To hate people asking what I'm doing for the weekend

[Ditto66]

I go swimming on a Friday afternoon with a fellow mum, who always asks - always - doing anything nice at the weekend? When I drop her off. No I'm a widowed single parent, of teens, generally my weekends are a bit boring. Tbh I'm ok with that, mostly. I just hate the pressure and what feels like judgement.
Couple of weeks ago she told me she'd heard some old guy say 'oh you know, living the dream' when someone asked him how he was. I laughed and said I love that, think I'll use it. She said oh I suppose you could but I couldn't possibly because my life is great and you can only say that ironically. I think she realised how crass it was and regretted saying it. She's not a bad person, generally kind but also sometimes insensitive. But I think I've had enough of the ' any plans for the weekend' question and feel like giving up the swim buddying as a result. We block book a small pool for 6 months at s time. AIBU and overly sensitive? What would you say to that question when you've rarely got anything special happening but you're content enough?

Thanks for the suggestions. Nothing special, you? Is good, whoever said that. I've tried a few of the others too - it's just relentless. @BlueJag good question- I know I'm being overly sensitive here. 2 things I guess if I really think about. This person and another who asks it at work on Mondays, if I don't manage to avoid them, generally do just want to brag about their own busy lives. It does if I'm honest make me momentarily feel a twinge of comparison where I don't measure up. The kind you get with social media sometimes - but I can mute the relentless show offs there and also I know that it's often a facade. The other thing is that I think the comment about ' living the dream' that I can say that with irony because I'm clearly not, did hurt me. I don't think she meant to be cruel, but was. I am widowed and it hurts and strangely shocks me to think that some ppl may see me as pitiful. So thanks for asking that probing question as I think it is a bit deeper than me just being sensitive about a stupid question. I don't mind being boring but I do mind being seen as pitiful I guess!

I work all week so I cherish doing nothing on a weekend! Kids love their down time and we save days out and trips for the school holidays to keep them occupied. I love a boring weekend getting up late, lounging around, bit of cleaning and laundry, good food and tv. I'd hate to run around all weekend like I have to all week.

When anyone asks me any plans....”making art, walking dogs”...that is who I am, that is my life.
Not exciting to anyone else, but long ago I realised that ‘fun ‘ things are boring and ‘boring’ things are fun.

I hate this question too, my young colleagues always ask me every Monday what I've done. Every weekend they've done something interesting, even the ones with kids seem to manage to go for a 10k run or have the weekend without their kids in a fancy hotel.

Whereas my answer is usually taxi service to the kids, felt satisfied cause I tidied out a cupboard or room, sat around in my PJs, looked at crap on the internet.

It would be such a shame to give up something you enjoy because of this annoying repetitive question. I think you should come right out with it nicely "Do you realise you ask me that exact same question,every single week. I know its just conversational but it makes me feel bad" and see if it makes a difference. Best of luck x

@NewAndImprovedNorks I really agree with you 👍

Oh, and anyone asking odd questions gets them turned RIGHt round “not much, what are YOU doing?” Which is usually what they want in the first place!

I often will say "can't wait to just do nothing all weekend". No one cares, it's just conversation. If someone asked someone else to stop making small talk it would be awkward all round.

Why are your weekends a bit boring though? I mean do you have something each weekend that you look forward to, it doesn’t have to be exciting, a walk somewhere, a cafe to try out, baking something new. If you felt better about your own weekends I suspect her question would bother you a bit less?

Why do you ask. Every single time. Miss manners suggests it to deflect questions and ensure they aren’t asked again

I've got a hot date. With my bed. And by hot I mean I'm taking a hot water bottle up with me. And by date I mean, I'll be up there by 9 and I don't want to be woken up unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire.

Are you really ok with your weekends being boring?
It’s just that you said you feel judged and pressured.

God I know exactly what you mean. A friend asked me this today and I said i was going into town with my (adult) DD and she suddenly says “oh i’m So glad, you have been staying in so much lately i’ve Been so worried about you”. Um, I like staying in! I lie in bed till 12 playing games on my iPad and dozing then I get up and do my craft projects, then I make something nice to eat and catch up on some Netflix! I love my weekends! Why is there so much judgement if you’re not out and about doing “something”.

I start a new job in a few days... new line manager has said a few times in emails "Hope you had a nice weekend!". It sounds Soooooo alien. If I work hard all week I like to flake out doing minimal stuff on weekends.

I'm sure I'll get hang of this small chat again. Most people only really want to talk about selves & it's easy to turn the convo around to let them do that. I have a wry sense of humour which fails on MN usually charms people eventually, and can extol my rep of being a lazy sod on weekends.

I doubt if she meant to be hurtful with her 'living the dream' comment, just thoughtless. If you enjoy your weekends, doing very little except relaxing, then say so. If you feel that you ought to be doing more, or that you are missing out by not doing anything, then have a look at what's on locally and do one thing each weekend - gallery/theatre/film/market/cafe etc - but only if you want to and feel it would enhance your life. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. There's no need to fill your weekends doing stuff if you don't want to!

A friend of mine does this. My weekends are just low key - walks with dogs, bit of TV, maybe pub lunch. She thinks it's OK to make comments about how me and DH should be having 'more fun'. This friend is someone who has just returned from a three-day hotel break in Huntingdon. No offence to anyone who lives there, but really.

My weekends are spent working on my allotment. TBH I would far rather be doing this than some of the out and about weekends my colleagues have.

IME there is no judgement, just conversation.

Apart from drinking wine, eating pizza and being thankful my DCs are quietly in bed, I am wondering, if I get the chance (not likely) would I make it to base camp on Everest.

So that would be my answer if I had a regular request for info. There is no right or wrong answer - just each persons life. Last weekend I read a fantastic book that I had free on my kindle. And avoiding housework

@dogsdinnerlady

I do feel some people are weirdly “competitive” about weekends. Like they want to somehow prove they have a much more fun weekend than you. Surely the point of a weekend is to spend it how you please? Even if what you like to do is sit in your PJs watching reruns of something eating takeaway kebabs! So what? My boss controls the majority of my monday - Friday hours (to be fair I can’t complain he is a lovely boss!) but the weekend, that’s my days. And I will spend them in any way I please!

Oh and my cousin I'm his 50's is basically a professional beach/snowboarding person living in a van "living the dream".

That's not my dream. We all have our own dreams. I lived my 20's dream of travelling, living my 30's and 40's dream of being a parent and looking forward to my 50's and 60's dream of travelling more, perhaps with my babies.

I just hate the pressure and what feels like judgement.

I wonder if really you put yourself under pressure? Who do you think is judging you?

I think it's just inane chit chat and people don't think. I ask people all the time even though I hate being asked myself as having a chronic illness it's generally feeling shit in bed or cancelling plans I do have. I guess it's just a weird build in auto question and we all need to learn to be a bit more creative!

I usually say something like "Oh still working on the Brexit negotiations. They wanted me to go to the Summit in Brussels, but I just couldn't afford the time"

That shuts them up. You be yourself OP. Don't let some smartarse make you feel inadequate. If you and your family are happy, that's all that matters.

I sometimes say ' as little as bloody possible hopefully, after the week I've had' or ' staying in all weekend to watch some box sets'. I couldn't give a shit if people think I'm boring. Sometimes they do get a 'going camping' or 'take the dogs to the beach' if the weather's nice though.

My DH and I lived apart for the first few years. I would sleep at his house several nights during the week. I had a colleague who without fail asked every day where I was spending the night. After about two years I got angry with her because it bloody tired me to answer the same question every day.