To think that Mumsnetters suggest leaving DP's & DH's at the drop of a hat?

[ohmywhattodo]

That really! I’ve been with my DH nearly 23 yrs and married over 18.5yrs. Seriously speaking reading the mn posts I would have been told to leave him multiple times - yet I don’t want to be divorced from him and both he and I love each other. We have several children and if I’d left him every time we’ve had a serious disagreement or said things in the heat of arguments or when things have been tough (& there have been many) our children would have been much much worse off both financially and stability wise. Relationships take ALOT of work and even more when there are children involved - frankly reading Mumsnet I’m not surprised that the number of children from split families is so high if virtually nobody seem willing to actually work at a relationship.

toomuchtoolittle I’m not sure why you’re so angry with me, for doing nothing more than saying your husband shouldn’t be calling you a bitch. I don’t think anyone should be calling you a bitch.

@53rdWay but I am 😁 I'm a psycho bitch in fact.

I think women on MN are willing to put up with truly shocking shit from their partners, and that there is generally a very low standard set for men

and

Abused women have been groomed by their partners over years to accept ever increasing levels of control, to the point that they see it as normal.

Mumsnet performs a valuable service in resetting these women’s norms, in showing them they do not have to accept emotional, financial, sexual or physical abuse, in giving them the emotional support and legal advice they need to leave their abusers. Saying that they are moaning about nothing, or giving up too easily, is colluding with abuse. Please don’t say anything that might dissuade a vulnerable woman with low self esteem from leaving.

from, I think LilaJude and Babdoc, some way back. Absolutely to both. In the eight years I've been on Mn, what has struck me most forcibly about the Relationships forum is how many women stick it out in awful relationships longterm, because their self-esteem is so eroded it's at sea-level and they think that appalling behaviour from a spouse or partner is normal.

I'm strongly in favour of the take-no-prisoners attitude on here -- if someone's relationship is strong, I don't think an internet thread is going to damage it, and I'm happy for Mn to risk that for all the times that hearing a bunch of strong, common-sense voices pointing out that options other than a miserable or abusive marriage are available has given a woman , if not the tools to leave, then at least the dawning sense that her life should not be this hard.

We don't have heated arguments and throw names at each other. I can't imagine my DH ever raising his voice to me. It's just not who he is. I think the worst I've ever said to him is that he sounds like he's channeling his mother.

I didn't read it has him repeatedly calling her a bitch. She stated that he calls her a bitch during an argument. We don't even know how often they argue. For all we know their last argument might have been in 1978 when he tripped over a pair of her shoes that she left on the stairs.
On the basis of what you're saying, then no name should be called at all, ever, because to someone somewhere the name will be deemed offensive and therefore unacceptable.
People will never stop arguing, nor will they stop name calling. What is and isn't acceptable is up to the person giving and receiving it.
I mean, shouting ' I say Nigel I think you're being jolly silly by leaving your shoes there despite my reminding you. I almost had a nasty accident '.
It doesn't quite have the same ring as ' you stupid twat, I told you not to leave your shoes there, I nearly put my fucking ankle out'.
@53rdway

I didn't read it has him repeatedly calling her a bitch

What she said was that if she had a pound for every time he called her a bitch, she’d be a very rich woman, Auslander.

My husband and I have had some absolute humdingers of rows over the years, but our number one unspoken golden rule is that we never ever call each other names. We can argue with the best of them, but calling each other a bitch or a cunt or a dick is simply a line we’d never cross.

I think you have to not like the person very much to swear at them in anger. Even in the middle of a barney, even though we’re angry at each other, underneath it all we still like and respect each other.

If he ever called me a bitch in anger I’d know we were over.

Of course no one is going to encourage anyone to stay with an abusive partner. Who has advocated this?

What the OP is saying is that there is a core of posters who seem intent on telling anybody with the most minor grievance that this is a reason to break up a family. I'm quite sure that most OPs never follow through with the "command" to LTB, but what may be a petty issue might fester because they've been told the dh is utterly wrong. Along with LTB there is the notion peddled that a dh should divorce himself entirely from his side of the family. Sure, if the in-laws are evil. But in most cases in-laws are just in-laws - ie probably quite annoying but not psychopaths.

@Auslander I've just fully spat my tea out 😂

And I call him a dickhead and a knob head is that not the done thing to do either? Bitch to me is not offensive.

Of course no one is going to encourage anyone to stay with an abusive partner. Who has advocated this?

I have seen this on MN, but usually before the full extent of the abuse was made clear. So you have some posters joining the dots and saying “he’s abusive, LTB” and others saying “don’t be so ridiculous, he’s not abusive!” because they didn’t notice what the other ones did. I haven’t seen anyone say “stay with him” after physical abuse though thankfully.

I don’t think it’s massively helpful to tell even women who are experiencing abuse to LTB, though. They usually won’t for a good while even if they do leave, and it sets up an unhelpful situation where people are getting angry at them for not doing as they’re told, which is generally not something that women in abusive relationships need more of.

@TwitterlovesMAPS.
I adore and respect my OH, as he does me. I have done for 37 lovely years.
I'm sure Toomuchtoolittle's and her OH do too, as do millions of couples. Calling each other names when in a real raging argument doesn't mean anything else.
As I said on another thread, the last time me and my OH had a raging row was several years ago. I can't even remember what it was about, let alone what was said.
Like Toomuchtoolittle I don't find the word bitch offensive, but that's just me. My OH has never called me that, but that's just him.
I'm German, he sometimes calls me the Gestapo Leader in a bit of fun. Should I be offended? Well sorry but I'm not, because it's exactly that, a bit of fun, he's never said it in temper.
My OH would lay his life down for me, as he has done twice and for the kids too.

He's still a fucking bald headed haggis muncher though.

It’s context isn’t it?

The sort of person my DH is, I’d fall over if he ever called me a bitch. He just would never ever. No matter how angry he was with me.

But it’s also me too. If anyone called me a bitch, that would be it. I wouldn’t stand for it.

I personally find it kind of sad that women are ‘okay’ with being called a bitch. Like it’s no big deal. For me it would be a deal breaker.

@TwitterLovesMAPs it's just a word 🤦🏻‍♀️ I haven't got time to be offended by petty words. He gets called a dickhead and a knob head. It's just the way we are, were both sweary people and it works for us.