To hate people asking what I'm doing for the weekend

[Ditto66]

I go swimming on a Friday afternoon with a fellow mum, who always asks - always - doing anything nice at the weekend? When I drop her off. No I'm a widowed single parent, of teens, generally my weekends are a bit boring. Tbh I'm ok with that, mostly. I just hate the pressure and what feels like judgement.
Couple of weeks ago she told me she'd heard some old guy say 'oh you know, living the dream' when someone asked him how he was. I laughed and said I love that, think I'll use it. She said oh I suppose you could but I couldn't possibly because my life is great and you can only say that ironically. I think she realised how crass it was and regretted saying it. She's not a bad person, generally kind but also sometimes insensitive. But I think I've had enough of the ' any plans for the weekend' question and feel like giving up the swim buddying as a result. We block book a small pool for 6 months at s time. AIBU and overly sensitive? What would you say to that question when you've rarely got anything special happening but you're content enough?

I have rarely planned a weekend and am always amazed at other people's planning.However if you ask people on Monday 'how was your weekend' the answers are always more mundane .

My brother always asks this and he must know by now that the answer is fuck all I think it’s just small talk OP—don’t take it too seriously. I don’t think she’s looking for you to justify yourself. She’s probably just making conversation. Equally there’s no shame in saying that you have no plans. IMO that’s what the weekends are for—relaxing after a long week at work.

Its small talk. Most people do it. Banal questions we only want banal answers to. You swim together, every week. There is an assumption (for most) you're not juts going to nod/grunt at each other, swim, further nod, and leave. It's the same as the hairdresser and nail technician questions. No one actually gives a crap, but it's impolite not to go through it.

It's a question I hate myself. 'Housework' is my usual response. I think people seem to think I am a bit wild in my spare time or something lol. In my misspent youth I also dreaded the question on a Monday morning 'How was your weekend?' as the true answer was 'a haze of drunken debauchery'. So I just replied with 'oh you know, quiet'. Lol. I recall answering 'exhausting' once and being told off by an older man - apparently weekends were for recovery from the long working week, rather than the working week being recovery from a weekend of alcohol.

I liked a PP suggestion of stating something random in response.

And I'm guilty of asking the stupid question myself too

Looking back on the Op I think what would have pissed me off is the woman saying “oh I couldn’t use that as my life is great”. I mean how rude and condescending. I don’t think OP does have a major problem with her weekends, but someone reacting like that is going to have course make her feel shit.

I think almost everyone will have been asked this or will ask at some point in their life.

I just answer honestly. Sometimes it might sound like I have a great weekend planned. Other times it might sound boring as hell.

It sounds like you have bigger issues with the particular mum friend.

I can't understand what the problem with asking "What are you doing for the weekend" is. If you're happy doing nothing or doing loads just say which it is. I don't think anyone is judging you if you do either?
My weekends are made up of sleeping, eating and sometimes a mad night out when dc are with their Dad.
Do people object to being asked "How are you" too?
Ridiculous

It’s because people ask what are you doing at the weekend and if you respond oh i’m Going to lie in my pit all weekend and watch Netflix. They respond with this “oh” pitying look face! People aren’t “allowed” To say I have no plans or i’m Relaxing etc without it being met with pity or concern that you must be very depressed and sad. I had it week in and week out when I worked in an office. It’s bloody annoying.

OP, you are overthinking this. It's just social noise. Hardly anyone cares what anyone else does.

echt I tell myself this every day when I feel anxious and I'm over thinking.

I've got so much planned. I can't wait! How about you?

I have a massive to do list. Can't wait to get started. How about you?

I'm doing absolutely nothing. In manor wait to get home and have 100% me time. How about you?

The dc have so much on. I'm hoping I can squeeze in a little alone time on Sunday evening. How about you?

I just say the above and smile.

Never go into specifics as they don't really want the know. Why would they? People who ask this just want you to reciprocate the question. So say you have a fab time planned, whatever it is even if it is nothing, and then return the question.

Do people really hate this question? It’s something I would say on a Friday just to make polite chit chat. I never realised it caused so much angst.
I don’t expect amazing plans and quite often answer myself with absolutely nothing or nothing exciting and don’t feel judged.

Living the dream is frequently used at work, and never in a positive way. I've never known anyone to not use it ironically.

OP I ask people that. I actually don't care what they are doing, I am trying though to show an interest in their life. It would be fine if they said they were going to watch something on TV on saturday night, and then we could talk about that.

People who ask this just want you to reciprocate the question.
No I absolutely am not doing that when I ask that. I am trying to show an interest in other people's lives. When I ask my parents this they talk about their trip to the supermarket and what they are going to cook. My work mate will often say she is planning on doing some gardening and watching TV. That is fine.

You sound very sensitive. It’s just a question. People ask me all the time and I ask others. It’s showing interest and that you care! Who cares if the answer is boring. This weekend I’m studying, next weekend I’m off to the Gold Coast!

It is just a polite question that people ask. I do understand it can be annoying though.

Do you think she would like to do something with you on the weekend?

I just usually answer something like, oh the usual chores.

I think the comment about ' living the dream' that I can say that with irony because I'm clearly not, did hurt me.

The whole "I couldn't possibly say that because my life is great" was pretty silly and boastful and I can see how that put you off her a bit. So she's actually "living the dream"? Yeah, OK... Maybe her dream.

I’m having the perfect weekend - doing as little as possible! So enjoyable!

I used to.get asked this by busy busy neighbours, kindly intended, and just out of polite conversation.

Their weekends were utterly full of engagements, they hated it different. It sounded far too full on for me.

80% of our weekends are shopping, gardening, going for a walk, pottering to a local cafe, chatting with the teens, cooking. That's how we like it.

Ditto66 we have so much in common!!! Also widowed- with a teenager and a preteen. And I swim on a Friday. We do F All at the weekend- just homework/ housework/ potter- DSs do endless hours of xbox/ park. We don't have any spare money to do anything. The boys dont really do 'activities' any more. We have no car to go anywhere. Outings aren't fun without another adult anyway. When they were smaller, I couldn't afford a babysitter to go out myself....
But, even when my DH was dying , people would pipe up " What are you doing at the weekend?" or "Did you have a nice half term?" and i'd feel like punching them. Of course i f* didn't. It was unbearable. Lonely. I endured it minute by minute. But i'd grit my teeth and say Oh just the usual/ Fine thanks....
It annoys me less now.
Don't give up your swimming because of it. It's just a conversation starter/ banal platitude/ like talking about the weather. Maybe act like you didn't hear it, and start a completely different conversation instead. After a few weeks, they might realise it's a sore point...

I just don't want to have to justify my boring life, relentlessly!

Then don't

When she asks ....either ignore the question and say 'oh I was going to tell you....' and then tell her something

Or say 'what are you doing this weekend ' not answering her question

Or have a big fake coughing fit and then have a chat about how whooping cough is on the rise (it is)

Or say 'hang on I'm going to sneeze' and then make a big palaver of sneezing and then don't sneeze and then discuss how annoying this is

Or find that your leg suddenly hurts and ask her if she noticed you banging it in the pool

Or.....

It's really not difficult to divert people away from a topic of conversation

I find the easiest way is usually to bring the conversation back to them because most people love to talk about themselves or their kids

There are two kinds of people:
Those who use the weekends to recover from the week.
And those who use the week to recover from the weekend.
I used to be the second, but now I am the first.
You could tell her that every time?

Why are people insecure! There is nothing wrong or embarrassing with saying ‘I’m going to get on top of the laundry, have an early night and finish my book’. Or similar. They asked, just respond.