To worry that DS 13mo may have ASD or something else?

[Februaryblooms]

DS is 13 months, I know that's still extremely young but I can't shake the feeling that something is a bit different about him. My worries are compounded by DP's older child having been confirmed as ASD and DP is most definitely on the spectrum albeit undiagnosed.

DS doesn't respond to his name being called, even if I get down to his height and say his name repeatedly he'll look straight past me and won't make eye contact, just try to squirm away. He's obsessed with the wheels on his toy cars and will sit spinning them for ages but doesn't actually play with them. He doesn't wave and doesn't clap, he doesn't point. He's not very affectionate and hates being held and cuddled. He never sits still to interact with us, he just wants to be left to his own devices.

His hearing is fine by the way, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with his hearing at all. If he hears a theme tune from the other room he'll come straight in and go to the tv.

He hasn't started talking yet, the only 'words' he says is "mmmummum" but only the noise, he doesn't associate it to me. He did say "dadadadad" for a week or so but hasn't since.

Some reaasuring signs would be that he likes playing boo when he's in the mood, and laughs and runs when me and DP pretend to hide and chase him. He's walking well, feeding himself well, sleeping well.

I spend hours every day trying to interact with him and teach him words, objects etc but he has absolutely no interest in me at all

AIBU to be worrying about this so early on?

Trust your instinct. Looking back there were all sorts of flags as early as 12 months we just didn't realise.
It's only since having DD2 that I realise how different she was. She was diagnosed shortly before she was 4. Check out the SN board here. It's fantastic with a lot of v knowledgable and helpful people. Good luck!

I can see why you’re concerned, although he is very young. I’d be speaking to your HV about your concerns.

But what you say about this - When I spoke to DP about my concerns he didn't want to acknowledge them, he doesn't like the thought of DS being "singled out" which he feels his older DS has been (at school) -

It’s worth remembering that if your DS does turn out to have ASD, or anything else, that he’ll still have it regardless of whether or not you seek a referral and diagnosis. Refusing to acknowledge any differences he may have won’t make them go away.

That is the thing I've struggled most with, op, the invisibility. I find myself looking at him and missing him, even though he's right in front of me.

When ds was diagnosed the paed told us that he will love us as much as any child would or could, and not to be fooled by the lack of demonstrative love. I remind myself of that daily!

When he was little he liked to squeeze through things so we sat on the sofa together while he squashed himself between my back and the seat! He also liked me to hold the duvet down while he was in bed while he 'squeezed' around underneath. Those things helped our connection.

If I did those early stages again the one thing I wouldn't fuss about was early intervention. My son's brain is different and he has taught himself everything he knows. He decided to toilet train himself at 8.5 yrs, no discussion or warning, after years of 'intervention'. It has been much more beneficial to concentrate on the behavioural side for us.

My final piece of advice is that everyone, friends, family, doctors etc will tell you he's 'too young' to know. We knew.

My ds in his 20s has severe and complex needs.
But you right now have a baby. Don't look too far ahead. Get support and intervention he needs. Try and enjoy him quirks and all. Join him on the floor and spin wheels together.

YANBU I think you need to trust your instincts.

Ds was obsessed with wheels as well, played with the wheels of his toys. Did not ask to be picked up or point to show interest, or wave goodbye. He also spent ages standing waving objects backwards and forwards in a very deliberate manner. These were all things that were early markers for autism.

He used to rock himself in the car seat and was obsessed with the washing machine. Ds did not meet the 50 words by 2 milestone. He was exceptionally good physically.

DD did not wave, or point, or ask to be picked up either. She did not talk a lot until just before two.

Ds was diagnosed at age 4, I delayed going to the GP in case they said it was terrible twos.it took just understand year.

DD did not get diagnosed until age 12. She masked better. Go and raise it with your GP and take a list of your concerns.

I could have written your post.
Go with your gut and flag it with the health visitor.
Early intervention is critical and if a child gets the right support from an early age, they have a higher chance of having less hurdles in later life

My son was like this. It was a few years ago. He did not talk either. His speech was very slow. would say the same words. Didn't point or clap. So many things and my daughter had meltdowns for socks and anything sensory until she was around 6 at least. She had red flags well in today's society more so as back then ASD wasn't as well known. Today they are both doing fine and expert's in their line of work. They have friends and my son had a partner. My daughter is enjoying travelling around working and nothing fazes her now. It was just stages of childhood for them anyway. I'm not saying there isn't anything but please please don't worry too much. Health visitor will probably say too young. My son at school came in leaps and bounds and no one could believe the change in. He never looked anyone one in eye that pre school said they still had to wait and see. He came Into his own. They will not diagnose that young for many reasons and it's a good thing as I do think today people so badly want to put labels on different stages and transition of childhood. There is a great read on the professionals take a long time to diagnose. The human mind and body changes so much during the early years. Speak to HV by all means but I will say from years and years of experience of mine and others it's not unusual.

I agree that while you can't tell definitely he does sound like he might be on the spectrum, especially with the family history. I'd definitely get advice from an autism charity before you know for sure.

I've read about it so much I've found myself purposely looking for more signs which I know I shouldn't be doing. I need to give my self a good talking to and stop that as it's not fair on poor DS really.

