To be pissed off he's still in bed

[Thegoodthere]

Went to bed last night with a horrendous toothache from a botched root canal. Have been awake at various points of the night taking co-codamol and looking after our DD, who still occasionally wakes in the night. Last night told DH I'd be going to minor injuries today.

DD came into my bed at half 6 this morning. We cuddled / played for a while then got up and went downstairs. DH still in bed, leaving me to to look over DD. For context, I've done 99 percent of night waking / early morning wake ups since DD was very little (she's now 3).

So selfish.

I suspect the OP posted for sympathy and rightly deserved. But to expect us to slag off her husband for not getting up to help is unreasonable.
We don't know the dynamic of the relationship so, the only advice we can give is for her to wake him up !

Lot of strange extrapolation on this thread about what sort of person I am. Unnecessarily nasty given that I'm clearly fed up, in pain, and wanting a bit of a moan.

We have ongoing relationship issues and are in couple's counselling. This is an ongoing point of contention. He got up of his own accord around 8am and we're behaving perfectly fine to one another. He's offered to take DD out so I can get some rest until my emergency appointment at the dentist this afternoon which I was lucky enough to get while waiting in line at minor injuries.

Was here 3 years ago when pregnant. Seems empathy has mostly disappeared here since then. Shame.

We have ongoing relationship issues and are in couple's counselling. This is an ongoing point of contention.

Well perhaps if you had mentioned this in the OP, which is what people form their opinions on, you would not have such replies.

He got up at 8, so what are you complaining about ?
Good luck with the counseling...but please look into your own behaviour too.

I totally get you OP. The issue is you're the default parent. DH doesn't wake up when DD comes in because he knows you'll do it and it's your job it wake him up if you need help. I bet if he was on his own he would manage to wake up of his own accord and look after DD.

@alloftheboys

Oh for goodness sake.

I expect our weekly thread about how nasty the site has become very soon.

So he’d got up after about 9 posts and before your first update?
I’ll get back to finding the cure for cancer now 😄

FFS. If I was unwell my oh would do the night waking and get up when DC came in at 6am because he isn't an arsehole. I wouldn't have to ask him to be a parent. He wouldn't pretend to sleep through the noise of DC waking or jumping/ playing on the bed.

Staking and searching previous posts isn't on.

@roisinagusniamh I am.

Also, he got up at 8am ... I have been up in the night and / or up for the day anywhere between 5-7am. I also work. So forgive me if it grates even more when I'm unwell.

5-7am for 3 years*

Ffs unless you tell him what you expect and how upset you are how will he know or learn?

He's a grown adult. He wanted a child. We've talked about this in counselling. How much more of a hint does he need?

Um. If you both work full time, then you should be sharing the night wakings/mornings. Just state that that's the way it's going to be, as it's fair. No point in martyrdom.

Clearly he needs more of a reminder or push. I would of been shouting at him to wake or pushed him out of bed. My husband and I take it in turns for a lie in if the kids are up early but this is something we speak about. This is about a lot more than who wakes up early with the children.

You are a martyr. You say he's an adult, well, treat him like one.

Hopefully you get rest before your appointment, I had similar last summer and I was in agony. So painful.
I do most of the morning/night wakings here but I’ve started to change it lately and we (try 😳) pick a day each at the weekend. It doesn’t always work but it’s a start. It does annoy me.
I’d be raging if I was in pain and my OH just slept though.

So he did get up but despite this, you've ended up upset, angry and resentful just because you wanted him to get up, of his own accord when you wanted him to because any other behaviour is proving that he doesn't love you?

What kills a relationship is unvoiced resentment that leads to questioning feelings for each other. It is soooooo much easier and kinder to assume that our partners love us dearly and not wait for signs that we match with love and caring when there is no significance of such to the other person.

The alternative to you feeling the way you end up feeling was you going there with your daughter, waking him up kindly and remind him that he said he'd look after her, give both of them a kiss, tell them you loved them and shut the door.

Maybe then, he would have felt all ovex up and who knows maybe you'd be coming back from your appointment to a nice clean home and lunch and a big I love you.

He gets up at 8am most days because he says he can't sleep longer than that. So he didn't do me a favour by getting up at 8.

Agree on invoiced resentment being an issue.

My advice would be to definitely not have another baby with this man.

Well, I wasn't planning to, but thanks for the advice.

You're getting a hard time here OP and I'm not sure why. In your situation my dh would have done all the night wakings, he'd have brought me the paracetamol and given me a lie in. That's what people who care about each other do. In sickness and in health and all that. It doesn't mean roll over until morning.

@skunktanka you really can't see why the OP is getting a hard time? Really? Perhaps reading the thread properly instead of blindly replying will give you further context.

The OP is an idiot trying to make excuses for dropping hints and not talking to her husband. That's the beginning and end of it. Had she told him specifically what she wanted, and he'd resisted, we'd be having a very different conversation.

Good luck at the dentist op. Fwiw I think you should share early morning wake ups especially as you both work. A caring partner wouldn’t need to be woken up when they know you are in pain.