To worry that DS 13mo may have ASD or something else?

[Februaryblooms]

DS is 13 months, I know that's still extremely young but I can't shake the feeling that something is a bit different about him. My worries are compounded by DP's older child having been confirmed as ASD and DP is most definitely on the spectrum albeit undiagnosed.

DS doesn't respond to his name being called, even if I get down to his height and say his name repeatedly he'll look straight past me and won't make eye contact, just try to squirm away. He's obsessed with the wheels on his toy cars and will sit spinning them for ages but doesn't actually play with them. He doesn't wave and doesn't clap, he doesn't point. He's not very affectionate and hates being held and cuddled. He never sits still to interact with us, he just wants to be left to his own devices.

His hearing is fine by the way, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with his hearing at all. If he hears a theme tune from the other room he'll come straight in and go to the tv.

He hasn't started talking yet, the only 'words' he says is "mmmummum" but only the noise, he doesn't associate it to me. He did say "dadadadad" for a week or so but hasn't since.

Some reaasuring signs would be that he likes playing boo when he's in the mood, and laughs and runs when me and DP pretend to hide and chase him. He's walking well, feeding himself well, sleeping well.

I spend hours every day trying to interact with him and teach him words, objects etc but he has absolutely no interest in me at all

AIBU to be worrying about this so early on?

Following the child’s lead is the main method of the More Than Words Hanen approach. Observing them and commenting on what they are interested in rather than what you want them to be interested in. It’s a much more successful approach to get communication going.

It's lovely to hear positive stories, it gives me alot of hope in the event that DS did end up having ASD. I'll always love him unconditionally and I'm sure it won't affect our bond :)

I'm taking on board all the tips given, so thank you to PP's for those.

@Bouncingbelle sending you a virtual handhold and the best of luck for the multi agency meeting. Your DS sounds very sweet

I had a glimmer of hope this morning after trying (and failing) to get DS to interact with me after his breakfast. My DM came round and as soon as he saw her he was all smiles and trying to get her attention. He was fiddling about with a toy and kept looking at her as if to say "look at me" which made my day. I do wonder whether he just finds me boring sometimes

Thsnks februaryblooms! I think the same thing sometimes my wee boy loves a round of applause if he does something - he will happily make eye contact and interact with us if we clap when he does it (ie put blocks in a tub) - we are starting to act like demented seals!

So relatable @Bouncingbelle

DS discovered the bell on his trike recently and has taken to dinging that whenever he passes by. DP and I are forever giving him a round of the applause and a big "yaaay!"

He does this little giggle with a big smile. So cute!

Honestly, you can't assess a child at 13 months. People can say they always knew they child was autistic since however old but it's just anecdotes. My son genuinely didn't meet social milestones till about 2 and he's fine. If I'd gone and had him assessed and "pushed for diagnosis" then god knows what would have happened, he's fine now!

A child doesn't get a diagnosis by a parent just pushing for one.

They don’t just diagnose people willy nilly.
I was speaking to a woman who was still fighting for her 13 year old when there had been concerns since she was 5!

I’m sorry but if you have concerns that your child is not developing ‘typically’ then you’re not doing your job as a parent if you adopt the ‘wait and see’ method - the earlier the intervention the better it is for the child. OP is doing the right thing. And if it turns out that it’s a delay rather than a diagnosis then great! I’m sure I don’t speak for everyone but that’s the preferred outcome for many parents. So you can piss off with your ‘anecdotes’ and count yourself lucky.

I agree, a diagnosis is not easy to get and a child will only be diagnosed if they are autistic. The assessment process takes a long time, 2 years for my DS once he had been referred and getting a referral is often not straightforward. Too many HV’s / GP’s / Nursery/school staff etc don’t have enough experience to spot the signs and a “wait and see” approach wastes valuable time to get the right support in place. If there are concerns then they should be investigated by professionals with the experience to do so.

I agree, pushing for diagnosis is only going to get you a diagnosis if your child actually meets the diagnostic criteria for having ASD.

And doctors don’t rush into diagnosis’s either. Even a quick diagnosis is likely to take months at least.

My 5 year old son has ASD. He was diagnosed at 2.4 years but I had been raising concerns with the HV at about 15mths. He is still non verbal however is developing some language and is in mainstream school with support.

OP it’s hard. At his age it could be perfectly normal or signs of ASD only time will tell. The most helpful thing I have been shown / researched is intensive interaction. Basically you do exactly as they do. If they make a sound you copy. If they roll on the floor / drum on the table / shake a toy you copy. The idea is you show your child there is a world outside of themselves and they can interact with it without putting to much pressure on them.

I have a ASD child and a NT child (DS2). Now we have DS2 I realise the differences in my older son were obvious from a much younger age. However DS1 is an utter love machine . He lives for kisses and big squashy cuddles I have no concerns about our bond whatsoever. Your love for your DS shines out of your posts. Whatever the outcome both you and him will be fine together

I've been doing alot of the intensive interaction over the last couple of days and will keep it up

Hi
Just a few thoughts, all your interactions are useful, so just try to make them meaningful. You've got his attention whilst you're feeding him so chat and sing to him, count the spoons or say just one more. You're probably doing all these!
Record some nursery rhymes so you can concentrate on a few that might appeal. Ie wheels on the bus, have a box of props for each chorus, he may be able to get the right one or you sing what he gets.
Have you got a rear facing pram so you can babble at him whilst you're walking.
Use wheels in paint or sand, use what he likes to draw him in.
Nursery rhyme groups etc would be great, have a work with the owner etc and explain he won't sit yet, is there a group that could accommodate that.

