensible evaluation of risk not panicking over something they read in the Daily Mail.

So your mum is never allowed to kiss your child on the face?

YABU and ridiculous. Get a grip!

Barbarian you must be able to see it's different when you live with the baby, but yes, we do tend to put higher importance on handwashing and avoid kissing the baby on the face when we have colds. Obviously you still have to hold them if you're an adult caring for them, but if breastfed baby should have some protection from that particular cold anyway. I wouldn't hold a friend's baby if I had one. A cold doesn't take long to pass. It's limited what you can do with a toddler but for a tiny newborn they wouldn't be having massive amounts of close contact anyway.

But anyway this is moot as the OP's baby is 9 months old and not at risk of neonatal herpes any more.

4 of my 5 children suffer with cold sores. Nobody in my family or close friends (who would be the only ones kissing) suffer from them either. So absolutely no idea where the virus first came from.

I don't think you are being unreasonable op. Its a selfish person that will expose a baby to a lifelong condition. Aren't cold sores painful? Why would you risk giving that to a child? They look fucking awful too.

And didn't a baby die from herpes? Where someone with a cold sore kissed them?

I have the cold sore virus. I had a cold sore when DS was a week old. I have seen babies with herpes encephalitis so I completely understand your concern. Completely.

I think personally you're being ott. For a start there's no guarantee you yourself don't have the virus contracted prior to your mother meeting her dp, as you say, it's possible to not show my symptoms. A huge percentage of the population carry version of hsv and no everyone shows symptoms.

I kiss DS7m at least a hundred times a day, he also has a particular fondness of grabbing my face and mouth. Friends with cold sore also kiss their children.

DH has never had a cold sore and we've been together 13 years. Nor has my sister who I've shared food and drink with (When not had a cold sore). My DM and aunt have had cold sores and I'm very strict about no kisses when one is active.

As I said, I completely agreee with how serious the virus can be in babies, and have shown article to people to back up when I've made a point. But you also have to remember that no-one is going to report on all the babies who's family members have hsv and the baby never got it.

This is all wonderfully bonkers. Of course people with cold sores should not kiss kids - absolutely. But someone who has never even had one...? I hope you also avoid crossing the road with your baby! Or leaving the house really...

You do NOT getting shedding of the herpes simplex virus type 1 (or type 2) when there is NO active lesion. You’re being silly I’m afraid. I studied medical microbiology at uni. You can ONLY contract herpes from direct skin to skin contact with an active lesion of by sharing items touched by someone with an active lesion which then gets into your body via cuts/mucosal surfaces.

Never expected this thread to attract this many responses! Thank you all for your input.

Quite interesting how people have such different takes on this. No problem with my baby being exposed to harmless, immunity-building illnesses, but I'd really prefer if he wasn't exposed to the cold sore virus at this young age. I understand that the risk is small, but it's still there and it's still within my power to avoid the risk on this occasion. My mother kissing him on the head rather than the face (for now) really isn't that big a deal, if you think about it. There are a number of ways to show affection without it involving a kiss on a very specific region of the body.

Another alternative reality MN thread.

OP by your logic me not my husband would ever kiss DS on the face. I understand the fear but this is really nuts.

But you dont want to hear that so I guess carry on as you are.

MEDIC HERE! YOUR BABY CAN ONLY CATCH THE HERPES VIRUS IF COMES INTO CONTACT WITH AN ACTUAL SORE AT BLISTER STAGE

YANBU op, it's a natural protective instinct. Shame for your mum but she needs to respect your wishes.
My aunty knows someone whose baby died after he kissed him whilst he had a cold sore. It's not worth the risk.

Both my DParents had the cold sore virus: neither kissed me when they had a cold sore, yet I still managed to contract the virus. I'm pretty sure that the most contagious time is just before the tingling bit, so a day or two before the sore begins to appear. So YANBU. Cold sores are awful for adults, but as I child … I didn't just get a little blister, my whole lip would swell and crack open. When you see those pics of trout pouts gone wrong, it was like that. It was disgusting to look at and could take up to 2 weeks to clear. Going to school, then college, with those things popping up every now and again was horrible. And of course when kids were old enough to understand that it was part of the herpes virus ... you can imagine what people were saying to me. They were really painful, too.