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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother said she’s embarrassed of our rental status

84 replies

Blackcelebration73 · 17/02/2019 10:35

My mother told me yesterday that she’s embarrassed of our status as renters. Her husbands kids have just bought an expensive big house for a million quid. She’s ashamed that we never bought and we live in a tiny rental house.
I don’t even know what to say I am so shocked she’d verbalise this.
Aibu to be shocked? It’s really made me feel shit/ a failure etc.

OP posts:
petmad · 17/02/2019 11:00

tell her shes quiet welcome to buy you a house also at least youve got a roof over youre head some people arent as lucky theres worst things to be embaraased about she needs to get a life.

MildlyMiserable · 17/02/2019 11:03

Tell your Mandy arse Mum you’re living your life the way you want - not the way she does 😉

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 17/02/2019 11:03

Your mother is rude OP but I just wanted to say that it's a mumsnet myth that self employed people can't get mortgages. They can and do all the time.

sweetysweet · 17/02/2019 11:04

Aww Thanks that's so awful. Tell her to do
One!

MildlyMiserable · 17/02/2019 11:04

*Mardy - blinking autocorrect!

StillMedusa · 17/02/2019 11:06

I have my 26 ,25 and 22 year old still living with me.. why... guess what..they can't afford to buy a house! (Oxfordshire) They all work hard..ds1 works 3 jobs, but they don't have a chance with house prices round here .
DS1 is going to Australia hopefully the end of the year (waiting for couples visa) and DD2 is moving to rent after next Xmas, but there is no way any of them could buy...we haven't money to offer them sadly.

In many countries renting is the norm anyway! Your Mum needs to wind her neck in!

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 17/02/2019 11:06

@dragonflyinn I suspect the people who are bitchy to you about living in social housing are jealous of your security, low-rent, good repairs, and tenancy for life.

I'm not saying everyone is jealous, but the ones who are spiteful certainly are. A friend of mine recently acquired a little 2 bed bungalow in a village, tenancy for life, bus to the main town every 1.5 hours, a little shop, hobby groups, a pub, and all her repairs and maintenance done, usually within a week or two. (or immediately if it is an emergency,) and all for £67 a week rent. The village has 90 homes, and only 15 are social housing. The H.A. bought them some 2 decades ago to add to their housing stock. It's effing lovely. 10 minutes walk to the river, and on the cusp of the Welsh border.

She has several people in her life (extended family - one cousin, and her husband's brother's wife,) and a so-called friend, AND a colleague too,) who have been making bitchy, spiteful remarks since the day she moved in. They couldn't BE more jealous. From 'chavs live in social housing don't they?' to 'oh are you happy with the taxpayer supporting your lifestyle?'

The taxpayer does not. Both my friend and her husband pay full rent, and the houses are subsidised by peoples rents!!! Nothing comes from the taxpayer.

Jealousy, that's what it is.

Can't explain why the OP's mother is being so vile. Toxic bint.

dragonflyinn10 · 17/02/2019 11:10

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 trouble is the one who is utterly toxic about it is my own mother! But then that's a whole thread on the stately homes board!!! The thing is we do our own repairs (dp a builder)pay full rent and council tax she's just a spiteful bastard and always will be

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 17/02/2019 11:10

I'm sorry your mother said something so vile. I would struggle to be able to speak to her after this.

I think you need to turn it on its head as others have said. Don't give her any power over you. Say that unless her attitude improves you want nothing to do with her, which should be easy for her as you are such a disappointment.

People who think money/ status is everything lead very shallow lives.

ivykaty44 · 17/02/2019 11:11

What’s the percentage of first time buyers being given the deposit by their parents? I would think it’s quite high, as said parents have made money from the housing market their children are struggling to join

But tbh I would be embarrassed & saddened to have a parent that didn’t see me as a person and was concerned about my housing status.

Out of curiosity what has your mother achieved in her life? Some great high powered job/business? Charity work? Volunteering? Fostering? What has she accomplished

NunoGoncalves · 17/02/2019 11:15

I genuinely would tell her that I'm embarrassed that she cares. What a dick.

AgentJohnson · 17/02/2019 11:16

Tell her that you’re embarrassed that she thought it ok to broadcast her shallowness.

The only embarrassment here is being related to such a tone deaf, shallow, elitist.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 17/02/2019 11:17

@dragonflyinn Flowers

Drum2018 · 17/02/2019 11:18

Wow. I'd be raging. Tell her you are embarrassed that she's such a snobby bitch but you put up with her anyway.

Teddysmum7 · 17/02/2019 11:18

She needs to stop worrying about what other people are doing and get real

Londonmummy66 · 17/02/2019 11:19

Ask her how she would feel if you were to tell her you are really embarrassed that you are renting because your mother is so poor she hasn't been able to stump up a shed load of cash to put you on the property ladder as lots of your friends parents have?

Aeroflotgirl · 17/02/2019 11:19

I would be maintaining a cool distance with her tbh. If she is so concerned, she should put her hand in her pocket, but she is not!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 17/02/2019 11:20

Next time tell her you are waiting for your inherentance

BlueJava · 17/02/2019 11:20

Parents can be weird about stuff - but it's none of their business. My parents were extremely critical when we moved house recently - but nothing to do with them at all. Actually we (me, DH and 2 DS) think our new space is much better for us. Ignore your mother, what counts is - are you and your family happy - by which I eamn the people that live in the house!

Raspberry10 · 17/02/2019 11:22

Just say you’re waiting on your inheritance to buy one Wink Honesty what is wrong with some people? Flowers to you and ignore her Mrs Bouquet tendencies.

Springwalk · 17/02/2019 11:22

The only failure is your mothers values. How dare she make you feel so bad.
It is just a house!
Stop listening to hyacinth bucket and be happy anyway. In spite of her mean comments, learn to laugh at her and not take it to heart.
I am sure she says horrible things to your siblings too

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 17/02/2019 11:28

'I'm embarrassed that you're so shallow you're ashamed of having healthy adult children with good jobs.'

You need to get to the STately Homes threads so you can start learning to distance yourself from her toxic behaviour.

Hairyporker · 17/02/2019 11:31

Tell her you're embarrassed by the stench of piss that follows her from room to room.

dragonflyinn10 · 17/02/2019 11:31

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 💕 and 💐💐to people with judgy mums who don't have the right to be!!! Happy Sunday all xxx

snowbear66 · 17/02/2019 11:33

It was really horrible of your mother to say this, I rent, and you have to put up with enough social stigma from people outside your family rather from the inside.
I think I would have to revisit the subject with her and get some kind of apology, for the relationship to continue.