To worry that DS 13mo may have ASD or something else?

[Februaryblooms]

DS is 13 months, I know that's still extremely young but I can't shake the feeling that something is a bit different about him. My worries are compounded by DP's older child having been confirmed as ASD and DP is most definitely on the spectrum albeit undiagnosed.

DS doesn't respond to his name being called, even if I get down to his height and say his name repeatedly he'll look straight past me and won't make eye contact, just try to squirm away. He's obsessed with the wheels on his toy cars and will sit spinning them for ages but doesn't actually play with them. He doesn't wave and doesn't clap, he doesn't point. He's not very affectionate and hates being held and cuddled. He never sits still to interact with us, he just wants to be left to his own devices.

His hearing is fine by the way, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with his hearing at all. If he hears a theme tune from the other room he'll come straight in and go to the tv.

He hasn't started talking yet, the only 'words' he says is "mmmummum" but only the noise, he doesn't associate it to me. He did say "dadadadad" for a week or so but hasn't since.

Some reaasuring signs would be that he likes playing boo when he's in the mood, and laughs and runs when me and DP pretend to hide and chase him. He's walking well, feeding himself well, sleeping well.

I spend hours every day trying to interact with him and teach him words, objects etc but he has absolutely no interest in me at all

AIBU to be worrying about this so early on?

A better link to M CHAT mchatscreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/M-CHAT-R_F_Rev_Aug2018.pdf

More Than Words book, costs £45 but I think worth it. Amazon May be cheaper. www.winslowresources.com/more-than-wordsr-from-hanenr-book.html

I agree that a ‘label’ at this age won’t change anything about him but if i suspected anything concerning for my toddler I would be pushing it because having it diagnosed will help later in life with things like exams and getting additional help if/when required.

I’m not sure if they are things to be concerned about OP but I am a strong believer in going with your gut instinct

@whereisthepostman my dd had signs of autism at 6 months though we didn’t know it was asd at the time. But by 13 months we could definitely tell things weren’t okay.

Given your dp and his son I would speak to your HV.

I used to do autism assessments but in the US and in young children, beginning at eighteen months as it was private so didn't need to wait for referrals. Like a PP said, there can be signs as young as six months old even though obviously that's too young for diagnosis. I'd take the MChat and see what comes back. It's still early days but no harm starting with intensive intervention skills to be safe.

Thank you all for your advice and to the PP's with the links, they're very helpful

I've done the Mchat now and it's cementing my initial thoughts, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to know anything for sure for some time yet given his young age

I'm definitely going to talk to the HV.

If he indeed did have a form of ASD, would that affect his quality of childhood/life? It matters not one bit to me what diagnosis' he may get, so long as he's happy. My worries are solely about how he may struggle later on, and not because I want him to be anything other than himself.

I've tried to talk to DP about his older DS's diagnosis but he shuts down and won't discuss it, it's like he's embarrassed.

I know he really isn't, he's just extremely defensive about it because I think he blames himself.

I can see why you're concerned. That said, he's very young for pointing and too young to do the MCHAT (needs to be 18 mo for that).

In your position Id speak to my gp and ask for a referral to a developmental paed - they msy not want to do this yet, in which case wait 2 months and try again. Perhaps more importantly I'd start reading up about autism, ways to help communication and things like aba to devise strategies going forward. If he does have asd, finding ways to get him to engage with you and to communicate effectively will be a priority and none of the things you can do to encourage this will hurt him if he's not.

My DS has outgrown a lot of traits the older he gets. I remember worrying a lot at the same age on how he would cope. He's now in mainstream school which is doing wonders for him. Because of my early intervention I had his EHCP ready for September and he had a one 2 one teaching assistant in place by October.

I'm certainly going to do that, and look into the intensive interaction and book mentioned above.

At present it's very difficult to get him to interact with me, if I sit him on the sofa or floor and sit in front of him to talk and play he just gets up and wanders off.

I've started to keep him in his high chair for 10-15 minutes after he's finished his meals to do some 1 on 1 interacting when he can't wriggle off and run away but he has no interest in me and starts to get annoyed wanting to be let out. I try the same when he's in his pram before we go out and when we return home but it's the same thing.

Before I began to worry about ASD I chalked it up to him not learning anything because he was just overly active thus wouldn't sit still and interact long enough to pick anything up.

Nursery rhyme groups are a no go because he won't sit still

@woodwaj its very reassuring to hear that your DS (and PP's) are doing well now they're older.

I think it pays to be on the ball as early as possible doesn't it

I would ask for a referral. He has some red flags. My severely autistic son is 20 now but I knewcat 14 months he had autism and they started assessments at 18 months.

A diagnosis will help (if he does have ASD) to target interventions.

Take one step at a time.
It s not the end of the world... it may be the step into a different world. Plenty of others in it.

I'm sure if we did end up with a diagnosis we'd cope just fine, there seems to be alot of support for children with ASD and their families which is brilliant to know. I do know that it is a huge spectrum though so I've no idea what to expect on either end of the scale.

