To want DP to say something to his ex gf and her flying monkeys

[Februaryblooms]

I've been with my DP for a number of years, we have one child and I'm in the last trimester of pregnancy with our second.

From the get go I've had problems with his ex and her sending her 'flying monkeys' to harass me on social media. This came about as she struggled to deal with him moving on and beginning a family. There will be periods of quiet then it starts up out of the blue again.

It's nothing as extreme as threats or anything that the police could do anything about, but it's extremely annoying and causes a degree of anxiety and stress in the relationship. Think fake accounts adding me, posting subliminal insults publicly, making their presence known and being a nuisance. I have blocked the ex but it doesn't make a blind bit of difference in the long run.

I haven't provoked them by the way.

As it's DP's ex and his 'problem' that he's brought into my life i think he should be telling her/them to back off or fuck off but he doesn't want to "get involved"

Uhm. He already is, isn't he?

AIBU..

OP you can contact the police on someone else behalf if they are the victim. In this case you are the victim so you can contact the police yourself. However it is best to make your social media accounts private and change mobile numbers first. If you are then contacted after that, that's additional proof that it's harassment.

Also he's an idiot for not formally sorting out child contact. He isn't expected to go to court in the first incident - first he sorts it out informally and if that doesn't work because the children are seeing him inconsistently, then you go to mediation. Only if mediation breaks down or one parent refuses to go then you go to arbitration or court. With mediation you don't have to be in the same room. Once arrangements are sorted out in mediation, if they aren't adhered to you can can them legally enforced.

I would think his DCs from first relationship would like to stay with him but I wouldn't think they'd be all that keen on spending time with toddlers and babies. If you saw them regularly it would be different but as it is not going to be often I would leave it. It is how it is. Things might change a lot when ex gets a new partner.

@Februaryblooms, funnily enough, things have got quieter now that she's with another man. Doesn't stop ALL off the craziness but it has significantly reduced it!

I sincerely hope that the relationship lasts as it introduces some stability for both her and her child.

It did used to rile me how she was clearly out to get me when I had done NOTHING to deserve it. However I now let it wash over me as I realise that it can't possibly be personal since I've never engaged with her in any way.

What a pathetic woman. Honestly, I've never understood why adults act like this. I don't know how she isn't embarrassed by her behavior.

OP I can see why you're upset. I would definitely want my DP to say something if his ex was constantly harassing me like this. He doesn't have to be rude about it but I can understand him not wanting to rock the boat at the same time.

You shouldn't have to delete your SM accounts because a grown woman is acting like a child. I'd do what others have suggested and just not look at the accounts that add you anymore, block them as well and don't even look.

Hopefully she'll grow up shortly although some people never do unfortunately.

In your situation I would deactivate Facebook every time after I use it. Doesn’t take much longer than logging out. You can’t be sent friends requests if you’re not showing. That means there should be things lurking for you when you log back on.

Settings -> account ownership and control -> deactivation and deletion -> deactivate account

Then chose an option ‘I spent too much time on Facebook’ doesn’t result in it trying to make you do something else.

Click ‘deactivate’

To reactivate just log in as usual.

*shouldnt be things lurking

To make your account more private I would change your name on facebook to something else. Also don't put a picture of yourself on the profile. Put a random picture of a flower or something. You can go into the privacy of each of your old profile pictures so only you can see them. Also make sure the privacy of any groups you are in, your list of friends, phone numbers, everything is set to you only. There is also a privacy setting (in facebook) to stop search engines outside of facebook from linking to your profile. Also make sure you block the person you don't want to see you on facebook.