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Original poster

One of my three teens has stolen a bar of chocolate

258 replies

Member869894 · 17/02/2019 15:45

I know it sounds petty but I feel really upset - I had a big bar of chocolate in my bag to share after lunch an hour ago and now it has vanished. Stout denials all around.

I feel like throwing lunch in the bin.

It really upsets me that one of them would go through my bag and steal from me and then deny it

OP posts:
SaturdayNext · 18/02/2019 18:35

Tonight I will go home, tell them that I am hugely disappointed that someone went through my bag but that as no one has told me I cant punish them all and move on in the hope it will not happen again.

Why can't you punish them all? You warned them they would all be punished if no-one owns up, if you go back on that you'll weaken your position badly.

Whisky2014 · 18/02/2019 18:40

To agree. By not punishing them means they think they'll get away with it every time.
Id ask each of them who they thought had done it. You'll get your answer soon enough

simiisme · 18/02/2019 18:44

Some of the answers on here make it clear why we have so many teenagers with a sense of entitlement. Apparently it's OK to steal without consequences. The value of the item is irrelevant; try stealing a chocolate bar in a shop & see if they'll just let it go.
I don't agree with group punishments, but if I was 100% that something had been stolen, I'd take all 3 of them into each other's rooms for a poke around looking for signs of the chocolate.
As for 'first world problems' - pretty much everything on here is. Sounds like you need a campaigning website, not Mumsnet.

ClaraMatilda · 18/02/2019 18:48

I'm one of three siblings. If, as a teenager, one of the other two had done something and we were all punished because my parent couldn't work out which of us it was, I'd have considered it incredibly petty and vindictive and lost respect for them. Especially over something as minor as a chocolate bar.

Not punishing might make the one who did it think they got away with it.
Punishing them all will damage your relationship with the two who are innocent. It isn't their fault that the guilty party didn't own up.

BrinkPink · 18/02/2019 18:48

I don't understand group punishments, they're so stupid. The person who did it has absolutely nothing to lose by everyone getting punished and something to gain - they don't have to face the embarrassment of owning up. While the ones getting into shit unfairly will just hate you.

At school it was the top way for teachers to instantly lose respect. "Well you'll all be kept in until someone owns up!!!" Great, that will teach us all to behave well - how exactly?

jade19 · 18/02/2019 18:50

@YoThePussy You may see it as she is overreacting and may not have been as angry with your kids. However, stealing is stealing.
I would be equally as angry with my children, if they stole a chocolate bar or if they stole money from my purse, because I brought them up to know that taking things without someone's permission is wrong.

Idiota · 18/02/2019 18:51

Group punishment just teaches the two innocent ones that there’s no point being good because they’ll get punished anyway

AuntMarch · 18/02/2019 18:57

*Would one of them really sit and scoff a whole large bar of chocolate in one go?

Surely one person eating a whole large chocolate bar in one sitting is going to feel pretty sick soon after.*

You mean it's not normal to finish any bar of chocolate you open?

Tessabelle74 · 18/02/2019 19:03

I had a similar situation last week but with something of mine that had been broken, denials all round! I banned all three from all electronics and eventually one admitted he'd broken it and I explained had he told me at the time I'd have been OK but I was very mad that he'd lied to me and THAT was what he received a weeks ban in the xbox for rather than the accident

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/02/2019 19:07

Santaclarita

Its about punishing those that haven't done anything wrong. If this were a thread about a class teacher posters would be up in arms about how wrong it is to punish those that are innocent.

Because lets be honest here, the guilty party hasn't owned up. So you just have two pissed off kids that have done nothing wrong and one smug fucker that has not only gotten (it is a real word for the pedants) away with it but has managed to get two others told off for it.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2019 19:11

Jesus, , thr posters urging punishment, it's like villagers with pitch forks, they are practically salivating.

I strongly suspect the op had thought it was in thr bag and it wasn't. So none of them took it, she possibly didn't even pick it up in thr shop. It's very easily done.

Vicky1990 · 18/02/2019 19:16

Do you know it was only one of your children involved in the theft and consumption of the chocolate?.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2019 19:18

Do you know it was only one of your children involved in the theft and consumption of the chocolate?.

