One of my three teens has stolen a bar of chocolate

[Member869894]

I know it sounds petty but I feel really upset - I had a big bar of chocolate in my bag to share after lunch an hour ago and now it has vanished. Stout denials all around.

I feel like throwing lunch in the bin.

It really upsets me that one of them would go through my bag and steal from me and then deny it

[Gth1234]

I would not dream of looking in my wife's bag without permission. Everyone's stuff in our house is safe from interference without being under lock and key (I hope!)

[WolfhoundsofLove]

I think you’re absolutely batshit.

[PennilessPaladin]

@00100001 makes an excellent point.

It's not about the chocolate it's about breach of trust.

I always made it crystal clear to my kids that if they owned up to something we'd deal with it but if they lied and I found out later there would be hell to pay

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I found it very unfair when my brother stole something and I, along with all my other siblings, were always blamed. It was always my brother. Every single time.

[TowandaForever]

I really don't understand the posters saying it's only a bar of chocolate.

It was hidden. In a handbag.

What if this happened at school? Do teenagers get to treat family worse than school mates?

Respect is respect and theft is theft.

[speakout]

Gth1234

Same in our house.
We all respect each other's privacy. Handbags, jacket pockets phones etc are out of bounds except for the owner.

[TowandaForever]

And lying is lying too!

[Asta19]

I don’t disagree with punishing the thief. I do disagree with punishing all three. Therefore, if the thief cannot be established, I think OP needs to let it go. After a talk with each one individually about how disappointed she is.

If something happens in future then deal with it another way. But it seems this is the first instance of anything like this so I would not feel at all comfortable with punishing 3 for the actions of 1.

[pigsDOfly]

Dear god I can't believe some of the advice on here: randomly punishing one of them, punishing them all. It's the sort of thing they did at my junior school 60 old years ago.

I think they need to know that you feel betrayed and disappointed that something has been stolen from you and angry that one of the rooted through your handbag, all, I'm sure you've made clear to them.

I'd tell them that if the culprit comes and talks to you on your own and explains why they did such a disrespectful thing you'll say no more about it. If the culprit does then own up I'd quietly and calmly read them the riot act and then let it go.

For god's sake don't start trying to make them tell tales on each other, you're not trying to divided and conquer. One of the things I love with my adult DCs is their loyalty to one another. I would hate to have done anything to have undermined that when they were growing up.

I'd also be making really sure it hadn't somehow fallen out of my bag somewhere.

[BlueJava]

I find it weird how you bought yourself a big bar of chocolate, hid it under a book in your bag and didn't get your kids a bar each as well! To me it seems very selfish. And "going nuclear" over a chocolate bar seems way over the top.

[youknowmedontyou]

had a big bar of chocolate in my bag to share after lunch an hour ago and now it has vanished. Stout denials all around.

@BlueJava OP said it was to share in the first post?

[FriarTuck]

A £ says it's not been stolen and has dropped out somewhere or is still in the bag and OP has missed it.

[BlueMerchant]

I'm curious what would happen if one had stolen your purse? Many teens would have got a few quid and left the chocolate. I think your kids sound like good kids.Just a bit peckish...

[wigglypiggly]

I saw a patient steal a tin of chocolates from another patients locker, he had bought them for the staff, I reported it to the nurses and rang security, meany.

[bullyingadvice2017]

My dad had a job when I was a teenager that ment he had a large amount of cash coming into the house daily mostly all small change. Hundreds of pounds kept in a box in his room. I regularly helped myself to a few quid and never got caught. Horrified by that now and would never. Admit irl.
I haven't turned into a adult thief and wouldn't worry about it meaning a criminal career.

That said if mine were to do it I'd be turning the internet off until someone owns up.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I put this out there just too point out that this has now gone so far that even if one did drop one of the other sin it, or even fess up themselves you still wouldn't know if they were telling the truth.

One of my siblings would regularly steal things from my parents, we would all get told off until the "culprit" came forward.

My sibling would wait until we were separated and then lie about me stealing whatever it was.

I would then get the full force of punishment from my parents, for stealing, for lying, for making the other suffer any punishment when I was to blame. I have never forgiven my sibling or parents for this.

[chocolatecake08]

Have you miss placed it??

[pigsDOfly]

I'd assume I'd lost it myself before I accused anyone else. Things seem to disappear all the time in my life.

I went shopping once, put some stuff in the boot of the car and couldn't find some of the smaller things when I got home. Was about to ring the shop to see if I'd left them there when I remembered in the past that something had slipped down into the gap where the spare wheel is, and sure enough there it was.

My mobile is always disappearing. I've lost count of the times I've dug through my handbag, not found it, hunted in the house getting more and more annoyed only to ring it and find the ringtone coming from the depths of my handbag.

[HaventGotAllDay]

Just when I think MN is getting sane again, up pops a thread like this.
The totally irrelevant anecdotes about people stealing things from strangers, or stealing money are pointless. Someone stole my lunch from work and yes, I was cross because it wasn't a milky way and it wasn't my kid that took it.
All this angst for a bar of chocolate?
Do you all label your yoghurts when you put them in the fridge?
The kids are probably denying it because they're sitting there going "woooooooah, this reaction is batshit".

[Limensoda]

get a grip my brother use to steal money out of my mums purse. Its only a chocolate bar!

What a fucking awful attitude!
So there are things that it's ok to steal and things that aren't?
We can all just pop into a shop, lift a bar of chocolate and tell the assistant to get a grip when they try to stop us?

[pigsDOfly]

It don't think it's the bar of chocolate, as such, Havent. Wouldn't you be annoyed if someone rooted through your handbag and took something without asking?

To most women their handbag is private. At the very least it's disrespectful.

[Limensoda]

find it weird how you bought yourself a big bar of chocolate, hid it under a book in your bag and didn't get your kids a bar each as well! To me it seems very selfish. And "going nuclear" over a chocolate bar seems way over the top

Well she didn't buy it for herself did she?!
But if she had that's not selfish. You can have something for yourself without having to include your kids all the time.
OP didn't go nuclear over a chocolate bar, she went nuclear over someone going in her bag and stealing ffs!

[Asta19]

When I was about 8 or 9 we lived in a village, little local shop and my mum would often buy things “on tick” and settle up on a Friday. I started going in after school getting sweets and asking the shopkeeper to put them on my mums bill took her a while to suss it out! Anyway, it had far more of an effect on me when she told me how disappointed she was and how it had impacted on her food budget, than any punishment would have done. I never did anything like that again.

[ErickBroch]

The wifi idea is brilliant!

[Rockbird]

I'd change the WiFi. It's got nothing to do with chocolate. It's to do with trust and poking their noses into something that's none of their business.