Early weeks of breastfeeding - hellish for everyone?

[Pinkypieohmy]

Breastfeeding Ds2 two weeks old.
And finding it horrific.
He feeds all night, up every 90 minutes sometimes, spends half an hour fussing at the breast before latching on then spends another 90 minutes feeding both sides.
I must be getting about 2-3 hours broken sleep if I am lucky. He sometimes does the same through the day.
I’m Also anaemic after a significant blood loss during cs.
I have never felt tiredness like this!

Ds has been checked for toungue tie, doesn’t have this, latch is fine. No known reason for him to do this.

Plus ds1 is competing for my attention and playing up. He is very jealous of the attention on the new baby. Dh due back at work next week and I am panicking about coping!
Is it like this for everyone? Is breastfeeding supposed to be hell on Earth for a while?

I quit at this point with ds1 and I really want to try and persevere this time..... but if things continue this way I can’t see how!

I’ve BF three babies (well my third is 5 weeks old so in the thick of it!). Number one was a cluster feeder, she would be attached from 7pm-11pm every night then thankfully sleep in her Moses basket for a few 3 hour stretches.
DD2 was like your baby and nearly broke me. Fed all bloody night (and day!), poor latch, destroyed my nipples and landed me in intensive care when mastitis led to sepsis. We managed 6 months of hell.
Number 3 is so far a dream feeder. Short, efficient feeds, only a couple of feeds in the night (still sleeps like crap though, he’s wide awake from 3am every night).
Yes it’s tough. But if it’s too tough, and you can’t cope, then there are alternatives and there is no shame in using them.

I think partly it's life with a newborn which will always be exhausting. It took me at least 3-4 weeks to get breastfeeding sorted. I think they just sorted their latch after that time as it would be quicker and less painful. It is tricky with the second/third and the cluster feeds though while dealing with a toddler too.

Not for me, I bf 4 with no issues.

Yep it was like this for me. Maybe try swaddling him up tightly after a feed? Or putting him on a blanket that smells of you? If he’s fussing for an hour he’s probably not hungry just wanting comfort due to tiredness!

I didn't BF but it was the same, if that helps? 60-90 mins of sleep and then it starts again...not sure it makes any difference tbh. It's just fucking hard.

I breastfed 4 -two were easy, two less so, but it was never hellish

Yep, took eight weeks with DS after a nasty nipple infection, bleeding, blisters, Reynaud's of the nipple and slow weight gain and that was all after his tongue tie snip! Eleven weeks now, not painful, feeds around eleven/half past and then again sometime between half five and seven. Never thought I'd consider that decent sleep!

It's hard for most people to start with, I found swaddling my little girl helped her calm down and settle enough to latch on quickly. I remember after 2 weeks it got significantly easier. Have you got a pump to express so you can have a break?

It is a cruel trick of nature that getting breastfeeding established can be really hard and sore and painful and tiring, and it happens when you are least able to deal with it, when you're already tired and sore and emotional.
If it's something you really want to do then stick with it. It really does get better and easier.

It's normal in the first few weeks after birth as it's how the baby builds your milk supply up. Their stomach is also very tiny and holds very little milk, plus breastmilk is easily digested so they don't stay full for long. It's nature, but very difficult in modern life.
That said, all babies are different. I breastfed all 3 of my children, one slept very well day and night, whilst the other two were how you describe. I recommend a lady called The Milk Meg, she's an Australian breastfeeding support worker and she's public on social media, I found her advice really helpful.

It got better for me at 8 weeks, when his latch improved. Now I really like it.

Was shit for me for the first 6 weeks I'd say, then seemed to get a bit better then by 12 weeks it was easy

One thing I always say though is who checked for tongue tie? Was it specialist breastfeeding people or a specialist tongue tie practitioner?

My first had an obvious tie. We got it corrected and I know there is a genetic link so asked the midwives to check. Definitely wasn't one. I asked for a second opinion bearing in mind my concerns and second midwife said definitely not. We continued to have issues (baby had a neck issue as well which caused pain when feeding and needed physio), constant feeding throughout the night etc. I asked a specialist breastfeeding person (the at a breastfeeding cafe group near me) and she gave me some good tips around positioning and said it looked like there might be an issue but to check with a qualified tt practitioner.

I did, and she had quite a restrictive posterior tie which affected feeding. They checked 7 things and only 1 of them was by site - the rest was rubbing different parts of the baby's mouth tongue and gums to see how she responded, and felt how the baby sucked on her finger etc.

Got it cut and she suddenly started being sick - basically shed never had enough to over fill her tummy before. She suddenly started going 3 or 4 hours between feeds. It made the world of difference.