He's a touch whingey this morning and he's going around making 'grunting' noises, the sort of sounds you hear when people are playing tennis

Prior to DS I have no experience of babies so very little experience as to what's normal and what's not. I'm a natural born worrier unfortunately which only compounds how I feel when I get a feeling something is a bit off.

I agree I need to relax and enjoy him without stressing about what may or may not be.

I think I'll give the HV a call today just to raise the matter then try to put it out of my mind

In your initial post you could be describing my ds. He’s 20 months now but at 15 I contacted the HV as I was worried. Luckily they’ve taken me seriously despite his age and we have lots lined up to get the ball rolling.

Have you had a SOGS test done? I’d be asking for an assessment from the hv asap. If if does turn out your ds has additional needs then early intervention is key.

@HalfBloodPrincess nope I haven't had a SOGS, what is that please? The only thing he's had is a generic check list type 'review' when the HV visited last. It was before he started walking and he was walking by 11 months. She said he seemed to be doing good with everything except social development but I haven't heard from her since.

It’s a schedule of growing skills assessment. They should do one between 12-18 months depending on when the developmental check is. If your child scores less than his age in 2 or more categories then it’s normally indicative that further helpnis needed.

Sorry to say it but it truly is a battle. My advice is trust your instincts and push for every assessment and help you can think of.
We’re only at the start so I can’t really advise much on the process but it’s something you have to fight for if you believe there’s cause for concern.

When DS was that age he had no interest in cuddles. I remember being so sad about it. I developed a little trick....I sat in front of the washing machine when it was on (effectively blocking his view) then I used to hold him in front of me with his head looking over my shoulder so he could see. If I was lucky he would relax into me with his head on my shoulder. A cuddle! Sort of!

He’s 10 now, and does come for a cuddle now. It’s a brief, stiff kind of ‘bloke hug’ but I’ll take that!

I've just called the health visiting team and left a message for our named health visitor, asking her to contact me as I'd like to have a chat about a few concerns I have with DS's social development.

Hopefully I get a call back relatively soon and can get the ball rolling.

I've had a chat online with an old friend of mine who's son is ASD and the severe end of the spectrum. He is completely non verbal like a PP mentioned here about her boy. I told her the red flags and she said he sounds exactly like he did at an early age.

Really appreciate all of your replies and suggestions. I've been worrying alot and it's very helpful to hear from others who have had the same concerns, whether they turned out to be ASD or not

Could be, but also may not - too early to diagnose. But we did see differences from birth looking back, and the lack of words was noted at clinic visit for 15 month vaccinations when we later looked through her records. We went back at 2 and had various testing and an early intervention programme from 2.5, being diagnosed at 2 3/4.

actually, I would run this via the GP. In my experience, HVs have very little to no understanding of this kind of atypical development. HVs failed us terribly and I know of many families with very similar experience. Call HV for weaning advice but with this kind of issue, I would make an appointment to see the GP.

@buttertoff33 I assumed the GP would signpost me back to the health visitors to be honest, if that's not the case then I'm more than happy to go down the GP route. Whatever helps

I was you 9 years ago. In my case, yes my son is autistic. I knew from a baby. He was diagnosed aged 5.

Health visitor was convinced he was fine. Took him to the gp who was also convinced he was fine however did refer us to a paediatrician. The wait was 8 months.

Where I finally got the ball rolling was actually going to a drop in speech and language clinic at my local community centre. From a quick chat with a therapist, we were immediately given a hearing test and referred to portage which was amazing. He was 2 when we got this.

I haven't read all the comments and I'm in no way saying your son does have asd. I just thought I'd share my experience. I have had 2 children since. My daughter is non asd. My 6 month old....I'm constantly looking for signs.

Also, does he like to watch tv? I taught my son to say words through the tv. Sounds daft but it worked. Basically we would sit and watch it, when something came on the tv (cat, dog, car, train etc etc etc) I would pause the tv and say the word.....and gradually he began to try say the words.

Good luck op x

Should also mention we got a speech therapist too from this drop in clinic. I'd really advise you to have a look and see if there is anything similar in your area.

@thinking54 he loves the TV, it's always on as background noise when I'm at home (I know that's probably not the best though!)

I'd be interested in finding a drop in speech and language clinic that I could take him to. I'll have to do some research and see whether there's anything like that near me, it sounds like it would be good for him either way.

How is your little boys speech now? Did he catch up after you sought help and got a diagnosis?

What saddens me more than anything about an ASD diagnosis is the possibility that he may never talk (or talk in full sentences) so I may not get to experience the joy of having little conversations with him, I've been looking forward to that since the day I found out I was expecting him.

I mustn't get ahead of myself though (I keep telling myself that)

A quick search online has brought up a specialist NHS children's centre close by who specialise in things such as ASD assessments and SALT.

I've tried calling but no answer as of yet so perhaps the receptionist is on a lunch break or they're busy.

I need to pop out to do some shopping so I may drop in and have a quick chat with somebody to see whether they think they'll be able to help or advise.

They do lots of things such as SALT, play therapy, groups, advice for parents etc.

I think this would be a good avenue to try?

Find out if you've a local support group as well. My ds was diagnosed at 9 after me rattling doors for years. He's now getting ready for his GCSEs this summer and a delightful chappy most of the time.