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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hosting - Is this CFery?

152 replies

ChampagneMamaBear · 16/02/2019 12:02

Hi all NC’d this post as I know the women are on here.

Ok, so I have a group of 3 friends and we are all in a chat together. I like all the girls and we get on well. However this has been annoying me so much recently - whenever something is suggested it is just expected to be at my house? Even when they want to do something it’ll just be expected to be at my place - I won’t even have invited them.

So at Christmas we decided we would all get together and have a dinner together. I agreed saying it would be nice to have a meal all together. The day before one girl (let’s call her Helen) put a message in the chat asking what time I wanted everyone? I didn’t even know it was expected for me to have everyone round and cook ANOTHER Christmas dinner for them? It annoyed me, I said I wasn’t hosting and they all went into a strop about how we had to go out for a meal now and they were skint? No thought for me when they were expecting me to buy everything and cook for them all - it was actually cheaper for me to go out!!!

This stuck in my mind and then yesterday I checked the group chat after work to see a load of messages.
Helen again had suggested as the weather is getting nicer we should all have a BBQ. Everyone sending in messages agreeing and the last message was from another girl saying “champagne???? We need to know when we’re coming to yours for the BBQ so we can put it in the diary”

WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE AT MY HOUSE?!
Is it just me who thinks if you suggest an event, you’re offering to host? Not ‘I wanna do this, you host an event to facilitate that’

It’s really pissed me off and I haven’t replied as I feel like they take the piss all the time. They can see I’ve read the chat and now Helen has text me privately saying “you’ve seen the chat, so when’s the BBQ then?”

ARGH FUCK OFF

OP posts:
woodhill · 16/02/2019 12:13

Just cheeky and presumptuous. Yanbu

Someone else needs to host and pay if you did it last time.

My df would do a bring and share type meal

Original poster
ChampagneMamaBear · 16/02/2019 12:13

I wouldn’t be as annoyed if I always had people round and they just never returned the invite.
It’s the fact they suggest events and I’m just expected to have them all at mine and host. It’s the inviting themselves that is pissing me right off.

OP posts:
IAmWonderWoman · 16/02/2019 12:13

Can you just say, I think it’s someone else’s turn to host?

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 12:14

Do they have the space? Or maybe kids in the way, or harder to get to for everyone?

I think there must be a reason, but it's clearly very odd.

whatnametouse · 16/02/2019 12:14

Tell then it’s not your turn to host as you did it last time - suggest one of their houses and say how about Helens this time, then Sandra’s after that (no idea the names but you get the idea)

It is rude to always go to someone’s house and never ask them to come to yours

7yo7yo · 16/02/2019 12:15

Put on there
It’s not making things complicated it’s that you cheeky fuckers expect me to host every time. Sorry, I can’t afford to and I don’t want to.
We can start taking it in turns, but because I’ve hosted so many times you lot can do it a few times then I’ll join in the hosting.

Wakk · 16/02/2019 12:16

Just reply now and say, oh I thought it'd be at Helen's for a change. Who wants to host then? I did it last time.

Original poster
ChampagneMamaBear · 16/02/2019 12:16

Wow so on the private message from Helen she has said to me
“Your house isn’t as nice as everyone else’s because it’s a house share and we have more bills and boyfriends that live with us. It’s just easier at yours and we can relax more”

Does that read to anyone else that they can trash my place but they don’t want mess at theirs?!

OP posts:
IAmWonderWoman · 16/02/2019 12:16

WTF why you suggesting a BBQ at my house?

And why the fuck are you suggesting it at my house? Is the reply.

Kittykat93 · 16/02/2019 12:16

They are so rude. Don't host them again op or they'll just keep doing it.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 16/02/2019 12:17

Yep that reads exactly like that.

lola006 · 16/02/2019 12:20

It’s easier at yours for THEM, not YOU. Total CF’s. And I’m not sure they view you as a real friend, OP.

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/02/2019 12:21

Not just freeloading CF's but nasty bs too. Time to leave that group chat.

IAmWonderWoman · 16/02/2019 12:22

Helen sounds like a bitch,

EmmaJR1 · 16/02/2019 12:22

Christ, who needs enemies with friends like that???

NoSquirrels · 16/02/2019 12:23

Just tell them outright, with no ambiguity on the group chat:

Girls, I like you all but you can't just assume I'm OK to host here every event. We need to take it in turns to host. If that doesn't suit you all, then I'm afraid we'll need to just meet up at a restaurant or a bar every time.

ThanosSavedMe · 16/02/2019 12:23

I would reply. Fuck off. Time for you lot to put your hands in your pocket and to clean up.

Actually, no I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t say anything. I’d leave the group and find some proper friends. Cheeky fuckers indeed.

Calzone · 16/02/2019 12:23

This is where WhatsApp is awesome.

‘ChampagneMamaBear has left the group ‘

Just leave them to it.

Or if you want to host but can’t afford it, ask everyone to bring stuff.

  1. Meat for bbq
  2. Alcohol
  3. Bread and salads
  4. Dessert
deadliftgirl · 16/02/2019 12:23

@ChampagneMamaBear

Wow your friends sound like a piece of work!

I would write in the chat for everyone to see (do not message Helen privately).

" Hi Girls, I love hosting you all for dinners, drinks, BBQs, lunches and whatever else you fancy. I really enjoy your company at my place but I am no longer able to accommodate everyone as the only person who hosts these functions. So I am really sorry but my place is closed for business for the foreseeable future. Anyone else who is willing to make effort and host for a while then I am more than happy to bring some drinks. My home has bills and responsibilities just like the rest of you and I am not your bank to continue giving when none of you are willing to give in return. If your not happy with this then please arrange any future gatherings without me"

These girls they sound awful and you need to put them in their place!

Gizlotsmum · 16/02/2019 12:23

I would just be done with the group. They have no respect for your or your house. I would tell them that you will not be hosting and if they can't/don't want to host that's a shame.

FadedRed · 16/02/2019 12:26

They are friends, you are not, you are just a convenient venue/hostess.

colditz · 16/02/2019 12:26

SO you obviously have problems with confrontation. I get that, because sometimes I do too, especially with people who are supposed to be my friends.

SO all the suggestions telling you to message back "Lol fuck off" aren't going to work, are they? If you were at all inclined to say something like that, you'd have said it years ago.

So maybe just pretending to be busy and not answering their texts would work better for you? How do your housemates feel about having to host bossy shrieking harpies anyway?

Atalune · 16/02/2019 12:26

They are so blantant! Tell them to fuck right off.

ohfourfoxache · 16/02/2019 12:27

These people are not friends. They’re users.

Cut the fuckers out. You don’t need people like this in your life.

Original poster
ChampagneMamaBear · 16/02/2019 12:27

It’s turned into a real war of words now with them saying spiteful things like “you’re not even a good host, we just have houses that shouldn’t be wrecked whereas yours is already a mess”

I’ve left the chat and won’t be hosting them ever again.

TBH I think a lot of it is jealousy - without blowing my own trumpet I am young and have a lot of friends so am always having social gatherings at my place (my choice with others who contribute)

But these girls have all settled with partners and always moaning about how boring routine life is paying bills/mortgage etc. I think they’re using me for a social life and I’m stopping it.

I won’t be sad or missing them!

OP posts: