To think a nap is 30mins?

[WhatNow40]

A grown adult who sleeps 7-8 hours at night shouldn't need to nap in the daytime. DH will nap on every day off he gets.

He doesn't have a manual job and had a full blood test. He's not anaemic.

He'll say he's going up for an hour but sleep for 3hrs. It seriously impacts family time, we haven't done anything together for months. This excessive napping has been for about 9 months.

AIBU? I want him to go back to the drs and be more explicit about his my health concerns.

Is he sleeping at night? Could he have sleep apnoea?

Just curious, those who nap - what about days you're working, have kids, out for the day? Presumably you can get through without nodding off so why the need on other days?

My DH regularly sneaks off for an afternoon nap for 2+ hours at weekends. He works hard, travels a long way for work, gets up at 5.30am every day, and even going to bed at 9.30pm he is still tired at the end of the week. I can’t resent him taking the time to get extra sleep if he needs it.

For avoidance of doubt, I also work full time, just home based. And I don’t need as much sleep

My naps are about 3 hours but I don't have them every week. I think the last time I was napping regularly was when I was on a downward spiral with depression.

I need 3 hours for a nap - I don't nap anymore for this reason!

30 mins to fall asleep - then one full sleep cycle (90 mins) then 30 mins to be fully awake and functioning again

I banned myself from daytime napping due to insomnia and I have to keep a fairly strict schedule of bed before 11 pm and up again by 7:30 am otherwise I have sleep problems rear their head again

no lie-ins either

exception only made when ill (napped with the flu in early January)

I think they call it good sleep 'hygeine' which means no tv, devices or reading in the bedroom, bedroom is only for sleep and sex. Room the correct temperature, rigid bedtimes and awakening times, no naps.

I am a different and happier person for it

Most parents of small children are probably chronically sleep deprived over a period of time. Before kids I used to have amazing lie ins that I can only wish for now. But, for me, those lie-ins were the way I managed to catch-up on sleep from a busy job and commute. If your DH is the same then naps might be needed. 7-8 hours probably isn’t that much if you’ve got a long commute or a stressful job.

I'm not sure that there are any hard and fast rules for the amount of sleep needed, it varies enormously!

I could nap any time of day, even when I've just got up. I sometimes think I could sleep for 12-14 hours a day easily without waking, apart from needing a wee.

I'm not depressed either, I'm just fairly lazy and love sleep

I created this OP as he was sleeping at the time. I'd already tried to wake him. He's upstairs, I'm downstairs with DS. I was nodding off as Ive been unwell and throwing up last night, then DS was up 3 times with a bad cough.

I fell asleep and DS decided to play football in the house, missed the ball and kicked a bookcase. Queue tears and guilt, DH came down to help but with no guilt whatsoever about sleeping longer than he said he would. He took today off work for us all to spend together. But then he sleeps most of the waking hours that we could take DS somewhere nice as a family.

He works in an office, not manual work. But screens all day. Yes he has depression and been on meds for 3 years. This has been going on for 9 months or so.

I'm scared he has cancer. I know that's a massive leap. Please talk me down. Didn't mean this to be a massive drip feed, sorry.

We've had a letter through the post today, arrived after I wrote OP. I didn't realise the blood test he had recently hadn't fully come back. He's not anaemic but has low folic acid and low vit D. He needs to book an appointment.

He's not vegan and quite enjoys red meat. He eats lots of vegetables. Over the last year we have been on holiday with lots of sun exposure and also in the UK last summer. He's never been low on these things before.

He's 18 months sober, having been a very heavy but functioning drinker for about 15 yrs. his GP does not know this.

His immediate family history of cancer including dad with bowel cancer. FILs symptoms started with fatigue and then they found unexplained anaemia before they found the cancer.

What do you think? He's just started a new job but at same company, just in a different team. He's 2 weeks in. GP only does on the day appointments. I want him to get one for tomorrow, and call in when he know what time his appointment is. AIBU on that?

This isn't normal. The vast majority of healthy adults need somewhere between 7-8 hours per 24 hours. He's averaging way more.

Does he sleep the night through after a 3 hour nap?? Absolutely not normal. so that's 10-11 hours per 24. Nah. There's summat amiss. Possibly sleep apnoea or depression.