Basically midwives have practically no training and are not really qualified to check properly. I wish they'd just told me that instead of assuring me there wasn't an issue

So always worth getting checked by a qualified tt practitioner if you think there might be an issue

God. Yes.

DS is 20 months now. But in the beginning...

Same as you. Feeding every 90 mins/2hrs throughout the day and night. Sometimes day feeds would be closer together... every hour in the beginning. He had no tongue tie. Just a very hungry babe... with colic. That was a bloody nightmare. Every evening from 6pm til about 9.30pm he'd go purple, draw his legs up and just cry and cry and cry and scream and scream. Nothing would soothe him apart from pacing up and down the kitchen like a lunatic.

My nipples were so sore. I ended up crying in pain because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore but I soldiered through it. Thank God for nipple cream!

I didn't even have another little one to cope with so you have my full sympathy. You will find a way to cope. During the day can you stick on a sling and let baby feed whilst you play with DS1? Multitasking to the max there but it can be done I've heard...

Sorry should have said aswd midwives to check second baby

I remember the awfulness of it.

With my first son, the first 8 weeks were horrendous!!

With my second son things weren’t quite so bad but yes, definitely draining,

You know what they say.....never give up on a bad day.

Congratulations on your baby and I hope things get easier soon

Yes the “never give up on a bad day” advice was the only thing that kept me going with DD2. I was so upset that things went to shit the first time that I REALLY wanted to make it work the second time. I repeated that mantra constantly!

Could your baby have reflux OP? Both mine had silent reflux and ended up on meds for a year or so. They were hell to feed in the early weeks. Constant fussing/back arching, they would latch on and off repeatedly which destroyed my nipples and hurt like hell every time. I pumped to give my boobs a break which helped enormously but it’s a lot of work with two children.

It was torturous at the time but I’m glad I persevered (until the night I was so damn tired I put the wrong sized shield on the breastpump and it practically inhaled my boob so I fucked the entire machine across the room in pain/temper and that was the end of my breastfeeding “journey” ) Set yourself mini goals “I’ll keep going until the end of February”. “I’ll keep going until baby is 6 weeks” etc etc. Then keep pushing it further and further until it either gets easy or you couldn’t be arsed anymore! Best of luck

Do you have a bfing clinic you can go to? I know he’s been checked but the fussing for half an hour sounds strange - you’d think a hungry baby would just try to eat? The baby is using up a lot of energy doing all that feeding for so long. I suspect a clinic might suggest you feed and then give a top up (expresses or formula) so he can build up strength to feed for longer. But that’s really garbled, half remembered advice from my own clinic when ds did really long feeds - please do get some proper advice. As well as the bfing clinic the Infant feeding section on here was invaluable.

One of mine was like that. I didn’t want to be knackered all day as I had another DC to worry about so for the feeds in the middle of the night I did 20 mins each side then topped up with formula just to get him off. Didn’t need to do it by the third week. Also had DP give one formula a night while I slept, still do. I insisted on EBF my first at any cost, but was more relaxed after. Many bf purists are horrified at any hint of partial combination feeding, but it worked well for us and I always got enough sleep.

found that boobs sort of settle at 6-8 weeks, which helped

Many bf purists are horrified at any hint of partial combination feeding, but it worked well for us

And for me. I did it for 15 months, which is way longer than I managed with the others who were ebf.

It is very common, 2 weeks is so early on. Just saw on my facebook memories the other day that my baby a year ago, at around 2 weeks old, was having just cat naps inbetween 2 hour breastfeeding sessions which as I recall involved a lot of fussing at the boob and switching from side to side but I remember from about a month old he was already down to roughly 10 minutes feeding time and sleeping much better.

He did turn out to have mild reflux (the kind that didn't affect his weight gain but did cause some bother) so that's something always to consider but at 2 weeks I would just put it down to normal newborn stuff right now.

I would echo mixed feeding. Giving the odd bottle will allow you to get some sleep and for your partner to get involved.
Don't lull yourself trying to BF. Yes it's best for baby but only if it's working for you. A stressed exhausted mum isn't going to be the best thing for your little one (or your older DC). There's a lot of pressure to BF but quite honestly a few years down the line no one gives a monkeys! Best of luck whatever you decide

My first was like this and it was hellish, I was so worried about the newborn stage again with my second but co-sleeping was an absolute game changer. My midwife gave me a leaflet about how to do it safely and it takes the sting massively out of an all night feeding session because there is no re settling needed. It sounds like you are having a really tough time, well done for getting this far!

I had a horrible time with DS1 to start with. Took about 8weeks for it to start getting easier.
DS2 on the other hand took to it straight away and never cluster fed or anything

I found the first few weeks fucking horrendous. I love it now but really didn't then.