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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a nap is 30mins?

102 replies

WhatNow40 · 14/02/2019 13:44

A grown adult who sleeps 7-8 hours at night shouldn't need to nap in the daytime. DH will nap on every day off he gets.

He doesn't have a manual job and had a full blood test. He's not anaemic.

He'll say he's going up for an hour but sleep for 3hrs. It seriously impacts family time, we haven't done anything together for months. This excessive napping has been for about 9 months.

AIBU? I want him to go back to the drs and be more explicit about his my health concerns.

OP posts:
3out · 14/02/2019 13:48

Sounds like depression. Or, is he a heavy snorer?

NoSquirrels · 14/02/2019 13:58

Sleep apnea?

On the other hand, I am listening to the fascinating "Why We Sleep" book by Matthew Walker (I think?) and research says that adults who continue to nap are healthier... humans are supposed to have "bi-phasic" sleep and so a daytime nap is a good thing. Probably not a 3-hour nap, though.

WhatTheNightBrings · 14/02/2019 14:01

You mean a healthy grown adult?

Plenty of grown adults need more sleep.

BeanTownNancy · 14/02/2019 14:02

I love a nap of a weekend. If my 2yo goes for a nap, sometimes I do as well. Husband plays xbox. :D

Naps should either be 20-30 mins, 90 mins or 3 hours to get the best rest.

If, however, his naps are disrupting the family then maybe he needs to sleep longer at nights on those days?

justasking111 · 14/02/2019 14:03

You know this is not normal, back to GP I would say. What type of work does he do is it extremely physical.

ErickBroch · 14/02/2019 14:06

Adult here - If I have a day off I enjoy having an hour nap, feels like a huge treat. I sleep 6hrs a night.

I appreciate that if they have other responsibilities/commitments to their family though it can be annoying for you. 3hrs is excessive

MegaBat · 14/02/2019 14:07

It's called a habit. So I wouldn't be too concerned from a medical point of view

ChefsFloozie · 14/02/2019 14:08

My DH would do that til recently. Turned out it was a side effect of depression and with antidepressants hasn’t needed to since. And he has a very physical job.

PCohle · 14/02/2019 14:09

That seems an awful lot of sleep. Can he cope without a nap when he's at work or is it clearly just a choice he's making on days off?

I mean if napping is his "hobby" then fine I guess, but I would suspect he's using it as a way of opting out of family life (do you have DC?).

WhatHaveIFound · 14/02/2019 14:12

Am thinking of heading for a nap shortly but i have the excuse that i generally only get 6 hours sleep (and have a killer headache today).

In your DH's case i think i'd be going to the doctor to find out what was causing the tiredness.

citychick · 14/02/2019 14:15

Given how much time we all spend staring at laptops/ phones/ pc these days I'm not surprised many love to nap.

DH spends most of the day at his computer and his eyes are almost bloodshot by bedtime.

Does he stare at a screen for long periods of time?

I also know a few people who just love to slope off for a snooze.

Growing up we would never have napped ( country folk) but I know plenty of townies who think nothing of it.

Everybody's body is different.

I suppose if you are concerned, no harm in making a GP appointment.

AngelaStorm73 · 14/02/2019 14:18

If I (ever get the bloody opportunity to) nap in the day it would be for an hour and a half. Any less and I would just feel worse than if I haven't bothered.

It could be indicative of an underlying condition, or maybe he just likes to sleep? How often does he have days off?

MustShowDH · 14/02/2019 14:21

I nap everyday. Usually 2+hours. The only reason I'm not sleeping now is Mumsnet.

At the weekends, I nap to escape my DH, my dull life, my childs homework... I can think of ANY reason to nap!

Wonder what your DH is trying to avoid???

NoSquirrels · 14/02/2019 14:23

Do you not wake him after 45 minutes, though? Or an hour and a half? If he's struggling to get up and it's interfering with family time then just wake him up...

justforareply · 14/02/2019 14:27

I nap for an hour in the week if not working and at weekend DH and I usually nap for an hour, especially if we've had a lunchtime wine or beer.
Did it when DC little - they just had a nap or a bit of down time between long morning of activity/lunch and the next thing on the agenda
Obvs not if big day out or anything else more fun/important

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 14/02/2019 14:30

FFS, why is there always someone who suggests depression whenever someone acts what THEY would class out of the ordinary?'

What the F is wrong with grabbing a cheek 30 minute 'power nap' ???

Leave the poor sod alone! Hmm

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 14/02/2019 14:32

Just noticed his 'naps' are 3 hours. Oooooops! Blush

As you were!

Yep, that IS a bit much OP. He prob needs to see a GP about it.

Reastie · 14/02/2019 14:33

I can’t get through the day without a nap atm, but I’m pg and growing a person which I’m pretty certain isn’t the case for your dh Grin

Chesneyhawkes1 · 14/02/2019 14:34

I love a nap! 30 mins wouldn't be enough for me. I don't nap if I get a good nights sleep though.

Anything less than 5 hours and I have a little afternoon nap for about an hour or so.

carrotflinger · 14/02/2019 14:34

I don't think 7-8 hours sleep a night is a lot. I need more than that to function.
Those of you who can get by on that and don't need a nap during the daytime - well, good for you.
Maybe he should try to get more sleep at night. I need 9 - 10 hours and I am healthy by the way. Less than that and I need a sleep in the afternoon of about 1 hour.
Or let him have a nap but agree that you wake him after an agreed length of time.

Doesn't mean he has a health problem just because you have the good fortune to need less sleep.
If he's just using it as an excuse to get out of doing jobs/spending time with the family, then he needs a kick up the bum.

Friedspamfritters · 14/02/2019 14:35

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99

He's not getting a 30 minute power nap he sleeps 3 hours during the middle of the day so his family ca't have a day out. It's definitely not normal.

I would investigate sleep apnea. Is he tired during the day at work? Is he possibly just being lazy? What happens if you say you're going out for the day so he can't nap?

soberfabulous · 14/02/2019 14:35

I could easily nap for 3 hours each and every day given half a chance. My ideal night's sleep would be 12 hours!

This isn't about his sleep though, it's about him putting himself above the family. I certainly don't nap every weekend to the detriment of family time.

Melroses · 14/02/2019 14:35

thyroid, haemochromatosis? send him back to the GP.

WhenTheSkyFalls · 14/02/2019 14:35

Bare in mind that an adults sleep cycle is 45 minutes, so anything less than that is counter productive.

Mymadworld · 14/02/2019 14:37

For a healthy adult getting a decent nights sleep, I find the concept of napping altogether weird. My DH does it and it drive me bonkers partly because it just seems like an excuse to duck out of life/kids/chores etc but also because he's then awake on his iPad when I want to go to sleep at night (& I rarely go to bed before 11:30 so we're not talking early). If you're tired, just get through the day like the rest of us and go to bed earlier.

And op, 3 hours is a piss poor excuse to do bugger all not a quick nap!

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