To think there's too much focus on emotional support instead of practical support?

[Seline]

Just something I've been pondering.

Whenever anyone is upset or had had a negative ecperience, everyone asks if they want to talk about it or says they'll be there for the person. On a larger scale people are recommended counselling when struggling with certain situations or negative thoughts, and support groups, networks etc all exist to provide emotional support. Helplines, forums etc.

But what about practical support? Very few people will say "wow that's crap you feel rubbish. Why not go and treat yourself, I'll do your shopping for you and cook you a meal while you relax". There are no organisations to offer cleaning services to those too depressed to get out of bed, or free last minute childcare to those facing an emergency, or to run errands for someone who's too anxious to deal with going outside that day. There's nothing to offer for people who are mentally well but have lots of things on their plate and need an extra set of hands to prevent them crashing.

There's only an offer to talk about it.

Wondering if there's a gap in the market for voluntary work here!

Ha. People don’t want to actually DO anything!

There is practical support via Charities. Likewise Home Start or a Health Visitor can help to get stuff in place.

Have you tried to access practical help?

Yeah that's the impression I get. People want to pay lip service and pat themselves on the back lol.

It's not for me as such.it's something I would've found useful at university when I had bad anxiety but instead everyone just kept asking if i wanted to talk. It's something I've been thinking about because there's a lot more awareness of mental health issues now but it seems support is very much geared to talking about it.

YANBU! I get this a lot myself. I could use some serious practical support with my autistic son, but that's not ever forthcoming, just 'You sound depressed, have you tried counselling?' 'Actually, what would really help is some respite care . . . ' Silence.

You see it on social media, too, usually in relation to people who are suicidal. 'Talk! Get help!' when, due to a severe bereavement and having a child with SN, I've come to know quite a few people whose mental health could have been vastly improved by serious practical support. But nope, it's 'Get help! Talk!'

Possibly because 'having a rest/Spa day' etc doesn't get down to the real issues.

Get people to a level were they can function and manage their lives and they won't need help again.

Put a sticking plaster over it and they'll continue to suffer.

In a way, the way to get over anxiety is to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. Take over someone's life and they stay stuck.

In some situations, like having too many physical demands, from young children, that's when practical help is of benefit.

@seline because at University you needed to learn resilience. If someone had done that for you then you never would've. If you'd learned it earlier on you wouldn't have ever needed it at Uni either. The real world is shit most of the time. Peole have to learn to deal and cope with that.

*people too

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend, is there no respite available in your area? Or do you want Friends and Family to provide it? If you don't have a child with SN (I have two), it can be a daunting proposition.

‘A little help is worth more than a lot of pity.‘

Yes I know what you mean. I just posted on a thread about counselling and several posters did not feel better after counselling (me included) and some felt worse.

Five I have ADHD. I didn't need to learn resilience I needed someone to help me organise tasks.

Taima couldn't agree more.

Birds depends what the issue is. My point is that pushing talking about it as a suitable solution to every single stress related issue is too blunt an approach

Absolutely right op! Definitely lots of need and openings for this type of support.

I'm sure Macmillan do good work but when they visited my elderly parents (my father was dying of oesophageal cancer at the time) my mother asked if there was anyone available to help with chores such as bed changing and floor washing but the Macmillan nurse was only interested in talking about "feelings". And my mother ended up making her a cup of tea as well!

Yes the kids and I desperately need practical help and there is nothing. I get pushed from one organisation to another and we are still stuck in horrendous situation at home.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend, is there no respite available in your area? Or do you want Friends and Family to provide it?

No, there isn't except for those with quite severe/non-verbal autism and that is being cut a lot. Many councils are no longer able to provide services for a lot of things and if you haven't got the money to buy it, or you live rurally, it's simply not there. We have no family nearby and what family we have are in bad health and yeah, friends are really jumping over themselves to babysit a child with PDA symptoms.

‘A little help is worth more than a lot of pity.‘

Exactly!

I sometimes think it would help me. I have a son with additional needs (likely asd and ADHD possible) and two preemies. Someone to Hoover up while I take the kids to various appointments would be a godsend on our busy weeks!

We ought to start a charity. The rolled up sleeves brigade.

I usually bring meals to people who I know are struggling. I also offer to pick up shopping for my MIL, SIL, friend with depression when I was going over. I offers to take neighbours and family members kids when they were ill.

Maybe people just don’t think to offer these things?

Yes, but who are all these people who have time to help other people, who are physically well.

Just to point out though, and not everyone can afford a couple of bottles of wine a week (but many can), a cleaner costs the same as a couple of bottles of wine a week. I’m amazed more people don’t use them to reduce the mental burden of housework when they’re struggling.

Tabby, you make time. What worth is life without using it to support others. Honestly. People find time to watch Netflix and play game consoles. They often just don’t want to put themselves out for another person.

I think partly what you're describing is occupational therapy: someone to collaborate with the person to figure out how to get the stuff done that they want/need/have to do, bearing in mind the indivudual barriers they face.

But I do also think that a service that does some of the stuff for you when you're not able to even make a first step is missing sometimes too.

And of course respite is key as well

This whole "raising awareness" campaign is irritating the f*ck out of me. Where I currently live the only NHS help is short term CBT and I've been waiting a year already for the telephone assessment... there is sod all help for those that are already well aware that they need help.

Until there is a huge increase in funding instead of it being cut why raise awareness what does it achieve?