Our 14 year old is currently being assessed for ASD. It does upset me when people think we haven't done our job properly as parents to wait until now. He seemed to be coping until secondary and the teenage years hit. I do feel plenty of guilt for not looking into this earlier but there are lots of children that don't get a diagnosis until later. We have let him down but we can only look forward and do our best for him now.

A few weeks ago I went to an ASD workshop that our health authority run for all parents whose children are on the diagnosis pathway. Nearly every parent there had a secondary school age child.

It is guilt inducing, but in my eyes there’s no excuse. I can speak as a mum of a child currently going through the process of being diagnosed, but I suppose my feelingns towards this come from being an adult who was diagnosed with aspergers aged 26, even though my parents knew there was something different about me but didn’t do anything about it as they didn’t want the stigma of having a disabled child (not implying that’s the case)

As far as diagnosis goes....when your child has no diagnosis that's all you want as a parent. And you fight for it as that's what your instincts tell you.

But the reality is....a diagnosis means nothing. Nothing changes. A diagnosis for autism may help with funding for education (1:1 help etc) but that's all.

A lot of my support I had stopped when my son was diagnosed and I felt I was just left on my own to deal with it. And in all honesty, I'm not the only one. The majority feel this way.

I guess you are right Oldbrownshoe. As a mum I will have to live with the fact I have made my child's life far more difficult by waiting this long to pursue a diagnosis.

I never wanted things to be difficult for him and I only want him to be happy and reach his potential. We are working really hard with the school now to put in place some support to make life easier for him, it won't change the past but hopefully will make the future better.

School can access the same support and get EHCPs without a diagnosis. Mine is 12 and we are awaiting diagnosis but he always has had support including a full time 1-2-1 at one stage. A diagnosis protects against some discrimination but adds some, they can't join forces etc though I don't want mine in forces but don't agree with choice being taken away. It also takes 2 years to get and your child is still the same. I wouldn't discourage anyone seeking a diagnosis but its not a magic cure, brings no help at all automatically.

No I’m sorry @Punxsutawney my comment was unnecessary. Was just wound up by what mrmakersfartyparty post and projected.
I’m glad your son is getting the help he needs now, you’re a good mum for helping him, and there’s no way of knowing if having a diagnosis would have made his life easier, or it could have even singled him out and made it worse. I have a 16 year old and I know even back in the early 2000s attitudes were just as bad towards asd then.
I wish you lots of luck

No worries Oldbrownshoe, I think I will always feel some guilt over this. You are right though I think attitudes were not as supportive back in the eary 2000s. He started reception in 2008 and his teacher told us he was 'different' but never once offered any advice or support. I really had no idea about autism at all!

As he has grown up I have learnt more and educated myself about ASD and it all began to make sense to us. The diagnosis pathway isn't easy but I'm glad he is on it now. I don't expect anything to change much even with a diagnosis but even if it helps him understand himself a bit better it will be worth it.

Good luck on the diagnosis pathway with your child too.

shows empathy by crying whenever another child does (even on tv!)

It isn't necessarily empathy when a child cries when they see another child crying, often it's because it makes them feel upset, but not because they are concerned for the other child, if that makes sense?

My DP can certainly relate to not perusing a diagnosis for his older son because he didn't want him singled out or labelled as the 'unusual or disabled' child. I do try to understand his reasoning, even if it's not something I can relate to personally. It's down to his ex that his older DS began the assessment process and eventually was diagnosed.

If it were down to him he wouldn't be pursuing assessments for our DS but I'm all for early intervention (if necessary of course). Anything to make life a little easier for him.

I currently am using meal times as a foot in the door to get as much 1:1 interaction in as possible. It's the only time he's still

My son is 2 years and 1 month and isn't speaking independently .... he copies nurseries rhymes when watching them and communicates my grunting or runnninh to the kitchen I always meet his needs .. but he isn't saying any words by himself ... he is very affection and gives you eye contact but he does prefer to play on his own and does not like much noise.... he has little traits and I have raised my concerns at his 2 year check and he's been referred for a hearing test and speech therapy for now

I've noticed with DS that he responds differently depending on your tone of voice.

If i call his name in my usual tone or sound upbeat and cheerful he ignores me completely. If he's doing something he's not supposed to be doing like whacking the TV or opening draws and I say his name in a deeper drawn out "telling off" tone he will sometimes stop what he's doing and look at me, then whinge about being told off

It's a bit hit and miss but theres definitely acknowledgment under thosw circumstantes, compared to none at all when I'm trying to get his attention to play. He certainly understands no.

Could there be a degree of selective hearing or stubbornness at play here do you think?

@februaryblooms some games I play with ds which have been successful in terms of keeping his attention and interaction is turn taking games (rolling a ball, car down the ramp, making sure you say ‘mamas turn, ds turn’) also ‘ready steady, go!’ Type games.
He also loves popping bubbles, and when I blow up a balloon and let it go he runs to where it lands and brings it back to my hand. Just a few ideas that might come in handy.

Re your last post - baby’s that age don’t know how to be ignorant/stubborn.

My dp sounds a bit like yours - he refuses to admit that ds could be on the spectrum and uses the ‘hes Just ignorant’ and even my anxiety as an excuse for how he behaves. Trust your instincts x