She doesn't even know if any of her kids stole the chocolate.

mathanxiety · 18/02/2019 19:36

A big bar of chocolate is going to make someone feel ill especially in such a short amount of time.
Not if they inherited my genes. Sadly.

YY to the 'DO NOT EAT THIS' sticky notes, Schadenfreude.
Good times Smile

TheFishInThePot · 18/02/2019 19:40

What kind of chocolate was it?

30birthdayholiday · 18/02/2019 19:41

Buy another bar and lace it with laxative and you'll soon see who the thief was/is!

Playmytune · 18/02/2019 19:43

Horrible situation op and not easy to deal with. It isn’t the bar of chocolate that is important, it’s the loss of trust. My children were always told that they would be punished if they had done wrong, but the punishment would be doubled if they didn’t admit to it.
I can remember, quite a few years ago, a payment showing on my credit card to a company I hadn’t bought anything from. I phoned up the credit card company to query the payment and soon realised that one of my sons had used my card.
When they were sitting having their tea, I said that I was having to cancel my card, due to someone obtaining my details. I carried on to say that they would have to go upstairs later on as the police were coming round to get all the details of the theft, so hopefully would find the person responsible and deal with them (I never once even suggested it was any of them). After tea I sent them all through to the living room while I stayed in the kitchen. Within 5 minutes one of my sons appeared at the door, in tears, admitting that it had been him and he was really sorry. He never, to my knowledge, done anything like it again.

JustDanceAddict · 18/02/2019 19:54

I’d be upset too but mine don’t go through my bag unless I give permission to get my purse out if I’ve said they can take a fiver.
They’ve taken chocs that I’ve put aside for a present which is a bit different, but I was pissed off at the time as they were t their usual snack.
I understand it’s the privacy thing more than the chocs, but I’d have to be 100% sure it hadn’t fallen out.

NotACleverName · 18/02/2019 20:02

Chinese burns? Laxative laced chocolate? Honest to god some of these 'helpful' suggestions are utterly fucking batshit, when the OP apparently has no concrete proof that one of her kids did take the chocolate bar.

Supermum29 · 18/02/2019 20:26

Change the WiFi password/turn it off and it stays that way until the culprit owns up! X

SonEtLumiere · 18/02/2019 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JRMisOdious · 18/02/2019 21:09

Unfortunately, rather unlikely teens will believe the police have been called over the case of the possibly missing chocolate 😂 (I know that was purely anecdotal - I hope! Just made me laugh, imagining the police response).

JRMisOdious · 18/02/2019 21:29

PrismGuile

Thank you for your kind sympathy but my child didn’t run off to join a terrorist organisation 😂 I was comparing the “crime” in question to the truly awful things that some teenagers actually do, with (I thought fairly obvious but clearly not, apologies) reference to probably the most high profile news story involving a teenager for a while, to try to introduce just a little perspective. Don’t worry, my children are fine! They know right from wrong, do not steal or, as far as I can tell, lie.
I agree with you, of course children should be reprimanded for misdemeanours but some of the suggestions on here are WAY over the top. Punishing them all without a shred of evidence? And not being completely certain anyway that any of them did it. Really? Would you consider that fair if it happened to you as an adult? We’re not living in the Roman Empire. Decimation was pretty wrong then, still is.
If you have a good relationship with your kids and they let you down, I’ve foubd that showing them just how disappointed you are is usually enough to prompt an admission and apology within a few days.
OP is clearly hugely disappointed and let down which tells me she (or he) has done a pretty remarkable job with 3 children. If this is one of the worst things they have done on their road to teenagehood, I think OP can be pretty proud of themself AND her kids who are clearly, usually pretty great. If they weren’t she wouldn’t be so upset. This is a blip. Shoe disappointment, move on.
Again apologies for confusion, I repeat, my children are not terrorists: they’re 25, 16, well adjusted, notvthieves and occupied with entirely legal activities 😁
(Sorry, that was too long)

JRMisOdious · 18/02/2019 21:31

(My spellcheck isn’t working. I must have been naughty and my husband’s turned it off).

ViolaD77 · 18/02/2019 21:35

This reminds me of the time I sold my husband's armani suit on ebay (he'd pissed me off over something) and I spent 45 minutes looking for it with him when he wanted to wear it for a special occasion 🤷🏽‍♀️ are you sure you didn't eat the chocolate? 😉