It's not about quantity of sleep. It's about quality. Unfortunately I have ME, with a barage of other things, that is NOT detectable by any diagnostics. More a case of ruling out what it isn't before simply being left was ME as the only possible reason.

I am exhausted. I sleep on average from 10pm-6am each day. So 8 hours. I am still fucking drained. I feel tired after about an hour of being up and woujld happily go to bed.

In fact, on my weekday off, I do the school run then go home and go back to bed until about midday. And I sleep.

He may be getting 8-10 hours but he might have shit sleep quality. I slept for 12 hours straight the other day and still woke up like the living dead.

I work 4 days a week and have DS at the weekend so effectively have 6 full on days a week where I don't stop. It cripples me and the first chance I get to go and have a nap, I do. Fortunately, my husband understands my illness and it doesn't cause any issues.

I'm sorry you're so worried OP - you sound lovely.

It's much much more likely to be depression than cancer. However in the circumstances I think seeing the GP again might be sensible - and I would ask him to mention his drinking and his family history. That said, I don't think there's a huge degree of urgency in this and insisting he sees the GP tomorrow when he's just started a new role is, IMO, excessive.

I also have low vitamin D and iron but my red blood count is fine.

The medication he is on for his depression may make him tired. Do you know what he is on?

I can't remember the other symptoms but I remember a friend's DP finally being diagnosed with coeliac disease and I'm sure one of his symptoms was sleeping a lot.

I think he needs to speak to his GP.

The sooner he sees a gp the better. It doesn’t need to be tomorrow but ASAP and get checked out for cancer due to the family history and similarity. Idk if it’s hereditary.

Getting a new job internally should have no bearing. He needs time to attend to his health. He’s been told to see the dr. His employer may make him take holiday or let him make up the time. Of course he should try to get an early / late appointment. Can he get a suitable one for next week?

Just read your update.

I wouldn't worry about cancer. That's quite a leap. Vit D or folic acid deficiency isn't very uncommon, so again I wouldn't be overly concerned.
With his history, depression could be an answer.

Agree with PCohle, it's not urgent but a visit to the GP is in order.

I frequently have a 10-20 minute nap. I only ever have more if I've had a terrible night's sleep and then never longer than an hour. Is he 'escaping' family life?

When DH is off work (rarely) we get the DC up in the morning and snuggle up in bed for a family nap after eating a full English. We love it we do spend time together afterwards though.

DH always jokes our family used to be cats in a past life because all we do is eat, sleep and generally be lazy

Where I live, LOTS of adults sleep for 1-2 hours after lunch. It's a cultural thing. My OH always naps when possible! So no, I don't think it's inherently a sign of bad health. Whether it is for your OH or not is another question.

The fact that his are so long and that is impacts on family time is obviously a reason to discuss it with him. If you've told him that and he just doesn't care, then he's clearly being unreasonable.

I like a nap myself but 3 hours is excessive

Mine’s the same. He could sleep for 10 hrs at night and still nap for 2-3 hrs. He naps for a few hours each day at the weekend. He manages without during the week and if we go out for the day but he struggles with tiredness - on days out we normally come back back early so he can nap. He’s not depressed, he’s always been like this and his family are the same. It was fine when our youngest still needed a nap but now they don’t it’s annoying.

Are you worried he’s drinking again

How much exercise does he do? I find that when I'm in a good phase for exercising I don't feel as tired as when I'm not exercising. Often too, after dinner I could feel exhausted, but if I take the dog for a walk (about an hour) I feel way better afterwards.

I need min 8 hours sleep per night to be in good nick
If I'm premenstrual or have had insomnia - once per month or so - I will sometimes go for a kip at the weekend, usually ends up being 2-3 hours - but I'd never do it unless desperate and never if it left OH and kids in the lurch. Sleep banking is good for you, apparently
Perhaps your OH needs to go to bed earlier, generally?

Just saw your second post, he also needs to disclose to his GP re his familial history and previous alcohol use. But personally I wouldn't pull a sickie to go to the GP when a) he had today off and b) he's only in the new position 2 weeks. Just arrange an appointment for next week for thing one morning. Better be an hour late for work that work has been notified off that just not going in tomorrow.