All you ever want is for your child to be happy and accepted, don't you? When I spoke to DP about my concerns he didn't want to acknowledge them, he doesn't like the thought of DS being "singled out" which he feels his older DS has been (at school)

I'm definitely going to ask for a referral as this is something I can't reassure myself that I'm wrong about, as much as I hope I am (for DS's sake obviously)

@BenjiB could I ask what life has been like for your son? (Feel free to tell me to mind my own business if im over stepping the mark of course)

I know next to nothing about ASD other than some of the red flags, and some traits I know about in DP although he is highly functioning and masks very well. Unless you know him well you'd probably not cop on.

February do have a look at the More than Words book. It gives you lots of ideas how to interact with your DS that you may not have thought of just through common sense or playing with neurotypical children. It was recommended to me by both an autism specialist speech therapist and by parents I met on an Earlybird course for recently DXed DC with ASD. I used it for a few years then passed it on to a friend to help her with her DS.

Have a look on the SN board as well. It was my second home for a few years and I found it very supportive. Even if just comparing your DP’s pretty typical (if frustrating) reaction with others in a similar boat.

I remember having similar concerns at that age, which turned out to be completely unfounded. Keep having fun with him in the ways he enjoys and give him a bit more time.

@EllenJanesthickerknickers I'm going to look up 'More than words' now, thank you for recommending it.

I'll also check out the SN boards on here too.

DP's reaction is a bit frustrating definitely. I guess I can understand his feelings toward a second child having ASD when his first hasn't had an easy time of it in school. He feels guilty and frustrated for his son, but I hope he'll get on board with pushing for a review for our DS as I'll be doing so regardless. It would just be nice to have him to talk to about it in the mean time.

@Catinthetwat thank you Cat that does give me a bit of hope. I'll try not to get my worries get in the way of enjoying his younger months

And to answer some of your questions to PPs, my DS2 coped well in MS school after going initially to a special assessment and development centre between 3 and 5yo. He had a statement of SEN, then an EHCP and had 1:1 support for 20 hours a week. He had a nice friend in primary school but not so much in secondary. It made me sad, but he wasn’t sad about it. He is happier interacting with older adults rather than other children/his peers. He got 8 GCSE passes and level 3 BTEC and is currently doing an HNC. But academic achievement isn’t that important, life skills are more so, and learning to cope in an NT world.

I found it’s best not to look too far ahead. You can’t tell at a young age how they are going to develop. It’s best to have short term goals, achieve those and move on to the next short term goal. Which may be working on their communication, finding a good pre school, getting adequate support whether that’s an EHCP if appropriate or whatever.

I was told when my eldest was 12 months old that he had autistic traits (I didn't have a clue), was told by another health professional at 18 months that he would one day be diagnosed with autism and he was. He's 14 now and in a special needs school and has a ehcp. Everyone always says No one knows a child as well as their mum, so if you have concerns speak to someone, it can't hurt.

he is too young for the m-chat. it's used from 16 (or even 18) months. so don't do it yet.

have a chat with the HV/GP (who will both probably palm you off).

But get your worries recorded.

DD1 has ASD and I knew from 6 months on something was off. Took me to the third birthday and countless GP/HV pleads to get a referral. she is severely affected, also has severe LD.

best thing is to do things yourself. more than words is a good start.

@Februaryblooms life is difficult for him. He’s non verbal and has little understanding. He has very little understanding so gets easily frustrated. Up until he was about 14 we barely knew we had him, apart from his communication difficulties he was a happy boy. He never had any sort of aggression or melt downs. However with puberty everything changed. He can be very aggressive with us and he’s a big lad. Life for us has been extremely difficult, we’ve had to fight for everything. Our younger children’s lives are also affected. We can’t go out as a family at all as there’s no one to take care of him. They’ve never had a proper holiday. We’ve literally just spent over £20k fighting the Local Authority for a specialist college placement. Happy to say we won and he’ll be starting in a few weeks and will be residential from September. Our situation is extreme though, our son is very severely affected. Some days he’s lovely and a pleasure to be around. I’m going to miss him terribly in September. I do everything for him and have so much anxiety that no one will care for him like I do.

A lot of what you describe is familiar op.

I was worried my ds was autistic at 12 months old. I rang my HV and took it from there.We started investigations and referrals at 18 months and had a diagnosis by 2.5 yrs.

My ds is 9 now. He started at special school before reception age and still only likes interaction on his terms. He spends lots of time alone and when he is with me, likes to tell me stuff but is rarely interested in what I have to say.

He is so unique, he makes the rest of the human race look like clones of each other. He is funny, cheeky, obsessive, caring and anxious.

When he was little, I often felt very lonely in his company. Even now I sometimes sit with him as he sleeps just so I can be near to him. I tell him that I love him and talk about all the things he won't let me say when he's awake!

He is so uncompromising, but that is also one of the (many) things I admire about him.

Good luck on your journey, you sound really level-headed - that will help both you and your son in the years ahead, whatever they hold.

I had many of the concerns you have when my DS was that age. He is now 13 and was diagnosed with Social Communication Disorder and Autistic traits at about age 6. He's doing very well at secondary school and has lots of friends. He has struggled socially along the way, but my worst fears were unfounded. Listen to your instincts, but keep an open mind.

I'm reading all of the replies here, thank you all for sharing and advising me. It means alot.

The line about feeling alone in DS's company really resonated with me. I'd love nothing more than for DS to want to come for a cuddle, to lift his little arms out and want to be near me but it's as though I'm invisble most of the time