Mother said she’s embarrassed of our rental status

[Blackcelebration73]

My mother told me yesterday that she’s embarrassed of our status as renters. Her husbands kids have just bought an expensive big house for a million quid. She’s ashamed that we never bought and we live in a tiny rental house.
I don’t even know what to say I am so shocked she’d verbalise this.
Aibu to be shocked? It’s really made me feel shit/ a failure etc.

I'd tell her I was embarrassed to have a parent who was so shallow and vain!

Tell her if she wants to buy you a house crack on otherwise keep her ignorant opinons to herself

Get her to pull a deposit out her arse and shut up.
How rude of her.
You can't magically be able to buy an expensive home.

It goes both ways; tell her she's a failure for being such a coarse cow. Tell her she's embarrassing for being so rude. See how she reacts when you tell her you're ashamed to have her for a parent.

To be honest, if you judge anyone by the home they own, you're a bit of a arsehead and probably aren't happy at all with your own life.

There are so many situations where the phrase "get away to fuck" is appropriate. This is one of them.

Tell her

1. Nearly 40% of.British homes are rentals.
2. Only around a third of people in the 25 - 34 years age bracket are homeowners
3. She can cough up £35k for a deposit for you if she's that fussed.

Ask her when she’s going to give you the deposit for a house, and point out that you’re embarrassed that she hasn’t done her parently duty and contributed yet.

She sounds like a bit of an idiot tbh - does she often say twatty stuff like that, or is this unusual for her?

Tell her unless she can pony up the deposit there’s little else you can do.
The fact is renting is very common as a lot of people don’t have the funds for a house deposit, and paying high rents can means it’s hard to save - creating something of a cycle.
People need a place to live and if they can’t buy then the need to rent. People who are snobby or pretentious about renting are utterly pathetic and if something like this genuinely brings her shame she must live a very small, quite sad life.

@tyrions she is obsessed with our housing status but has never given me a penny to help (not that I would expect it anyway obviously)- we were living abroad when prices went mad & are just priced out. I feel like i constantly have to justify my life to her

Tell her to buy you a house then like most of the other people who managed to get a deposit.

Or (jokingly!)

“I know, isn’t it terrible. Drink your tea and arsenic now mum, I’ve got an inheritage to cash in for my new house”

Inheritance, obviously

We lived abroad when the house prices went up too and are still renting. It takes a long time to save because rent prices are extortionate!

How rude of her to say that. She should be proud she has a daughter who can look after herself and isn't dependent on her as an adult because there's a lot of adults who still live with their parents!

The very first post says it all. Tell your MOTHER that you are embarrassed to have a mother who is so shallow and vain and RUDE.

How LOVELY that your mother's partner's adult child was able to buy a MILLION POUND HOUSE.

FFS

I don't know a SOUL who could do that. I know people who are vicars, clergypeople, head of doctor practice, head teacher, IT specialists, uni lecturers, dentists, and all manner of jobs that pay top whack. Not ONE of them lives in a big fancy house. (5 bed detached cottage worth £500K is the most expensive North midlands.) The other lives in homes worth £400, down to £200K. A million? Where is that then?

Something not right here.

Don't feel bad OP. Nothing wrong with renting. And it does NOT make you a better person if you're a homeowner/mortgage owner!

SHOULD read.. (at the end of the longest paragraph,) 'the others live in homes worth £400K, down to £200K.'

Exactly Cherrypie. ‘We’ll buy when you die and I inherit’
I assume your mother bought the house she’s in with cash she’d earned,and didn’t just piggyback on a richer partner.

@red they live in London & work in the city in private banking so are very well off. Huge bonuses etc so have a lot more money. It’s a different world to us

London houses in our little suburb are a million pounds and aren’t even anywhere near fancy. Ours was over half a mil and is a very standard terraced 3 bed.

Would she be happy with you all moving in with her to save a deposit? Doubt it. All the people I know who have bought houses lived at home till mid 30’s. DP included!

Oh that's nothing mines totally ashamed I'm in social housing....the shame......🙄apparently I'm the only one in the family who is ..... she's a cunt

I don't know a single person, including me, who was able to buy without either a cash gift, an inheritance, or years living with parents rent free. None of those make us any better than someone who didn't have one of those options. Your mother is being an arse.

She sounds like a complete bitch.

Great news imo.
You never have to invite her to visit.

Aww, that's why the house is a bit pricey then. Even so, most people (even working in London) can't actually afford a million pound house.

Don' know what to suggest OP, other than to be as nasty back, and say (as someone suggested,) 'I am waiting for you to die so I can get your money! THEN I will buy!'

I suspect you won't though, coz you sound nice.

You have my sympathy, some people (even MOTHERS) can be fucking cruel.

Well if the house in question cost a million quid, then they must be making some serious money.

Presumably you havent bought your own house because for whatever reason you can't afford to.

Her embarrassment isn't because you rent your home, for example, you could be "between" mansions and waiting for the builders to finish, hence why you are currently renting.

No, her embarrassment is because she thinks you dont earn enough money in comparison to her husbands kids.

No idea why, there are infinite reasons, opportunity, education, luck.

Next time she complains about your "lowly status" just reply

"Well, a childs chances of success are mostly dependent on the quality of parenting they received, clearly you failed as a parent, please dont project your feelings of negativity onto me, have you tried counselling?".

@iam I have 2 kids and am in early 40s. I can’t see me ever buying now without an inhertance. We have a good life though- my DP can’t get a mortgage as self employed etc etc. Just trying to give my kids the best life possible.

I feel like I constantly have to justify my life to her
You don't.
And...you don't.
You REALLY don't.
It's YOUR life.

Tbh, if my mother said something like that to me, I'd probably retort that I was embarrassed of her mental status.