To think these teachers are unprofessional

[RescueRemedy21]

My friend is a teacher at my son's primary school. She teaches a different class to my son and has never taught my son. They have little to no contact at school.

I told my son's current teacher some information about extra support in place outside of school to help my son academically. It was useful for her to know so that they could share information/support etc.

Today my friend questioned my son about this at lunchtime at school. Therefore my son's teacher has told my friend. My friend has nothing to do with my son at school, there is no reason for this information to have been shared other than idle gossip. I think they have both been unprofessional. I don't know how to handle it though without upsetting the friendship.

My son is mortified as he didn't want anyone knowing about the additional support and my friend questioned him about it in front of his friends.

AIBU to think they are both out of order? Would you raise it? If so how?

Your friend was out of order to mention it in front of your son's friends and I'd tell her so she doesn't do it again, not only was it unprofessional but it was thoughtless.
I don't know enough about teaching and schools as to if that is something that is discussed between teachers e.g. to help raise awareness of where help can be sought

I think I would speak to your friend and express your concern and explain it has upset your son. It might be heavy handed to go to the head

Yes. I would raise it. I would ask to see the Head and bypass the teachers. If both teachers teach him, sharing of information and working out teaching strategies is fair enough and they should take into account what you have told the teacher. However, in this scenario your permission should have been sought.

However that’s not the case here. The Head should be informed that this discussion between staff appears to have taken place and your child has been questioned by another teacher who had no reason to know of the external interventions and wasn’t included in the original discussion. The action of the tracher(s) doesn’t sound reasonable to me.,

Try unschooling
So much better

I think you could mention to your friend that your son was a bit upset and it wasn't sensitive.

I think that there are lots of reasons a teacher might share information with another teacher which are not to do with gossip. Teachers observe each other, moderate each others books, train each other, talk to each other for ideas, they even buddy up to grill each other on progress data, proof read each others reports - lots of reasons to discuss pupils. So I would be careful jumping to conclusions there.

I think the issue lies with your son's actual teacher. Unless there is a need to know (which in this case there isn't) a teacher shouldn't be discussing a pupil with anyone else. Yes your friend probably shouldn't have mentioned it - especially not in front of classmates - but there is a very strong possibility that she was unaware that the information was private and not to be discussed.

I would speak to both teachers - class teacher to specify that any information that you discuss with her about son is to remain private and friend to ask that she doesn't mention it to your son in front of his friends again.

Is your friend a subject leader(in the subject your son struggles with) ,part of SLT/senco/pastoral care team?

The information about the child is data. It should not be shared with people who don’t need to know. Therefore raise it with the Head. The teacher doesn’t understand confidentiality. See attached guidance about data protection.

My friend teaches 6 year olds and is not a subject leader. My son is in year 6.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect teachers to share information, tbh. If you didn't want it to be mentioned in front of your son, you needed to make that clear.

Then they both behave unprofessionally. The friend even more so in my eyes.

It's reasonable and appropriate for teachers to talk to each other about students. As pp have mentioned, teachers might observe each other, mentor each other and so on. It is possible that this may have been discussed for teaching reasons. School would be an odd place if teachers couldn't discuss students with each other.

However, your friend should not have spoken to your child about it. That isn't necessary and that's the part that I would speak to your friend about. If you give the class teacher further information then be clear that you don't want any other teacher to know.

The sharing information is annoying but not terrible, however questioning your child in front of his friends is bang out of order and must be in breach of some kind of policy.

I’m sorry bridget but you are wrong. Information isn’t just thrown around to anyone who doesn’t need to know. If a child is sensitive about it, the school should consider their feelings and not talk openly about what they were told. The Head needs to know. Would they talk about something very serious so openly? If they don’t understand confidentiality they need an urgent reminder. Why is the child wrong in this case? He feels upset and shamed. It should not have happened.

@bridgetreilly Would you be happy with your boss sharing private information about you with colleagues? Our children deserve the same level of privacy. As OP has stated her friend teaches in completely different part of the school - in which way would it benefit anyone for this information to be shared? It is not perfectly reasonable.

Teachers talking to each other about pupils is very normal and useful. You can ask advice, get input, bounce ideas off each other, check each others 'working out' etc. What isn't appropriate is your friend talking to your son about it in front of his friends. I would probably say something to her about him being upset and ask her not to do it again but that's really all.

Just out of curiosity, why would you not want anyone to know about the private tuition?
Also, teachers talk to each other all the time. We are in the same job and have the same issues. Teachers talking to other teachers about a child happens all the time! It's called collaborative working.
And for the person who mentioned DPR, you're so off the mark it's laughable.

How does knowing that a child (who is not in your class) is accessing out of school academic support, improve a teacher's (from a different department) ability to teach?

your poor little boy
I would report this to the head and let them deal with it
There is no reason or purpose for your friend to have been told this and they should never have approached your son to discuss it
I'd be really cross if they couldn't come up with a suitable explanation

The OP did want someone to know! His teacher. Fair enough. The information stops there. It doesn’t get discussed with other people.

"AIBU to think they are both out of order?"

It's totally out of order.

"Would you raise it?" Yes.

"If so how?" Speak to the class teacher and then speak to your friend.

It was out of order and unprofessional.

No! Teachers do talk about students, yes But NEVER about additional help etc unless they know the other teacher has a need to know and thatthe student has agreed for that information to be shared.

And a chat in public is an even worse calumny!

Have a look on the school website find the named person for safeguarding and contact them. You can tell them just how upset your son was to have his support made so public agianst his wishes and how you have lost trust in their safeguarding measures.

Both of those teachers need a quick reminder of why safeguarding exists.

We are in the same job and have the same issues. Teachers talking to other teachers about a child happens all the time!

It shouldn't. Not unless both teachers teach the same child and the information is pertinent to the teaching or supporting that child. You can easily ask advice and support colleagues whilst upholding the anonymity of the child.

@Soontobe60 He is having tuition because he is struggling at school, despite reassuring him it isn't something he wants his peers to know. I respect that and wouldn't share the information, however it was useful for his class teacher to know as she provides half termly reports on what he struggles with in class to advise the tutor.

The thing is would the friend had approached OP's son if they weren't friends? There was no need or benefit at all for her to question him,much less in front of his peers.