To think there's too much focus on emotional support instead of practical support?

[Seline]

Just something I've been pondering.

Whenever anyone is upset or had had a negative ecperience, everyone asks if they want to talk about it or says they'll be there for the person. On a larger scale people are recommended counselling when struggling with certain situations or negative thoughts, and support groups, networks etc all exist to provide emotional support. Helplines, forums etc.

But what about practical support? Very few people will say "wow that's crap you feel rubbish. Why not go and treat yourself, I'll do your shopping for you and cook you a meal while you relax". There are no organisations to offer cleaning services to those too depressed to get out of bed, or free last minute childcare to those facing an emergency, or to run errands for someone who's too anxious to deal with going outside that day. There's nothing to offer for people who are mentally well but have lots of things on their plate and need an extra set of hands to prevent them crashing.

There's only an offer to talk about it.

Wondering if there's a gap in the market for voluntary work here!

I’ve just been reading the autobiography of a Health Visitor in the 1950/60’s, when the HV profession was changing from the old ‘Sanitary Inspector’ type role to a more modern approach with a specific six month training. The HV was responsible for all the children up to five years old and elderly people in her ‘patch’. She was able to assign home-helps to new mums and elderly people who needed a bit of help. The District Nursing Services has nursing auxiliary’s (often nicknamed Bath Nurses) who are assigned to visit any elderly person or chronically or terminally ill person who needed assistance with washing/bathing. DN regularly visited post-op patients, even where the person was mobile.
These services continued well into the 1970/80’s in some areas.
Then demand rose and staff numbers fell. Services changed. It’s like they replaced the physical care needs with emotional care instead of addressing the fact that both need care.
Agree with pp’s that British Red Cross does a great deal of support of vulnerable people in the UK. Good organisation to be a volunteer for.

Homestart volunteers do offer practical support I think.
I think the problem is people are worried about creating dependency so making things worse in the long run.

YANBU. Problems can often be solved if other people help out. Endless talk and no action is pointless.

For those asking about why people haven't asked for practical support, my experience is that it's very very difficult to find that, and relatively easy to find someone who will come round and tell you to do things. Which might be helpful for someone who is just overwhelmed and needs a hand hold and proverbial boot up the rear, but not much use when you want to do it but physically can't.

In a general sort of way, our society tends to dismiss “manual” or “physical” labour and overvalue “intellectual” labour.

All of us have huge needs for manual and physical labour just to get through the day and being tired and unable to clean/cook/garden/shop/run errands/do laundry/keep oneself clean/take care of DC can be overwhelming and depressing. It’s not helpful to talk about it. It’s helpful to have someone do it!

Agreed Maria.

I have a relative who is considerably less academic than I am (she's not stupid at all just more practical) but she can organise s household in twenty minutes flat. Her skills are far more useful than mine. I'm good at debating, essay writing and retaining information. All this makes me interesting to talk to for five minutes but is of no use to me daily!

Hire a cleaner. Nobody will clean your house for free just to be helpful!
Or join a local skills barter scheme eg they mow your lawn you babysit for them or whatever.
Outsourcing household tasks costs!

Op if you have 2 prem babies have you thought of having a nursery nurse on placement? I had one 2 days per week for 6 months was really helpful (but they don't hoover!)

Hollow someone mentioned this to me recently and I'm considering it. An extra pair of hands (and eyes!) is useful!

Family might, or friends, which was more the original point of the OP.

I know lots of families where their mums and dads help out with stuff, I think it's really good.

Meanwhile I asked my mum if she would keep an eye on the baby for 30 mins while I had a nap while we were at her house and she said no, no-one helped me when I had my kids.

I do think that in society in general the idea that we keep totally to oursleves and only help ourselves is a real problem and of course that due to house prices and whathaveyou people are moving so much that communities lose their cohesion. No-one's looking out for each other so much, in a lot of areas.

I have offered practical help to my friends, albeit only occasionally as it's not the norm in our culture is it.

The idea that no-one can or should have any help unless they pay is a bit grim to my mind.

A lot of people get in all sorts of situations where they just aren't able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever. And a little helping hand can go a long way.

Do it! Seriously they can't be left in sole charge of babies (you can't go out and leave them with babies) but it makes such a massive difference to have another person to feed them, change them, play with them, do bottles, etc. I found it a godsend, I cried when mine finished her placement with me. I also paid her to babysit after the placement.

Hollow that would be amazing. I just need an "assistant" who can say, comfort one baby while I'm feeding the other or change them while I'm playing with DS1, wash bottles when they won't lie down etc. I'm always saying I wish I had a little sister!

Where do I go about finding one?

So many good points on this thread. I live abroad and am recovering from an op currently, but I am definitely going to look in to the activities of the Red Cross in my country when I'm better, as a result of this discussion.

I also would be interested in starting a sort of (non-intrusive) street watch sort of thing for elderly neighbours. I agree with pps who say it is hard to ask for this sort of help though. That's definitely a problem that needs to be overcome somehow. Facebook wouldn't be the correct medium here as very few of the elderly are on line.

Also agree with pps who say we mahoosively under-value physical work like this (I wonder by any chance if that is because it is usually done by women???) Also with those who say that volunteers need to work to their strengths. Some people are great at objective focused practical tasks. Others are better at listening.

Op I hope you get the support you need. And hats off to you for coping thus far.

You ring the local college that does nursery nursing courses and offer a placement. I think they called cache courses now.

Cheers I'll try that Hollow. We've been alright until now but my eldest has cut his hours at nursery due to having meltdowns so will be really useful!

The problem with surestart is that if you live in a bad area (aka lots of issues) then there's no support if you're vaguely coping as they're too busy.

I had PND (moderate to severe when I got assessed, stopped engaging completely when it got worse) and they had nothing available as DS was still being taken care of.