Early weeks of breastfeeding - hellish for everyone?

[Pinkypieohmy]

Breastfeeding Ds2 two weeks old.
And finding it horrific.
He feeds all night, up every 90 minutes sometimes, spends half an hour fussing at the breast before latching on then spends another 90 minutes feeding both sides.
I must be getting about 2-3 hours broken sleep if I am lucky. He sometimes does the same through the day.
I’m Also anaemic after a significant blood loss during cs.
I have never felt tiredness like this!

Ds has been checked for toungue tie, doesn’t have this, latch is fine. No known reason for him to do this.

Plus ds1 is competing for my attention and playing up. He is very jealous of the attention on the new baby. Dh due back at work next week and I am panicking about coping!
Is it like this for everyone? Is breastfeeding supposed to be hell on Earth for a while?

I quit at this point with ds1 and I really want to try and persevere this time..... but if things continue this way I can’t see how!

Who checked your child for Tongue Tie?
Was it a proper Lactation Consultant or just a midwife?
Because I struggled through 2 weeks of breastfeeding hell until i spoke to my country's breastfeeding hotline, and they said it sounded like a tongue tie, recommended i see an LC locally, and get nipple shields in the meantime. Nipple shields saved us. Instant relief.
The midwives at the hospital gave DS a quick check when he was born, and didn't notice the tongue tie.
I had him seen by an LC at 4 weeks, and they confirmed tongue tie (a mild one, but enough to cause me pain), got the procedure done, and breastfeeding is a lot less painful now.

I've breastfed two. It wasn't hellish but it was hard with my first. He always struggled to latch and pulled off. Both had reflux so had that issue too. I had times of pain and biting etc but on the whole I loved (and still love) breastfeeding. I think the first few weeks of having a newborn baby are so hard whether you breastfeed or not. Congratulations on your baby.

Do you have anyone who can come in and help by either taking the baby for a walk while you focus on the older one for a bit to help with the jealousy or to play with the older one? If not, there is no problem with lots of TV or chocolate or whatever gets you through.

@Sparklingbrook that's because for some of us breast feeding is easy. HV and midwives also don't want to make breast feeding rates lower than they are even though some of them are useless in giving help.

OP yes your experience is on the range of normal. One of my friends with a baby a couple of weeks older than my mine had a similar experience so she gave her DD one bottle a day to help her out. She was puzzled why I could be out and about so quickly but realised when I visited her, my baby simply didn't feed as long as her babies did and didn't cluster feed in the day as she has more than one child. Mine cluster fed from 5pm until 11pm.

Yes. But it does get easier. Their mouths get bigger and heads stronger which helps a lot.
Get a Chico boppy pillow, expensive but so worth it for long night feeds as they are really large and firm and hold baby in place properly. https://www.mothercare.com/feeding-pillows/chicco-boppy-pillow---woodsie/913401.html?wgu=1198319667331550301273362939d6b8021e&wgexpiry=1558077273&utmmsource=webgains&utmmedium=affiliates&utmmcontent=91999&utmcampaign=RedBrain%20Ltdd196673
Lansinoh nipple cream is amazing, just slather it on after every feed.

Are you able to express? If so start to pump and freeze. Then after baby is 6 weeks (once bf is established) maybe let DH give one expressed bottle per day so that you have some time with DS1.
Find a local bf support group, they are useful and you'll get lots of tips and meet other mums in the same boat.

I think the rosy expectations of breastfeeding could also make people stop. At one point I was convinced I was going to get a serious infection and need my boobs amputating as they were in such a state because I didn't know how bad it could get in the early days.

I knew my DM had greedy IUGR babies that ate a lot so I wasn't to alarmed by DD wanting to feed constantly but I can see how others would interpret that as them not making enough milk and give up.

In my experience (two kids), yes it is really hard for first two months. After that though it gets really convenient and easy! Definitely hang in there if you can as i found formula feeding my first (after initially bf) a right faff, i pushed through the pain with my second and it was much easier after first few months. I had pain for the first few months both times, probably due to a bad latch to start with and your nipples get no time to heal in between feeds. Lahsinoh is really good, apply after each feed religiously.
Also, highly recommend a Sleepyhead as settles the baby in between feeds - a godsend!

Not hellish (4 kids).

Yes sleep deprivation & mess & aches. With some DC I had painful letdown (like electric shocks) for first 4-6 wks. Nobody else ever reports that.

I never had anemia, cracked or bleeding nipples, jealous toddlers, multiple 90 minute feeds at night, tongue-tie, colic or reflux.

