Hosting - Is this CFery?

[ChampagneMamaBear]

Hi all NC’d this post as I know the women are on here.

Ok, so I have a group of 3 friends and we are all in a chat together. I like all the girls and we get on well. However this has been annoying me so much recently - whenever something is suggested it is just expected to be at my house? Even when they want to do something it’ll just be expected to be at my place - I won’t even have invited them.

So at Christmas we decided we would all get together and have a dinner together. I agreed saying it would be nice to have a meal all together. The day before one girl (let’s call her Helen) put a message in the chat asking what time I wanted everyone? I didn’t even know it was expected for me to have everyone round and cook ANOTHER Christmas dinner for them? It annoyed me, I said I wasn’t hosting and they all went into a strop about how we had to go out for a meal now and they were skint? No thought for me when they were expecting me to buy everything and cook for them all - it was actually cheaper for me to go out!!!

This stuck in my mind and then yesterday I checked the group chat after work to see a load of messages.
Helen again had suggested as the weather is getting nicer we should all have a BBQ. Everyone sending in messages agreeing and the last message was from another girl saying “champagne???? We need to know when we’re coming to yours for the BBQ so we can put it in the diary”

WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE AT MY HOUSE?!
Is it just me who thinks if you suggest an event, you’re offering to host? Not ‘I wanna do this, you host an event to facilitate that’

It’s really pissed me off and I haven’t replied as I feel like they take the piss all the time. They can see I’ve read the chat and now Helen has text me privately saying “you’ve seen the chat, so when’s the BBQ then?”

ARGH FUCK OFF

"Fantastic. When's the bbq? I've always fancied having a bbq at home where someone else brings all the food and cooks it, setting up and clearing away at the end while I get to sit and drink champagne! Which one of you is cooking or are you hiring a private chef for the event? Ooooh I can't wait!"

Omg that is horrendous behaviour from so called friends. I used to host regularly at my house as I was single and without kids so it was handy in that way . They would come to mine but always bring starters, desserts and plenty of wine coz that is what friends do.

Great update OP

Helen, if you're reading. Your house probably isn't that great, oh and your BF probably isn't either if you feel you can't relax anywhere else or rather trash it.

You are a mean girl.

This all seems to be unfolding very quickly

what massive CF’s!
I’d tell them they’re freeloaders.

Invite them round the kick them all in their foofs.

How long have you known these ladies?
Sounds really like they have no qualms about putting you in an uncomfortable position: not very friend like behaviour at all.
I’m really surprised that not one of them consider it an imposition when you have said quite clearly about going to someone else’s.
Honestly, I really wonder whether there should be mandatory courses for self awareness, what planet are they on?

I'd put Helen's private message on the group chat and add "I will not be continuing to host, pay for and clean up after your jollies. You can pick the next least nice house to descend upon!" And then leave the group!

Perfect

Yeah they are awful well done for leaving the chat.

I rarely host because I have older, nosey kids and dp hanging about whereas my bf has just get and son so we generally always go there as she doesn't need to get a sitter (saves them for nights out) and we can bitch /gossip to our hearts content. The difference being we all pay for the meal, we all bring booze/snacks so no one is out of pocket.

These people are freeloaders not friends!

If they are on MN, they will likely see the thread anyway... Name change or not...

They are not your friends, but cheeky users, and I would ditch the lot of them. I would be blunt and honest and tell them that you are fed up of hosting them, you don't like it and you cannot afford it, and in the future on of them should host as it is their turn now.

Good on you, they are not friends but users.

Rude fuckers, i hope they are reading this. Well done on leaving the chat.

Are they at the least suggesting that they will bring food and you just supply the venue?

What happened with the Christmas meal? Did you end up hosting and supplying the food.

Gosh, what a crazy half an hour for you, OP.

I’ve left the chat and won’t be hosting them ever again.

This is perfect and if they contact you through any other means just ignore it! Then post a BBQ with others friends on social media at your house and do #friendswhoappreciateme #greatfriends #friendshipgoals

I would be tempted to rejoin the group and message something like 'Hey actually i will be hosting a BBQ, thanks for the great idea. Shame none of you CF's will be invited tho. Au revoir twats'

This almost seems unbelievable. How do people even make "friends" with people like this in the first place?

When I was (much) younger and (much) more eager to please, I invited some work colleagues to a party I was co-hosting with my live-in landlord - so they knew it was his house, not mine. They extended their invite to another ex colleague of theirs - who I barely knew and obviously hadn't invited.

This bunch of adult women then proceeded to trash the bathroom for no reason other than the other ex-colleague was a spoiled, petty bitch and they worshipped the ground she walked on and did whatever she said.

Thank god I left that toxic workplace soon after.

What sort of slobs are they that 'wreck' a house with a party?

Whenever my friends get together, yes sure theres a bit of washing up and a few bottles to recycle but the house - never wrecked!

All very strange 🙄

^^

As PP said, have a lovely BBQ at yours with your nice friends and post it all over social media!