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AIBU?

Cross about valentines day

97 replies

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 21:50

Sorry. I'm not usually a princess.

I hate having to sort something out for v day. I do a lot of general sorting and booking. Id like to just not think about it. Told bf This. He looked under pressure and said 'yiuve got loads more time to book stuff ' true - he doesn't work in an office job, i Do.
So I've booked tix for a gig on thus night. feel like I have to offer to drive as it's in town, I've got work on Friday, don't want to add to the expense and book a taxi. And if the gig I've booked is rubbish then at least he can get pissed. And then dinner - cause the gig starts at half seven I feel I need to have cooked it.

Aibu to feel this way? Why on earth do I feel this way??

OP posts:

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MrsTerryPratcett · 12/02/2019 22:08

he is really nice , calm, gentle man who I have a really lovely time with. But he's rubbish at booking restaurants or anything

The first can make up for the second. The second could never make up for lack of the first.

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 22:19

True Mrs Terry. I think I'm just being a bit silly tbh.

OP posts:

Notcontent · 12/02/2019 22:21

Why bother? It’s just an ordinary day...

Springwalk · 12/02/2019 22:23

Why are you doing all of this???
What is he bringing to the relationship? Do not start doing it all, otherwise you will be forever ‘doing it all’. A good test of his commitment is the thought he puts into this. Suggest he sorts dinner and transport minimum

MrsTerryPratcett · 12/02/2019 22:30

Not silly at all. But maybe investing a lot of energy into it without examining it.

Think about what you actually need, ask for it, and see if he does it. I don't need roses or presents or nights out for valentines but I do want a card, I save them. So DH does that.

Popc0rn · 12/02/2019 22:32

What @MrsTerryPratcett said. When you say special occasions were a minefield with your ex, how do you mean? Do you think maybe you are getting a bit anxious/overwhelmed about Valentine's Day?

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 22:32

Yes that is very good advice.

I thought about it and thought well I'd like a card and said that. Then somehow the 'what should we do on the day' became some kind of big deal, probably because it's my child free eve.

OP posts:

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 22:33

Well he would withhold any celebration of any occasion if I hadn't 'behaved'

OP posts:

PinkGin24 · 12/02/2019 22:34

YABU. You are the one who has blown this into some HUGE deal (that it really isn't...)

Me and my Partner will do cards, cook a meal together, watch a nice film etc. He will probably buy some flowers/chocolates (which I have told him are NOT required at all).

I do not get people who blow V-day into some huge thing. But if you do want it to be a bi g thing then you deal with it/organise.

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 22:34

And as a result i haven't done anything for v day for the 3 yrs single and then prob around 7 years before that. So im getting a bit wound up and can't really work out why

OP posts:

Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 22:35

That's good pink. Sounds like you have it balanced and sorted in your head and with your partner

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 12/02/2019 22:41

I feel like it's not about him.

After I left my exH I dated an absolutely lovely bloke. Not perfect but great. And he definitely suffered from exH's fallout. He had to do or not do things differently because of exH. Not fair and the relationship ended.

I know it's really hard but try to see past the old, horrible relationships.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 12/02/2019 22:42

My partner is the Grinch of Valentine’s Day. He just claims it is Not A Thing, and won’t engage with it at all. We’ve been together ten years, and not even in the honeymoon phase. However, he has just gone out to the shop to get me crisps because I am off work tomorrow, and want to have a glass of wine, and crisps. I moan about him not getting the romance memo, but on balance I would rather have crisps, and a bacon sandwich in bed every Saturday.

Choose your battles, OP.

Inertia · 12/02/2019 22:43

Whoa, hang on- what's all this about withholding stuff if you haven't behaved? That's not how it works in a grown up partnership!

Kintan · 12/02/2019 22:44

Do you have to do anything? We don't mark it these days, but when we did it was just a takeaway and wine at home. Sounds like your boyfriend isn't into it either, so can't blame him for not organising anything.

Popc0rn · 12/02/2019 22:45

Aw that sounds rubbish OP, doesn't sound like you've got many happy memories of Valentine's Day, and maybe you want to make this one special? But in the process are getting a little bit too stressed out about it?

Pomello · 12/02/2019 22:45

It's just one day. I think if boyfriends are nice to you EVERY day then you don't care about VD

sackrifice · 12/02/2019 22:46

It is a total bullshit day.

Are you in a loving relationship, with mutual respect?

If no then no amount of cooked meals and enforced romance will plug that gap.

If yes, stop and be thankful that you are.

Go to the gig, don't go, it doesn't matter. Eat in, eat out...it doesn't matter.

whereisthepostman · 12/02/2019 22:47

@Inertia that was her ex

whereisthepostman · 12/02/2019 22:50

Also V day is for teenagers really. I've not arranged anything for Thursday for DH, nor him for me. Does that mean we don't love each other? We've been together 10 years, have a child together and a mortgage. He's kind and respectful and works day and night for our family. Concentrate on the important stuff OP, the real stuff.

RomanyQueen1 · 12/02/2019 22:53

I thought v day was to hint to somebody you fancied them. bit late when you're already together.
Maybe he's not interested, a lot of people aren't, both men and women. You don't have to do anything, so don't make yourself stressed for something that really doesn't matter.
If you tell each other how much you love each other, that's all that matters.

mummmy2017 · 12/02/2019 22:59

Since your going out, just grab fish n chips and share it on the way to the gig...
Sometimes we overthink things ..
In future give him two choices... Do he has to decide...
Gig or cinema?
Sandwich ... Gig and Indian. Or. Fish and chips on the way?
I once got told this... Never give anything that has a yes or no answer, so he has to decide.

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Swizzlefizzlefoo · 12/02/2019 23:01

Thanks all.

It's true I have bad memories with the ex.

It's also true that bf is consistently kind and nice and brings me bacon sandwiches on a sat. I know. Organisation is not his strong point. I think I'm getting there with feeling ok about it

OP posts:

OrigamiZoo · 12/02/2019 23:02

You should be loving every day, not just Valentines.

I don't rate it- I think it is just the one day you can tell someody you like them...if you are 15!

So many men rushing around like rabbits in the headlights with a bunch of flowers worrying they've got it wrong.

Sukochicha · 12/02/2019 23:04

t least your bloody 12th anniversary isn’t on Valentine’s Day. Now THAT is annoying.

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