One brief bout of mastitis with DC2 (which sorted itself). I suppose sometimes a bit sore, too.

lljkk I get the electric shock let down too!

oh neat ; well not neat, coz it's not nice. But no one else ever mentions it. I worried a lot with first DC not able to understand what it was. I learnt how to cope, relax into it. Had none with DC2, returned with vengence DC3, and mild with DC4. Basically the stronger the latch, the stronger the electric tingles. And DC3 had a vise like latch. Like having a TENS machine strapped to boobs?

I nearly gave up with ds1 at your stage but kept going and now am so glad. It suddenly clicked at 4 weeks. The first 2 were the worst.
Things that helped:
Get support. In fact, demand support from your midwives even if you have been discharged.
BF support groups - really helped me.
I paid for a session with lactation consultant, was very useful.
Is your baby actively feeding for all the time he is on? Listen for the swallowing and if no swallowing for a few minutes then take off gently as that’s comfort sucking. Some will say you should allow that whenever they want but I say you need some sleep.
Keep going - it will be worth it. Any redness/sign of infection/lump in breast go to GP immediately.

Ds3 was particularly enthusiastic about milk. I resulted in co-sleeping as I was recovering from a c section, it hurt too much to get up and down, and he wanted milk none stop. He is turning 2 next week and is still bf all the time!!!

Is there anyone who could take baby for an hour for you to have a break? Or have you thought about co-sleeping? If it really is getting too much maybe introduce a bottle or 2 as set times each day (or switch to bottles completely).

Yes! It's such hard work at first! To the point where you question why you're doing this to yourself.

I always say if you can get through the first 8 weeks or so then it becomes easier than ff and you'll be so glad you stuck it out. No sterilising, so making up bottles and it's free! But those first 8 weeks can be tough.

TwoRoundabouts, out of all the people I knew that BF only one friend found it easy and told me they couldn't understand why I was struggling.

Just as nobody expects a calm natural birth I think HCPs should at least mention the initial difficulties a lot of women have trying to BF so it isn't such a shock. People being told that the intitial weeks can be tough but often turns out fine in time might increase them giving it a go.

lljkk yes, like a TENS machine attached to my breast is exactly how I described it to DH.

I didn't breastfeed but still fed every 1.5 hours. I just don't know why women put themselves through it! Every woman's choice but it just sounds horrific.

If anyone is struggling with their latch my consultant recommended YouTube videos for exaggerated latch. The best one I found featured an older American lady called Corky something. Really detailed explanation and it’s made a massive difference to me.

I gave up with my first at six weeks as he was a very slow feeder and I really struggled to get a good latch. In hindsight I should have held off introducing formula, but I was exhausted and overwhelmed. He did seem to prefer formula.
With number two I decided to just see how it went. I had an EMCS so the first few days were very sore, but I did keep going as we were in hospital (both quite ill) and I could faff around getting the bed just right so I was comfy. He genuinely did not like formula, he'd either spit it out or not take any at all. The one time I did get more than a drop in him, he pooed a blood clot the following day.
I recommend Lansinoh cream and a good feeding cushion. Once ds2 got a little bigger he got very quick at feeding. Didn't sleep through the night until aged three though and that broke me.

Thanks everyone for sharing their experiences.
I don’t think women are realistically prepared for how hard this can be!

I have taken some good points from here I’m definitely going to get latch re checked and check for toungue tie. There is a local breastfeeding group on tomorrow I wonder if they can do l this for me.
Totally agree with the poster who said everything is worse at night. It really is!
But I’m still going and will have try to persevere as long as possible but I’m also considering trying mixed feeding.
Thanks all

Thanks for updating OP, hang in there and hope it gets easier soon

Yes absolutely.
Both mine were agony, so so painful for the first few weeks. They are also just learning to feed and getting your milk established.
It does get better, I promise! 💐

Absolutely, I was told it shouldn't hurt but apparantly DD was perfect at breastfeeding and had no issues- My nipples were SO sore, i literally cried everytime she latched for the first few weeks. Shes now nearly 2, and she's still breastfeeding!

I had a traumatic birth with my first but he was an amazing feeder, no issues at all. 7 years later I had my second by ELCS and feeding was a nightmare. My milk didn’t come in for days and she was latched on constantly. Because if that I had sore, cracked nipples. Every feed o was in tears. It did settle down after a few weeks. I was pregnant by the time she was 4 months old and she went from feeding constantly to not wanting to. We limped on until she was 10 months old and I was 5 months pregnant. My 3rd baby I fed again with mi issues at all until he was around 19 months.

Thats great about the group, go to it! At the least they can watch you feed and might spot any issues. And you can let off some steam.

lljkk I got the electric shock let down for the whole 14 months I breastfeed DD! Got it again with current baby but it calmed down around 10 months