Cross about valentines day

[Swizzlefizzlefoo]

Sorry. I'm not usually a princess.

I hate having to sort something out for v day. I do a lot of general sorting and booking. Id like to just not think about it. Told bf This. He looked under pressure and said 'yiuve got loads more time to book stuff ' true - he doesn't work in an office job, i Do.
So I've booked tix for a gig on thus night. feel like I have to offer to drive as it's in town, I've got work on Friday, don't want to add to the expense and book a taxi. And if the gig I've booked is rubbish then at least he can get pissed. And then dinner - cause the gig starts at half seven I feel I need to have cooked it.

Aibu to feel this way? Why on earth do I feel this way??

[MilkybarsROnMe]

Valentine's Day is just a made up commercialised thing, who on earth wants to go out to be packed into a restaurant eating an overpriced Valentine's Day set menu. No ta. Stay in, have some wine, watch a film and have sex if you must celebrate this made up day! No stress, no hassle, no expense and remarkably more enjoyable.

[Sukochicha]

I’m going to a spin class. And DP is working. How is that for romance?

[BertrandRussell]

Well he would withhold any celebration of any occasion if I hadn't 'behaved' “

Hang on a cottonpicking minute!!!!
What does this mean????

[alltoomuchrightnow]

I've been with DP for five years and mainly we've both worked that night. This year we're not but nothing planned. That's because it's not for couples! As been said.
It's for singlies to get their chance .....
When I was much younger I would occasionally go out to dinner with a then boyfriend but it always seemed very contrived , expensive, restaurants full of bored looking couples..however.. one of the best Valentines nights i had was going out to the pub as a single woman..you find all the other singlies there, that was great and quite a few kisses from cute younger men

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

Dp just text me asking what shall we do on Thursday night. I replied nothing, so he was a bit. But I honestly begrudge paying extra ££ just because the date is the 14th.

Besides he’s taking me away next week, which I honestly consider it as part valentine’s present (he doesn’t) , and he is unaware I’ve booked a meal for Friday night, as my present to him. The restaurant we are going to have a ‘valentine’s day’ special at £60 per person. The same food off the list Friday night comes to £36 per person. I’d rather the saving, have a few more drinks and pay for taxi home, and we still save more!

[Jsmith99]

Ignore Valentine’s Day.

Problem solved.

[CoffeeCoffeeTea]

Ignoring Valentine's Day , how is he the rest of the time .what does he do for your birthday/Christmas. Does he usually organise nights out?

[LoubyLou1234]

The Valentine's Day we were first together, he asked if I wanted to do anything. He booked a meal but asked where I wanted etc. We now go for a meal every year, this year the restaurant has closed so we've discussed and planned together. It's not a big deal tbh but a chance to go and have a good meal and celebrate our relationship. Plenty of people will celebrate other made up celebration days.

Anyway back to the point. If your aren't happy with what you've arranged tell him. Can you not do something at the weekend when you are off? (if you are)
Ok so you've arranged the evening out but how do you know he isn't going to be romantic by giving you gifts etc on the day?

[LoubyLou1234]

Also look at the bigger picture. Sometimes romance is the smaller things, such as bacon butties. or in my days off my partner makes me a brew before he leaves for work. If you feel like he doesn't make effort for things like meals out tell him. Ask him to plan a night or day out every now and then. I'm a big organiser and mine would happily leave me to it but we do discuss and plan together these days.

[MyOtherProfile]

If this is your 1st V day you really need to start as you mean to go on. Don't get under pressure. Do you want to go to the gig?if so do that but no big dinner. If you don't then forget that and invite him over for a take away.

[BrusselPout]

It's quite simple, just don't do it - you don't HAVE to do anything, and clearly don't really want to

[Pk37]

Valentine’s Day is lame .
Yabu by putting so much pressure on one day

[AuntieStella]

Two things here - one is 'how to escape unfair levels of wifework?'

and the second, easier one is a simple 'when I'm booking something, I will only book things I want to do and which suit me to do'

On the 'wifework' - is he actually rubbush at it? Can he not make work or health related appointments? Or is just a sign of either complacency or sexist stereotypes?

