To think there's too much focus on emotional support instead of practical support?

[Seline]

Just something I've been pondering.

Whenever anyone is upset or had had a negative ecperience, everyone asks if they want to talk about it or says they'll be there for the person. On a larger scale people are recommended counselling when struggling with certain situations or negative thoughts, and support groups, networks etc all exist to provide emotional support. Helplines, forums etc.

But what about practical support? Very few people will say "wow that's crap you feel rubbish. Why not go and treat yourself, I'll do your shopping for you and cook you a meal while you relax". There are no organisations to offer cleaning services to those too depressed to get out of bed, or free last minute childcare to those facing an emergency, or to run errands for someone who's too anxious to deal with going outside that day. There's nothing to offer for people who are mentally well but have lots of things on their plate and need an extra set of hands to prevent them crashing.

There's only an offer to talk about it.

Wondering if there's a gap in the market for voluntary work here!

I volunteer for a charity and the focus is very much on the practical as well as emotional support in a crisis. We rock up usually at house fires. I’m very good at the cup of tea and sympathy but we’re also geared up to do all the practical things - spare clothes, shoes, toothbrush, dog leads, how to get medications etc. I wish we had more funding to expand really. We also do lots in the community about loneliness etc but that service is more short term aimed at building resilience and confidence rather than specific practical tasks.

A team of volunteers, perhaps associated with a bereavement charity or a carers support one; would be wonderful to occasionally descend on someone’s house to do some cleaning, shopping; all the nitty chores that fall by the wayside.

a cleaner costs the same as a couple of bottles of wine a week

On what planet? I can get two bottles of plonk for £9. As it is I can't afford that so I make my own.

I love how 'get a cleaner' is bandied around. In some places you'd be lucky to find someone for less than £10/hour and they want 2 hour blocks at a minimum.

I know quite a few retired people in their early sixties who have energy and could volunteer.

It's not easy though. I think to an extent, except for the exceptional few, volunteers bring their own problems. I'm lucky to be having family visit to help me at the moment (recovering from operation) and you need to be able to show them how stuff works, explain what needs doing and how, allow for various foibles. I think someone with severe depression would find it difficult tbh.

That's not to say a charity doing this would be a bad idea though! Not at all! But people would need a bit of training to be efficient and sensitive, not just go barging in as it were!

@Dyrne That sounds like an amazing organisation! Do you mind sharing the name, or PMing it to me? No worries if you'd rather not!

We live in a super emotional age. Emotions matter more than practical things.

Hospital screws up in 6 different ways in treatment of a patient. Health professionals do everything they can to fix the mistakes..
"But I didn't get an apology!" is all the patient's family has to say.

Or Prince Philip (seems to have) caused that accident.
"But I didn't get an apology!" is chief complaint.

Experts warn that Brexit will cause economic damage.
"But sovereignty feels so good!"

etc.

Not everyone buys £4.50 bottles of wine. As is proven by the vast amount of bottles available for upwards of £8. £20 a week is affordable to plenty of people who are struggling (though as I said it’s not affordable to everyone, sane as many things). It really does help life a lot to have one. But that’s fine, just dismiss the thought despite an out of control and dirty home compounding the distress of people who are struggling.

It’s really not that much of a mind stretch to understand that some people can actually afford a cleaner and that it’s a relevant suggestion among all the other good suggestions.

Hi @SleeplessAndHopeless ; happy to share as it’s a national charity so not exactly outing - it’s the British Red Cross! People always just think we do either first aid or just foreign aid but we do a lot in the UK too; from giving people lifts to/from hospital; to loaning medical equipment; to tackling loneliness; to what we call “crisis response”; which is where we link up with the emergency services and get called out if there’s a need for extra support.

I think RandomMess makes a good point too. I think this lack of prwatical action (lack of money) is a disease that is affecting the entire nation and UK ATM. Councils, health trusts, government hold endless investigations and produce endless reports but then nothing is actually done! Why indeed raise awareness if you are not actually going to do anything about a problem?

Thank you, @Dyrne! Going fo research my local branches now

But that’s fine, just dismiss the thought despite an out of control and dirty home compounding the distress of people who are struggling.

A regular cleaner's not going to touch a home like that in the first place if it's that out of control. You'd need to first have a professional deep clean and that will cost more and struggling people are usually quite low-income as well.

LOL @ £20/week being easily affordable for struggling people to throw at a cleaner.

YANBU. I'm sick of talking about my problems ad finitum, as if that's supposed to magic them away. What I need is practical support, and luckily I am receiving that.

