To think a 40 minute commute isn't that long

[Thesunisonitsway]

Dp has applied for a job which is perfect for him. He however is concerned that the 40 minute drive is a big downside. I don't feel that's that long dp thinks it could take longer than hour if these traffic in the mornings or evenings.

Hmm. I commute an hour each way, but it's by train, so I can read or catch up with email. If I were driving I'd really resent it - I suppose these days I might get into audiobooks, but in the days when I had to drive regularly the waste of time drove me insane.

It's not fun, but it is doable. I have commuted for 3.5- 4 hours and also for 10 minutes, and it'd be absurd to pretend that the 10 minutes wasn't nicer.

But the bottom line is that the two of you disagree, and that's about much more than the commute. You have different values (or one or other of you is expecting something of a partner that you wouldn't do). You need to discuss that, separately from this job. Why does he object to the idea of a 1 hour commute? Would he always think it was too much? What could change his mind? If he won't consider it, does he expect you will be similarly inflexible? If you can't earn because of the restrictions his feelings about commutes put on your lifestyle/where you live, how would he feel? Etc.

Two hours each way, so no forty minutes does not sound anything like a deal breaker...

40 minutes is entirely so-able. Does he actually want the job? If it is perfect then this commute length is surely not an issue

if the moneys good it will be worth it

my bro in law does 2 hours each way dh albeit on a train and walking does about an hour each way

I think he should test the commute in rush hour or get satnav to tell you how long at rush hour time.

Might be worth considering if he would be able to change hours at all to avoid rush hours.

My current commute is 40 minutes, my previous was 2.25 hours, and before that 2.5 hours.

Having said that, it's only 40 minutes if I leave by 7am, so I get to work about 7.30am. If I leave home at 8am, for an 8.40am start, it takes an hour and a half.
It does usually take about 40 ins home, but I tend to leave about 6pm, so I miss a bit of the traffic.

I think it's fab!

If you are parents and both have a commute of around an hour, there’s no one very handy for the almost inevitable needs-picked-up-at-once calls from school.

I found it hard going from 6 mins to 12 (15 at peak time!) So I'm probably not the best to give an opinion!

What does 'perfect' mean? 'perfect' in whose mind?
Whats he doing now? How does that compare to the new job?

My ideal job where I had to commute that far for the same amount (or not much more) money when I had a job that I thought was ok and on my doorstep - wouldn't do it

My ideal job, that far away when I currently don't have a job/disliked my current job - would jump at it

My ideal job, that far away for twice as much money for a job I thought was ok - probably would go

We’re rural here so if people refused to commute 40 minutes, nobody would work as that’s how long it is to the nearest town or city.

40 minutes is nothing. Your DH is BU.

He definitely needs to try the route at rush hour. And also try to see if there are alternative routes. My commute allegedly takes 43 minutes to destination, I knowing I were to do the route shown it would easily take twice that. Over the years I’ve found alternative routes that mean my commute now takes 40 minutes and I only hit queueing traffic once on the way there.
I wouldn’t commute any further and even after 15 years of the same I still grudge the 10 hours a week I spend in my car and the fuel bill.

I used to supply teach. 40 mins against the flow of traffic on quiet rural roads earlier than the main flow of traffic, very pleasant.

40 minutes to get 15 miles into the neighbouring city, not pleasant. Particularly if the routes are affected by traffic problems elsewhere in the area.

I knowing I were to do the route shown it ?? I have no idea what this even means.
I know if I were.....

Not that bad if it really is - but worth testing cause 120 may feel like a very different prospect. I do 1h15 every day but it is half my old commute so I am fine with it.

It's c. 7 hours a week he can't do childcare, relax, help around the house etc.

Is the job 'perfect' enough and paying enough to compensate for those 7 hours? Including eg. childcare costs/getting a cleaner, or is the job satisfaction enough that he's happy to take those on the chin?

I wouldn't take a job that far away, around the corner and able to walk is the only job I'd take.

We’re rural here so if people refused to commute 40 minutes, nobody would work as that’s how long it is to the nearest town or city.

We're rural too - we live in a hamlet (think no shop, pub, post office ... but two farms selling free-range eggs ...), and DP commutes 10 minutes by bike as she works on a site designed for agriculture research. A lot of people commute no distance at all as they work on the farms. It's not automatic that being rural necessitates a long commute.

I'm saying this just because I think it's worth acknowledging people do have different priorities in life. If you live in a village where there's no local employment, like you, then you must commute. But if you want to live rurally, you might be able to do that and still find a short commute. The issue is how the OP's partner actually thinks about all of this, I guess!

My previous job was 45-50 minutes on Google Maps, 1.5-2 hours on rush hour traffic. I spent 3-4 hours in my car every single day and I hated it. I left the job after four months because I could not cope with spending such a long time in the car. The frustration as you see the time passing and you're not moving is awful.

My commute now is 40 mins door to door, that's a 10-15 min drive to the station, 15 mins on the train and 5 minutes to my office. That's no problem at all because 40 mins is maximum.

I would never, ever take on a job again with such an awful commute.

Will he have flexibility on start and finish times? Any option to work from home eg once per week?
40 mins is fine in theory but it is more likely to be 1 hour in rush hour.
How does that work with childcare (if any).

I couldn't bear that but my longest commute ever has been 20 mins and currently is 5! Depends on the pay I suppose, I have friends with long commutes but they're on 50k plus

I spent 23 years doing a commute that was 40mins on clear roads, but just over an hour at peak times. I used to start out early to avoid the rush, and have a coffee when I got to work. It was okay unless it snowed - when everything ground to a halt as there were several slight, but long, hills that were impassible on icy roads. My record was four and a half hours to get home one evening...
Get him to drive the route at the times he'd be using it (& NOT in the school holidays when the traffic is a lot less).
When I retired, the commute was the thing that I missed least..!

I do 25 miles each way. On a clear run it takes 30 minutes, typically it'll take 45 minutes but it can take well over 90 minutes on a bad day. It's life, get over it.

I walk 2 work and it takes 40 mins...it really isn't that long

I work 20 miles away - 30 mins on a clear runn, sometimes double that. It’s a pain sometimes but I benefit from fairly flexible working so I can avoid the most hellish 30 mins of the day.
It’s doable if you like the job !