Cross about valentines day

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Sorry. I'm not usually a princess.

I hate having to sort something out for v day. I do a lot of general sorting and booking. Id like to just not think about it. Told bf This. He looked under pressure and said 'yiuve got loads more time to book stuff ' true - he doesn't work in an office job, i Do.
So I've booked tix for a gig on thus night. feel like I have to offer to drive as it's in town, I've got work on Friday, don't want to add to the expense and book a taxi. And if the gig I've booked is rubbish then at least he can get pissed. And then dinner - cause the gig starts at half seven I feel I need to have cooked it.

Aibu to feel this way? Why on earth do I feel this way??

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Basically I'm fucked off that I'm having to sort it out. I think part of this is cause on some level I think men should sort v day out for their partners!

[thedevilinablackdress]

You probably feel this way because you feel as if you should do something for the made up romance day. So you've arranged something that you don't really want to do on a night you'd probably rather stay in?

[CostanzaG]

Do you have to do anything? Can't you just stay in a relax together?

[thedevilinablackdress]

Ah, ok. Just saw your 2nd post. YABU.
I don't get it.

[itsboiledeggsagain]

Ug that sounds un fun
We dont celebrate v day. We don't care for hallmark celebrations. It is very freeing.

[FissionChip5]

Order takeaway, watch a film and have lots of sex.

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Well yes. And I feel like he wants To do something so I've had to sort it. It is our first v day. I was in a horribly ea and more generally DV relationship for many years before I left 4 years ago. Special occasions werealways mine fields. I dunno if it's that?

[Bestseller]

I think both partners should from time to time arrange nice things to do together.

It's madness to get into a situation where either feels resentful about doing so on a date specified by shops and restaurants.

[Sirzy]

It isn’t compulsory to do anything certainly not on the day itself!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It doesn’t sound like either of you wants to go out so I’m not sure why you are. Fair enough to wish he made more effort in general but don’t pick valentines as the hill to die on. He doesn’t sound keen to do anything for it so if you do it’s fair enough you plan it.

I don’t mind Valentine’s Day like a lot of people on here seem to but if I wanted to go out (dear god no thank you) and DH wasn’t fussed then I’d organise it. If you like it it’s a chance to do something extra for the person you love, there are no rules saying it’s for men to do stuff for women.

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

More than even cancelling and rescheduling I want to say - you sort it! You make a bloody effort and make me feel special!! Or jog on !!!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

X post. Are you sure he wants to do something? Do you think this is indicative of a general lack of effort or a one off?

[NameChangeNugget]

Your second post, came from the 1930’s. YABU and very precious

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

He definitely wants to do something. He just definitely doesnt want to organise it, nor Ever has

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Yeah he's being lame. I don't think I'd feel like I was in the right relationship if it was like this less than a year in!

[theonetowalkinthesun]

We always do paying for/sorting valentines day dinner/activities/weekend away AS our present to each other! Then we don't have to worry about getting a present and then we've picked, booked and paid 50:50 so both happy! A consideration for next valentine's Day maybe?
But don't worry, you've done well, the gig will be nice and you're just feeling all kinds of emotions because of it being a 'special occasion' day and new relationship. You're going great. You've already sorted the gig, so that's activities done. And as for dinner, could you get a m&s dine in for £20 or similar so that you don't have to stress cooking?

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Yes I know it feels like I'm being sexist. But one bloody date! It feels like he's never going to do anything nice for me

[CostanzaG]

Instead of guessing why don't you just ask him? If you don't want to go to the gig why not pick something you'd like to do ....it doesn't have to be on Thursday.

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Thanks @theonetowalkinthesun that was a really nice post made me cry a bit!!

[CostanzaG]

It sounds like you've got bigger issues than what to do on Thursday.

[YourSarcasmIsDripping]

You do you FEEL like you have to do any of this shit?
What do you think will happen if you don't?
I don't see the point in fussing if you're only going to feel resentful because you had to fuss.
You don't NEED to book a gig.
You don't NEED to drive.
You don't even NEED to celebrate vday at all.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

But then that’s your problem OP, not Valentine’s Day/night.

You’re in the honeymoon phase. It should be hearts and flowers and shagging and getting to know each other and fun and loveliness. Not angst and hassle, drama and feelings of rejection. If you’re not happy then end up! Find someone who wants what you want. No point trying to change him.

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Yes the m and s dine in would be good. What time would I need to pick it up? But yes I do feel stressed - he is really nice , calm, gentle man who I have a really lovely time with. But he's rubbish at booking restaurants or anything 😂

[MorganKitten]

The whole point of valentines traditionally is for singles to ask those they like oh tor new couples.
You should be nice to your partners every day of the year not one day named after a name who was beheaded, beaten with sticks and torn apart.

[Sirzy]

It sounds like your incompatible if you (understandably) want a different level of romance than he wants/is willing to offer