There are a multitude of issues I have in my life right now which cannot be solved by just 'talking about it'. People can be selfish sods, more so people who have minimal issues to deal with. They'd rather you bare your soul so they can see just how pitiful and weak you are, than actually HELP build you up.

No wonder there are so many depressed and anxious people in this country, there is no sense of community spirit/unity.

Auntypatricia.....I make time for myself after working full time and running a household. I make time for my children because that's my job. I make time for my sick husband who can't help out. I have no time spare to go and make someone else's beds or get their shopping, when actually they can do it themselves.

DDs friend was recently in a difficult situation. I’m proud her and her friends went round fully armed and cleaned the flat, washed the bedding, mopped floors and changed light bulbs. I stayed home and batched cooked 3 weeks worth of meals for his freezer. Another friend did a grocery shop curtesy of her parents.
There are some willing to give practical help and support.

I’d love to see more community groups set up. I don’t think I’m able to set up and run a group right now but I would be able and willing to join and help. I’m often looking online for a local buddy system where I could identify an old person needing help or company, or would love if there was social things that brought local people needing support together. I feel like everything now is about the self. A local class costs money and is just about improving yourself, not becoming part of anything.

Idk - the aim is to get someone better so they can do things for themselves. And it could take their confidence away even further to take responsibility away.
I say this as someone who's had some huge mh probs over the years.

A charity that provides a cleaning service to those in need is a great idea.

Carers, disabled adults, elderly, injured, depressed, mental health problems.

It would definitely take the pressure off for alot of people.

My ds is disabled and sometimes it's like I don't get a minute to myself and it can make me feel low. Even someone coming round to play with him for an hour would be nice.

Tabby, I think we’re talking about people who can’t do it for themselves because they are mentally unwell. But you asked who are these people with time? They are the people who make time. It’s not easy to help others, I’m guilty of rarely ding it due to my busy life. But that’s who does it. The people who make time.

I totally agree. There have been dark times in my life where the kids and I desperately needed practical support. Talking really doesn't help sometimes. It doesn't change the practicalities of the situation when you're in the grips of endogenous depression.

I never hesitate to offer practical support to people if I'm able

What about Homestart? Their volunteers go into homes one day a week for 10 months or a year and provide assistance to families. I think you have to have a child under school age to qualify. The volunteers have to complete a 8 or 12 week training programme.

Yes but auntypatricia...you say that as if we should all make time, without appreciating that we can't all do that. I've possibly fell into the category of people who needed help recently, but the last thing I wanted was a group of people coming into my house making me feel bad about that too. I preferred to run the show so to speak myself and keep things running in my own way, which in itself is a great healer. Just because people may have mental health issues doesn't mean they can't change the beds or clean their house.

Oh & I am not a Homestart volunteer but I do drop meals off for people I know who are having a hard time, I’ve also helped sort houses out before they go on the market or when couples are divorcing (neutral friend). But I can do this because I have an ‘easy’ life, I appreciate that this is unusual and makes me v fortunate.

I think you make a good point. There are different sorts of people, some who are good listeners and some who are good doers. My dsis is like a tornado through a house that needs an overhaul.. She can bring incredible order in one hour. But she doesn't really do listening. So people like her in a practical charity that you could call on would be great. She does do it for neighbours but she is not shy to offer. Some people might manage better doing it through a charity group.
My ds who is a student does a buddy system with teens with disabilities. To give both teens and families a break they bring them out to cinema or hot choc or go to a centre to play xbox etc. They all have the same buddy every week. He definitely isn't one for listening at this stage of his life but loves he can do something concrete that teen enjoys. ( And so does he)

Home-Start offer practical support if that's what is needed. A good scheme will tailor the support they offer to suit the families needs.

There are countless other organisations out there offering similar support to different groups.

I completely agree OP. I have children with autism and I became get up with professionals etc who wanted to chat to me and drink cups of tea in my living room but had absolutely nothing to offer in practical terms. I have had to fight for actual useful support like respite. I even lost patience with a local autism charity that only did supposed signposting and info and support. They were not involved in one single practical service which is utter rubbish.

Where I live there is such a service but you need to access it following a referral from the CMHRS, and the support focuses on ‘doing with’ and encouraging the person to achieve goals rather than taking over and ‘doing for’
There are also some care agencies that specialise in provinding this type of support, and if someone has eligible social care needs due to mental health or learning disabilities this type of care can be set up.