[Margot33]

You don't have to do anything for Valentine's day. It's just a commercialised date. Order a takeaway, watch a new film. My husband and I aren't celebrating it. It's just another day for us!

[SileneOliveira]

So don't do it. We don't. We never have, it's all a load of nonsense designed to guilt trip you into buying overpriced tat which you really don't need.

We've been together over 20 years and don't think i've ever bought him a card. And he hasn't bought one for me.

[anniehm]

The one day we never go out is Valentine's Day, it's crowded, more expensive, hard to get a cab/parking and full of loved up couples. Morrison's valentines meal deal for two! That's where it's at

[labazsisgoingmad]

love is a 24 hours 365 day thing not some over priced over commercialised thing the only ones who benefit from valentines day are card manufacturers confectionery makers florists etc we dont waste money as there are a million other ways to show what you feel for each other

[TheSerenDipitY]

my husband doesn't do anything for it either but im ok as i know hes exhausted working 4am to 5pm/6pm 11/14 so i get him something small so he knows he is appreciated and i don't make a big deal of it, i stick a card and whatever i've got him on his desk for him to find when he pops home for breakfast, makes his day! and it makes my day knowing hes happy

[thecatsthecats]

My husband insisted we do gifts this year (just married, haven't done it for years). So I insisted he get me what I really want - a car boot organiser. I bet that company weren't expecting Valentines-based sales!

(he said he was going to get me flowers... inflated price and probably not very nice due to the demand...)

Point being - it's just a day. It's nice to mark it in some way, but the absolute must is do it your own way. The Valentines Day that meant the most to me was when he was working away for a week but came home specially that night even though he'd have to get up in the morning. He had a bad stomach, so we sat on the floor eating pizza. It was lovely.

[Yogagirl123]

Valentine’s Day is a non event in our house, just too commercialised, DH shows me and tells me he loves me every day, tea in bed in the morning, cooking all of the family’s meals (I am disabled) always complimented, help with everyday tasks etc.

After 30 years together and our Silver wedding coming up I know what I prefer!

[ShatnersWig]

@BertrandRussell No, her EX partner, not her current partner. You're the second to make that mistake but it's pretty clear from reading all her posts who she is talking about there.

[Dyrne]

OP I think Valentine’s Day is clouding the real issue here.

I think it’s fair enough to be annoyed that you are always the one left organising all the ‘fun’ things to do together. Have a nice chilled out Valentine’s Day, and then in a week or so, gently sit him down and explain that it would be nice if he organised a nice day out / evening every now and then. He doesn’t have to do them all, but just a token gesture every now and then.

DP and I are both terrible about organising things, we found we had a massive period where we kept saying “we should do something” but never actually got around to organising anything, so would get to the weekend and feel like we’d wasted it by sitting watching TV!

So we sat down once and made a list of all the things we could go and do - local activities, gigs, interesting days out, restaurants we’d like to try.

So now when it comes round to decide what we should do, we can just look at the list and pick. Maybe suggest that to your DP, and then you could take turns organising a nice thing to do each week/month whatever fits your budget?

[MilkTrayLimeBarrel]

I hate these annual events where you are made to feel that you SHOULD be doing something. What is the point of going out for dinner when they charge more for the same meal on Valentine's Day except you get a rose thrown in, or some such tat! Anyway, as PP have said, the whole point of Valentine's Day was to send an anonymous card to someone you like to let them know! It has now become Valentine's weekend, and everybody has to buy cards, flowers, gifts and a night out - money-making extraordinaire!!

[ScabbyHorse]

I was in an abusive relationship too OP and always feel it on Valentine's Day. I think you should be kind to yourself and do whatever makes YOU happy

[lottielottielottie]

First Valentine's Day together with my BF of nearly a year. We aren't doing anything for this commercial made up supposed day of love. We both work full time, we appreciate each other & show our love all year round 💕 why on earth anyone would want to put this uneasy feeling of having to do / arrange something on their partner I don't know.
We are staying in & just treating it as another day as neither of us can be arsed with all the forced fuss.