To hate people asking what I'm doing for the weekend

[Ditto66]

I go swimming on a Friday afternoon with a fellow mum, who always asks - always - doing anything nice at the weekend? When I drop her off. No I'm a widowed single parent, of teens, generally my weekends are a bit boring. Tbh I'm ok with that, mostly. I just hate the pressure and what feels like judgement.
Couple of weeks ago she told me she'd heard some old guy say 'oh you know, living the dream' when someone asked him how he was. I laughed and said I love that, think I'll use it. She said oh I suppose you could but I couldn't possibly because my life is great and you can only say that ironically. I think she realised how crass it was and regretted saying it. She's not a bad person, generally kind but also sometimes insensitive. But I think I've had enough of the ' any plans for the weekend' question and feel like giving up the swim buddying as a result. We block book a small pool for 6 months at s time. AIBU and overly sensitive? What would you say to that question when you've rarely got anything special happening but you're content enough?

I ask people this question. I'm crap at small talk so it's one of my go to questions. I know what you mean op, people ask me right back and I usually have very little to say.

I have to admit being baffled and feeling like the most boring person in the world when my colleague would ask me what I was doing that same night. He's young, child free, no responsibility... And I would sit there and respond "well, uh, it's a Monday so.... ??? Going home and sorting the kids...." And thinking, who makes plans on a Monday night?? And not being able to remember a time when I would ever have plans on a Monday night. I'm boring I know 😁

I usually have plans on a Monday night! I get the kids to bed and watch X on Netflix. If you say that you can ask if the other person has seen any decent series/movies recently. I’m always looking for a new one.

It’s called conversation. Everything isn’t about someone else wanting to judge you.

Why is it so hard for some people to just be honest and instead brew resentment to the point of ruining relationships? How is this person to know that your weekends are dull and that this perfectly normal question would upset you?

What's so hard in saying 'actually, I don't tend to do anything at weekends because... I'm bored/tired/sad/have no-one to do things/can't be bothered...

Either this will result in her stopping to ask or maybe opening up so to become a closer friend. For all you know, she'll respond with... gosh I'm so glad you are being honest because frankly, I don't do much myself because...

I find it so unfair that people place judgement on others for asking mundane questions or making mundane comments because of their own inability to just say what ces to their mind. It's very stressful to be around such people as you never know what to say by fear of upsetting them.

She doesn’t really care what you are up to on the weekend it’s just an opener. TBH you sound rude and a bit resentful. If you really don’t care that your weekends are spend having down time at home then why are you not willing to listen to what she gets up to?
Just say ‘nothing much, you?’ It’s not personal it just how people talk.

Yabu, it’s just small talk. It takes up 5 seconds of your week to say “oh nothing much” or “just taking it easy “

Maybe she is trying to get an answer like "not much, fancy doing something?" because she's bored too?

I think the question is boring even without your context op. Who wants to talk about what they are going to do or did? Why is this a common topic?

Because it's polite to take an interest in the people you know maybe?

It's like talking about the weather - small talk. I asked 2 people this yesterday. Come to think of it, I've asked family members I love too.

The "my life is so brilliant" comment would annoy me more. In my mind, I would question if anyone who would say that out loud, really does have a great life. It's a weird thing to say.

I don't understand. She asks if you've any plans and you say not really and ask the question to her and she then tells you what she's doing and you don't like her answer / tone as it makes you feel your uneventful weekend is boring?

OP, why don't you tell her you aren't doing anything, and ask if she fancies meeting up, - every time she asks.
This could then go either way -
she says yes, and you do something nice together.
She says no, as she doesn't see you as anything more than a swim buddy, and this could potentially put her off asking you what your weekend plans are again!

As a conversation it's a little window into someone else's life. Unless you are going to sit on the sofa and stare at the wall you will be doing something.

The things my colleagues do would bore me. The things I do would bore them. But as conversation they are really interesting. We all have different interests and obligations.

 to you @UnperfectLife . Sorry you've also had to go through such loss.