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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off he's still in bed

118 replies

Thegoodthere · 16/02/2019 07:32

Went to bed last night with a horrendous toothache from a botched root canal. Have been awake at various points of the night taking co-codamol and looking after our DD, who still occasionally wakes in the night. Last night told DH I'd be going to minor injuries today.

DD came into my bed at half 6 this morning. We cuddled / played for a while then got up and went downstairs. DH still in bed, leaving me to to look over DD. For context, I've done 99 percent of night waking / early morning wake ups since DD was very little (she's now 3).

So selfish.

OP posts:
Janedoe5000 · 16/02/2019 08:15

"Wow. Thanks guys. This site has really gone downhill."

Because you didn't get the attention you wanted from strangers that your partner isn't giving you?

If people spent just half their energy dealing with their problems in real life rather than running to complain on Mumsnet then I think they would find themselves in a much better position.

Wake him up.

NCjustforthisthread · 16/02/2019 08:16

Confused gone downhill because we don’t agree with you? Did you come on here expecting everyone to agree with you and say what a useless selfish husband you have?

gamerwidow · 16/02/2019 08:17

Has he woken up and gone back to sleep ignoring that you re in pain or did you wake him up this morning to tell him you were in pain and needed to go back to sleep and he ignored you? If so he is being a massive arse. You need to go up to him right now and say you need to get up I am in pain and i can't cope.
If he refuses then yes he is a definitely a horrible selfish man.
I hope you feel better soon nothing worse than being in pain having not slept and trying to wrangle a child.

adaline · 16/02/2019 08:19

Why, because we didn't all agree with you?

Playing the martyr is stupid - if you want him to get up then bloody go upstairs and wake him!

gamerwidow · 16/02/2019 08:19

To be fair to the OP I think it is extremely unlikely that her DH a) did not notice her getting out of bed several times in the night in pain and b) did not notice their DD getting in bed with them at 630.

He should be able to put two and two together and say 'are you ok shall I get up and look after DD?'. It shouldn't really be up to the OP to ask him to show a bit of consideration.

Whisky2014 · 16/02/2019 08:22

And here we have the op advising a poster to "just ring him" in reference to the poster tracing her long lost dad of 45 years and hadn't received an email response when she emailed him...

Thegoodthere

JUST RING HIM.
Rather than tying yourself in know wondering if he's seen your email / FB message, just ring him.

So, op. Take your own advice. JUST WAKE HIM UP.
Dentist appointment and waking up husband/ contacting long lost dad
..hmmm

todayiwin · 16/02/2019 08:22

Title should be changed to "AIBU that DH isn't a mind reader?"

ThursdayLastWeek · 16/02/2019 08:28

Woman in pain feels disappointed that her DP doesn’t want to care of her.

That’s what I’m reading here.
It’s perfectly possible for the DP to want to make his partners life easier but on this thread she's being blamed for being a martyr.

Just wake him OP, so you can go. And maybe have a rational chat about how disappointed you were (but not when you’re still in pain!)

trooth · 16/02/2019 08:37

Oh come on guys, OP is in a lot of pain and is upset her husband hasn't cared enough to make sure he's awake so she can go get her tooth sorted. I'd be pissed off to be expected to have to make sure he's awake, amongst dealing with looking after the child during the night and getting child up in the morning. It's just one little kindness he could do that would show he cares.

I hope you get your tooth sorted today OP. I'm in the midst of a root canal fiasco myself. 3 x 45 hour appointments, injections just not numbing it enough, so much pain resulting in a panic attack at the end of the last appointment. Being referred for sedation now!

Original poster
Thegoodthere · 16/02/2019 08:38

Thank you to the posters that understand a bit of caring and compassion goes a long way.

Also expecting my DH who knows I'm ill to care for me is a long way away from someone relying on an email that they don't even know has been delivered to their long lost father. Way to go, post history stalker.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 16/02/2019 08:42

Yes all 3 posts. The site went downhill since Thursday...(don't believe you name changed before you say it)
I'd say it's a lot easier to wake up your husband than a stranger contacting their dad in 45 years but hey ho.

You woken him up yet?

roisinagusniamh · 16/02/2019 08:44

I hope you get your tooth sorted and begin to feel better soon.
I think your partner should have realised how unwell you are and took over with your daughter from the beginning.
But posting on Mumsnet is not going to solve anything in your marriage unless
you make some time to sit down and have a conversion with your partner.
It's obvious that you have some issues and resentment towards him .

Isitsixoclockalready · 16/02/2019 08:46

OP - you must feel exhausted with having had awful toothache and having had to dose yourself up with painkillers and then getting up early. The thing is that AIBU is fine for sounding off and (hopefully) a sympathetic ear but ultimately the only way that you can resolve this is by talking to your OH.

TacoLover · 16/02/2019 08:46

Is he sleeping? How is he supposed to be aware that he needs to get up if he doesn't have an alarm and is asleep??

TheJobNeverEnded · 16/02/2019 09:03

Dh can sleep through anything, if I needed him I would just wake him up. He is the most considerate, sweetest, caring man ever but he does sleep like the dead.

So wake your Dh up with a drink, and tell you are off for an appointment.

But this isn't about today, this is about the resentment that has built up because somehow you have martyred yourself for all the night wakings for 3 years.

You need to wake him, and later talk to him, tell him what you want. It really is simple. Don't complain or bitch about what is past, just tell him what you need from now on.

ashtrayheart · 16/02/2019 09:06

He’s unreasonable but then he has been for the last 3 years so...
I hope you feel better soon Flowers

SingaSong12 · 16/02/2019 09:09

Wake him up.

Bryjam · 16/02/2019 09:14

How bizarre. You are in a bad mood, because he is asleep and you want him to 'care' for you!

Do what normal people do and try communicating. It will make your day somewhat easier.

Alloftheboys · 16/02/2019 09:14

You could have woken him up in the time it took you to write your first post 🙄
Are you going tomorrow be arsey with him all day as well?

Alloftheboys · 16/02/2019 09:15
  • to be
hippopootamus · 16/02/2019 09:16

OP do you want one of us to go wake him? Confused

harriethoyle · 16/02/2019 09:18

@alloftheboys OP will not only be arsey all day but will spend several hours refusing to tell DH why, on the basis of "If I have to tell you, that's worse than why I'm arsey." Wink

JasperKarat · 16/02/2019 09:24

Why have you allowed it to get to three years with you doing 99% of night waking and getting up in the mornings? Being a martyr doesn't help anyone and you won't be thanked for it. Yes your DH is being lazy but you've enabled it. Also minor injuries doesn't open until ten where I live and dint freak with dental issues, so check that before you go, you may well need an emergency dentist instead.

JasperKarat · 16/02/2019 09:25

*doesn't deal with dental issues

Alloftheboys · 16/02/2019 09:32

@harriethoyle
“Well if I have to tell you why I’m upset it must mean that you don’t love me.”
OH looks perplexed